In love, but not physically attracted....

[chole7723]

I am contemplating getting back into a relationship with a man who I really believe to be my soul mate. We dated for a few years about three years ago and ended it when we realized that we weren't ready for forever yet and needed to grow as individuals. Now we are discussing getting back together and I am concerned about one thing. When we were together before we had issues with sex because I am not physically attracted to him in the nude. I have NEVER said anything to him and know that that is not at all the most important thing in a relationship and love him regardless, but it did have an effect on our sex life. He is overweight and I find it hard to truthfully say that I find him sexy (in the nude – dressed he is a knockout). I don't want to be with anybody else, but I think it would really help our sex life if he were to be more in shape. I'm sure that I am coming accross as really shallow and I assure you that I am not. I would do anything for him and know that every other aspect of our relationship would be great. I just want to be connected with him in every way and when you hold something like that back, I'm sure it could eat at the relationship. I would never tell him that I found his body unattractive or that I wasn't sexually attracted to him, but I also don't want to get into a lifelong relationship without a sexual connection because I have learned how important that is to a relationship. I am not sure what to do. Any thoughts?

[sean91607306444]

i really dont think you are being shallow at all.the fact that you love him for who he is and want to spare his feelings about his weight,is a very good quality.why cant i find women like you.not that im overweight,but someone that isnt shallow or high maintenece etc etc?anyways,im sure that he was and is well aware of the problem,and he could sense it im sure when you had sex.if hes comfortable the way he is,and doesnt want to change,just tell him what you just wrote here,but dont give him an altimatum,to a man,failure is death.by what ive just read you seem like you are a genuine person.but your right,you need to address it now or it will eat at the relationship,causing resentments,and the eventual parting.good luck.....sean

[bleeder]

Hi,

 

Firstly, what you are going through seems logical and normal to me.

 

Physical attraction plays a major role in our relationships, as much as some people like to declare that looks don't matter. In the realm of animals, color, size, flair and a display of strength all matters in the game of courtship. We are not that different either.

 

What you can do now is to talk to him about his physical self. Tell him that you will appreciate it if he were to lose some weight. Weight, unlike character, is not that hard to change. See if he makes an effort. Then measure your relationship from there.

 

If nothing is progressing, perhaps it's time for you to seek greener pastures. It's hard to wake up in the morning to see someone unattractive naked next to you,isn't it?

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

What a courage you have chole to come to here and write about your concerns. I compliment you on that and I thank you for coming to eNotalone.com.

 

As for my advice, I really advise you to be totally honest to him. I live by a rule that honesty is the best policy at all times. Explain to him how you feel and vary words of love and warmth with your concerns over his weight. Tell him that you do love him to death and that you feel so comfortable being around him. May be you could do something together? Go workout together? He might find that as a supportive idea and it's a great way to spend some quality time together.

 

I hope this addition was of help, too and wish you good luck, but most of all, all the happiness in your life!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[jash]

You should tell him, but it would help if you were to tell him that you would still want to be with him no matter what. Whatever you do, don't use it to crush him.