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Have a partner of twenty odd years age difference, grown kids, long distance and going through a divorce. We've discovered we're almost the exact same in how we think, act and thinks we enjoy....we literally are trying to find the differences between us rather than similarities. Ie the relationship when we're together is great.


He's back home little over a week and since he returned home I have had lots of difficulty reaching him on either of his mobiles or home phone. Finally today in a message he tells me he's actually staying at his friend's house for the whole week.


I have a backround where I was cheated on a number of times in past relationships. I do my best not to bring baggage into a new/next relationship but in light of distance and the fact that my partner had an affair of what I believe spanded 1 or 2 years, I find it hard to put the thoughts to the back of my mind. I love this man. He's so caring when we're together but I'm gettig the impression more and more than he doesn't read my emails and getting him on the phone this week is almost like getting blood out of a stone it seems. Though I missed a few of his calls too during the week when he rang during the day and I was busy.


I'm just feeling confused. I'm terrified I might be chasing someone who's leading a double life or something. I'm terrified I'm allowing myself to fall for someone who might prove to be too complicated a case in the end...


In the meantime my last boyfriend whom I get on quite well with is telling me he made a stupid mistake and to please go back to him..he's telling me sweet nothings, how he wants to care for me, spend the rest of his life with me, have kids with me etc etc...all stuff that sounds quite appealing..plus that we don't have the age gap to worry about either...Ie no complications and local....


I'm finding this a tough cookie now....love always starts so rosy and never ends up being quite so easy does it?

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Is the ex that wants to get back together with you one who cheated on you. This much older partner cheated on his wife...perhaps she had enough and that is why they are getting divorced. Given his history, the fact that he is over twenty years older than you and likely sees you as arm candy I would say that this guy is not a keeper. Charmers know how to charm the pants off of women...both figuratively and literally. They know how to say the right things so that it appears like you have so much in common. How do you think he was able to have an affair...because he is good at BSing.


As for the ex who wants you back...obviously if you are that smitten with this older guy then you are not really in love with your ex and thereforee going back to him just because he asks is not ideal. You should go back to someone because you really love them and care about them...not because you need to have a partner in your life and if one doesn't work out may as well take the other one. I think you need some time alone to sort out your thoughts and insecurities. You are nowhere near ready to take your ex back under these circumstances.

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Thanks for your response.


The ex that wants to get back with me never cheated on me. He broke up with me for stupid stupid childish reasons and claims now to realise the extent of his mistake...


According to my current partner, he cheated on his wife and eventually realised he had to leave her -ie relationship was not working. Indeed you've pinpointed a fear on my part -if he was able to bs his family for that long...well then he's an experienced bull * * * * ter.


However my own experience and view of him 100% is someone who is loving, caring, straightforward, honest, not a charmer...certainly not to the level of winding people around his finger -have been with a few charmers so am very familiar with the concept!


I agree totally with what you say regarding not going back to someone for sake of being in a relationship. To be honest though I feel a bit torn now. With my ex we'd gotten to the point where I felt love for him, though we never expressed it and oddly enough we've gotten much closer since breaking up. I am very much smitten by my current guy and yet...well basically I feel very confused...now my ex has been unavaible since yesterday morning when we've spent weeks and weeks talking everyday and I am feeling very very lost indeed!!!


I do realise I would be most wise if it comes to it to take a break rather than run from current guy to ex...just trying to figure out where I am going though in long wrong and about current guy....


I feel like whilst he was the one constantly sending messages about feeling insecure etc..as soon as I showed insecurity, he's now running with that...he can feel free to do whatever and leave me wondering? Does that make any sense?

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So apparently my boyfriends company is folding up hence the poor contact. Still elaves me a bit baffled/upset though..surely even in the toughest of times you should want to make contact with your partner? My confusion seems to be worse if anything....Feel even more torn between ex and current. Between what seems so difficult now and an easy path? Between giving understand and looking out for myself. Between possibly a deeper love OR greater security?

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