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Wow. I can't honestly believe I am posting this.

 

I'm 2 years into a relationship with my "boyfriend." In February, we got our puppy and bought a house together. We discussed that buying a house was a good investment but that we WERE on track to getting married. I am never told otherwise.

 

Fast forward to last Sunday night. We have his family over to see our new house for the first time. They leave, he asks me to sit down, and tells me it's over. No reason to have seen that one coming either.

 

Without going into the details of our problems, after a week of talking only once, living in separate bedrooms, and him partying and ignoring the problem, we sat down last night and I explained that it was either couples counseling (to which he had said no to before) or we were over. I'm in the process right now of finding a counselor and getting some help for us. He has agreed to go because while he doesn't know what will come of it, he agreed that we have to at least make an effort given all we have put into this over time. And the obvious financial commitment.

 

Has anyone else been through the process of trying to work things out in counseling? Any comments on what to expect?

 

I've done it before on my own, but never this.

 

 

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His grandmother is dying. That has been a huge stress on him recently. He flat out told me that between that, his job and us having some problems since buying our house that he was trying to walk away from the only thing he could control.

 

So luckily I DO know the reason. Now, I'm just nervous about the future and our counseling.

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Well I do think that everyone grieves differently - and our relationship has been stressful lately for a variety of reasons so from that perspective I believe that is the main thing that has been changing in his world. I don't think he can handle life at all. I hope this helps us out but I don't know what to expect?

 

I did flat out ask if he found someone new and the answer was no. His ex cheated on him (ex-wife) and they divorced over it, so he has some very strong feelings about cheating.

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A death or impending death can bring on a 'life's too short' moment where the person thinks about lots of things in their own life and decides to make a break or change. Or it could be they are under so much stress, anything else in their life that brings them stress gets viewed negatively and given the heave ho.

 

So this could be just a temporary reaction to stress, or he has had a sense of discontent with the relationship for a long time and it is just now coming to the surface in a 'life is short' moment.

 

So counseling is a great idea to get to the bottom of what he is really thinking/feeling before anything drastic happens between you.

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A death or impending death can bring on a 'life's too short' moment where the person thinks about lots of things in their own life and decides to make a break or change. Or it could be they are under so much stress, anything else in their life that brings them stress gets viewed negatively and given the heave ho.

 

So this could be just a temporary reaction to stress, or he has had a sense of discontent with the relationship for a long time and it is just now coming to the surface in a 'life is short' moment.

 

So counseling is a great idea to get to the bottom of what he is really thinking/feeling before anything drastic happens between you.

 

Is there an "all of the above" choice?

 

Basically he has never been able to communicate with me what he thinks or feels and has a lot of trouble dealing with stress. The actual problems in our relationship have been bubbling for a long time but I thought I was the only unhappy one because I was the only one communicating that to the other. He has never told me any of the things he has in the past 7 days and they have been HUGE issues between us in his mind. Rather than sitting down and telling me (afraid of the potential for conflict) he decided to bolt and say "we are incompatible" and a variety of other BS reasons.

 

Now that we have started to talk things out more, the answers and reasons behind things are coming to the surface, but he needs some professional help to learn how to think about more than his end of things at the moment.

 

I'm no angel here, but I'm also not the one who said marriage, signed the mortgage, and 5 months later jsut said BYE.

 

Just praying we are about to see a good counselor.

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