better to know earlier than later?

[icarus27]

When involved with someone with commitment conflicts, is it better to know earlier than later, when the involvement has become that much deeper? I feel as though I am in a position where I got to know earlier .... but it leaves me mourning the loss of what could have been.

 

Anyone else here who has read "He's Scared, She's Scared"? The interviews in it give real life examples of just how *awful* it can truly be when you are in deep with someone with these issues. Yet still, there is that small voice in me piping up, mourning for for just how good it could have been, if things had worked out, if I had been able to get through to her.

[junebirthday]

Not clear on what you found out early in the relationship or what your situation is. Please explain further. Was your partner scared of commitment and you two broke up?

[icarus27]

June,

 

In a word, yes.

[Daligal83]

It's easy to picture all the positive things that could have been when you have nothing to compare it to. What I mean is, you don't actually know how great it would have been if it had gone any further since it didn't happen. Maybe you would have always felt frustrated and kind of lonely since you were committing in a way that she wasn't. Maybe you would have fought a lot because you were hoping that she'd get over it and didn't. It might not have been that great.

 

But now you can spend your time finding someone who does want the same commitment as you. If you had stayed with her, you probably would have missed out on the chance to meet someone you could really have a future with. Now you are available to meet that person.

[keenan]

I think it's much better to know. "What could have been" lives in your imagination. "What is" lives in your house.

[KAT MOMMY]

Don't go beating yourself up over it. People are afraid to committ because they are not that interested, they are still holding on to the past, or they are still trying to weigh their options. COnsider yourself lucky to have been forewarned then to have gotten into a bad situation. What could have been, should've been is not healthy thinking at all! It's nothing at all now and it's not your fault. Baggage is one thing and hiding behind it is another., When a male/female has baggage or commitment phobias they usually resolve them on their own merit and they are usually un-attached and not dating.

You have to heal inside first before you can actively seek a relationhship-some people have baggage and others have luggage-there is a difference so don't feel sad or bad there is someone for everyone and she's not your ONE> don't give up stay at it,

[notsoanonymous]

I think it's much better to know. "What could have been" lives in your imagination. "What is" lives in your house.

 

Or co owns your house with you and then walk away one day! Now it's me and the pooch!

 

I can honestly say that as I go through my own troubles on this subject right now, I wish to God I had known before we bought a house together that he would have gotten cold feet and walked out on me. I'm having a much harder time now than if he had walked away a year ago. It's difficult to think of what might have been - I agree.

 

But imagine having it - and then having it ripped away from you.

 

Trust me, that is much worse. Better to know sooner and move on.