Is this Breaking NC?

[BlondeAmbition]

My bf of nearly two years broke up with me in May, due to a downward spiral of recycling the same arguments over and over, stresses in our lives...but mainly, it was due to my battle with anxiety. (my whole family struggles with it) I would overreact, lash out, start crying/yelling over little things, like him being 20 minutes late to dinner, or bumping up bowling from 8pm to 6pm. I also criticized him constantly - for example, instead of being proud and enouraging while he researched/looked into becoming a first-time homeowner, I was skeptical, critical and sometimes pessimistic/selfish about it.

 

Even though his heart is closed off to the idea of reunion right now, I remember how much he loved me. His friends are shocked and deeply saddened, too...I've been keeping in contact with a few of them, since we became so close over the last two years. I just keep remembering how much he loved me, how patient/kind he was...and how guilty I feel for driving him away.

 

I know I need to work on my anxiety for myself, first...and not to gain back his love. But, at the same time, if I truly take positive, pro-active steps to overcoming my anxiety and fears/impulsiveness...I feel he might have a change of heart. Not today, next week, or next month...but maybe months down the line.

 

Should I go LC so he can see I'm making positive changes, or keep NC (I'm one month NC right now) until I feel I've really made a lot of progress?

 

Also, he finally closed on the house (facebook informed me). He loves nature/plants, so I thought of sending him a plant (bonsai, his favorite) with a small card, simply saying "Congratulations on the new home. I'm proud and happy that your hard work paid off. Best wishes." Is this a bad idea? Is this breaking NC?

[desi1987]

Hmm. This is a tough one. Yes it is breaking contact but the more imp. question is whether or not it is a good idea. Normally I would say No..No..No it wont accomplish anything, leave it alone..he/she doesnt want to be bothered..how will you feel if you dont get a response..e.t.c e.t.c.

 

This suitation is different because first of all the breakup wasnt particulary bitter, and it wasnt caused by an outside party...but rather your own behavior which you are now owning up to. In cases where the breakups are mutual and aren't bitter and there is hope for reconcialation then LC would be the best bet. NC is usually reserved for the cases where the breakup was especially harsh and deceitful ie (being cheated on and lied too multiple times). However I digress..I think it is a good idea to let him know that you are still thinking about him and that even though you are broken up, you are not bitter about things.

 

Just keep it short sweet and to the point.

[Clementine orange]

I think it would be a nice gesture.

[soulmeetsbody]

I am going through the same thing! I am dealing with anxiety too and it led me and my bf to split up. The arguments, verreacting,insecurities were due to my dperession and anxiety, and i know it was that because before i stopped medication everything was fine.

 

My story is there:

 

 

 

 

The breakup was more or less mutual, but I am going NC, and your idea seems sweet but I think you should try really getting him out of your life for a bit...you need to work on yourself without worrying on how he will react, what to do if he doesnt and not get your hopes up if he does like it?

 

 

Just my opinion.

Good luck.

[BlondeAmbition]

Maybe I could send the plant/card to both him and his brother? My ex bought the house, but his brother will be living with him. I still talk to his brother on a casual basis - we're still on good terms. My ex and I aren't really angry or bitter...he's exhausted and has given up hope that we'd ever be normal/happy again, and I'm mainly just sad, and guilty, that I drove him away with my excessive anxiety, over-analyzing, overreacting, etc.

Neither of us cheated, and he said he has no desire to kiss anyone, let alone date, for awhile still. He said that two months after breaking up. His good friend has personally told me that he thinks my ex is making a mistake. A lot of his friends still talk to me and say they miss me terribly. I wonder how much friends' opinions count in changing a dumper's mind to give it a chance again?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

I sent my ex a present when he graduated and he loved it

 

One thing though, we were in LC, I think maybe a congrats email/ text first. See how he responds to that, if he is pleased to talk to you then send the tree, I think its a very sweet thought.