Don't know what I'll do (rant)

[Stinkweed]

Insight is most welcome. I know everything's subjective. So I'll understand if people decide to call me the villain for what I'm about to say. But this has been troubling me really. Okay, where should I begin?

 

for starters, I am totally unsure what I'll do after college. I just know I kinda want to part ways with my family. And there's a couple of reasons. For one, every time I spend time with them, I feel uneasy, because it's like they ALL want the same thing. They're totally obsessed with dieting and physical appearance. I don't say anything, because to each their own. But it saddens me when I remember days when things weren't this way, and I just remember everybody being happier and having more fun. Also, I know I'm gonna kinda be dragged into working with/for my father's company, and that I don't think is so great either, because I can barely stand my career. I'd rather have a crappier job that'll earn less money but leave me more time for me to do what I really like to do. And I know if I do this and mess up, they'll think I'm a f*** up, and I would rather not be around them when that happens. Plus I hate being compared to my siblings. It'll be a constant "oh who's making more money" blah blah... And I we used to be such good friends when I was little, but now I just get so sad at how everything, everybody changed for the worse.

 

I don't know. I've only got two years of college left. Two years already gone, seems like it might be too late to make a career change. And even if it isn't, I wouldn't know what I would choose. I've got no natural talents whatsoever. I THINK I could work hard and get good at some things though, but it takes time, and focusing on that one thing that I'll choose, and if I like it I can do it. But I dunno what. This has really got me depressed... I've taken some interests on sports, but I'm not exceptionally good at that stuff. I've been thinkin about joining one of the school teams, not just intramural, but, for starters, even if I were to made it past tryouts which require you to be pretty good already, I know I could work hard to get to their level, but also there's the time issue. Sports team members always choose the least demanding major... I have one of the most demanding majors and I'm barely getting by when it comes to grades (I get so mostly C's now... maybe I'm just not cut out for this one).

 

I just wish life didn't feel like such a damn chore. School feels like it keeps me away from my hobbies. I try to make time, but more often than not, especially towards the end of the semester, I, of course, put school on top of everything else and sacrifice the things I actually like to do. But it feels like the only thing in life I've got to look forward to is the day when I won't have to make such sacrifices so much. I know that's a lot, and there's more, but everything in my head is kinda messy right now... I guess I would like to hear somebody's opinion or maybe some input.

[Xetra Dax]

You are to focus on your study at this moment. The best advice that i could give you is to put everything aside and focus on school. The reason? , You are at a period of your life where school absorbs all your time. Its a time in your life when there's no time for hobbies, study and you get a B or A on your card, pick up your guitar for your hobby and you'll see a C appear on your card.

 

DO NOT WORRY

 

This time will pass, what is two year on an entire lifetime?

 

Once your school is past you'll say to yourself ' i will become a musician' its a job that i love and something that's going to earn me money.

 

You know trying to combine the necessity's and virtues of life together.

 

What im trying to say here is two things.

 

1.DO IMPORTANT THINGS FIRST, fun comes later.

2.Keep Building on a solid basis.

 

And last, don't worry too much about what your 'career' is going to be, it really doesn't matter, what matters is that you earn a stash load of money. Now i know that's not really what you want to hear ,with your family being superficial and all, but trust me when you have to pay off the bills in the house, you'll too appreciate that bigger pay check. So i mean it from a practical perspective, and not from a ' i am better then thou ' perspective like your family does.

 

i've got another tip for your family tho, you know nowadays computers ,supermarkets,convienance stores all make that nobody needs eachother anymore, and make us live in our own world.

 

We still feel lonely tho, how about organising a barbecue, to bring the family together again? Or some other family activities? To improve the miserable feelings and getting a more joint family feeling together?

[Stinkweed]

i've got another tip for your family tho, you know nowadays computers ,supermarkets,convienance stores all make that nobody needs eachother anymore, and make us live in our own world.

 

You know, I've thought like that and just feel sad for how people think, and almost want to be, alone in the world. It's like it's the lone hero image thing... I fail to see how that's even more productive than teamwork. The same teamwork that even cavemen used. And it seems like nobody ever realizes. And some people, even when you tell them, they stay stupid forever because they don't see it. Maybe I should move to another country... try a different culture that values doing more enjoyable outdoorsy things and cooperation and less workaholism. And I know it exists.

 

Anyway, I just don't know what to say really. 2 years of what could be the best years of my life... and I'm so miserable. But, believe me, throughout my first year in college I did nothing but focus on school. I didn't even have any friends. I had an excellent GPA, but I was so extremely depressed though. I was way unhappier than I am now I'd dare say... So I just don't know what would be best. It sounds like focusing on nothing but school might be the right thing, but when I did do that I was constantly depressed. So the other part of me says that maybe I should just make the most out of these couple of years, maybe even try to get a girlfriend or something, cause I'll never get these years back.

[Stinkweed]

I just don't know how things are supposed to be. What type of job would be best, or if I'm even in the right field. I have a friend who did a double major, and he's seriously considering about switching back to just one, because he said for the original one, stuff's intuitive, and he just gets it. Like he spent all this time on his other major's classes and didn't pass them, whereas he made B's on his original major's classes without studying too much. I wish I could find a major that's intuitive to me like that... It'd make that part of my life easier knowing that I'd be doing something I'm cut out for...

[tina-rocks]

Hi,

 

You are young and at the stage where you will at times feel a little confused about your life your goals and dreams. Trust your instincts more.

 

I would try not to worry about things too much as well as this will only add to the anxiety. You will be fine if you just try to relax a little.

 

A mix of study and play will help balance things up for you. You will burn out to quickly otherwise.

 

Tina x

[Stinkweed]

Hi,

 

You are young and at the stage where you will at times feel a little confused about your life your goals and dreams. Trust your instincts more.

 

I would try not to worry about things too much as well as this will only add to the anxiety. You will be fine if you just try to relax a little.

 

A mix of study and play will help balance things up for you. You will burn out to quickly otherwise.

 

Tina x

 

I just don't like what I see as a possible future. Not even the "best case" scenario... I think I'll finally get around to talking to a career advisor or something... I wish I had more energy to try other things and maybe figure this out...

[Stinkweed]

I dunno. Sometimes, I figure, if I took more risks (but not stupid risks like drinking or street racing... I'm talking about "smart" risks... career risks, social risks. Nothing that might get me killed), maybe there's a chance I at least would be closer to figuring this out and maybe I'd be happier...