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Mental sexual frustration


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My girlfriend and I have an amazing sex life. I am 39 years old and she is 27. We’ve been together for 4 months and the way things are going we feel that we are going to be together for a long time. We both are willing to explore each other and try new things. We both have no problem asking each other the things that we like and dislike in bed. I truly enjoy and love pleasing her. The thing is that she cannot have an orgasm when having intercourse unless she uses her toy. She’s always had trouble achieving and she seems to think that after she gave birth to her son that it really became more of a problem. I have no problem bringing her to climax when she uses her toy, either by penetration or by using my fingers but she always has to be lying on her stomach. She can't achieve by any other position. She has told me (and I truly believe her) that the best orgasm she has ever had in her life has been with me. We both have great communication whether it’s with sex or any other topic. I understand that many women have problems achieving orgasms and as her and I have communicated it is not anyone’s fault because of this. It’s just how her body is.


Herein lays the trouble I am having. She has told me that she has had only three orgasms in her life without using a sexual aid/toy. Twice while having intercourse and once while receiving oral sex. It was with two guys before her and I even knew each other. The problem is that I have been beating myself up mentally because I am frustrated and upset with the fact that she has achieved orgasm with these guys without using her toy and with me she can’t. We have had many discussions about this and she assures me that it is nothing I am doing wrong. I want to truly believe her however this is tearing me apart inside right now. Usually I am cool with it and have no problem, but for some reason her lately it is bother me immensely. I have frustrated her at times as well which does not help the situation. The last thing I want is to make her feel it is her fault and uncomfortable. I just keep picturing in my mind that she was so much more in to these guys and that they pleased her far more than I have. She always tells me that this is not the case; however my ego/self esteem always seems to disagree. She tells me it just happened and she can’t explain how/why. Again, she always reassures me that I am doing nothing wrong.


I don’t want to turn this into a long term problem that ends up hurting our relationship. Plus I know that it has only been 4 months since we have been together and I understand that I may or may not be able to get there with her. At 39 years of age, I can honestly say that this woman makes me the happiest I have ever been with someone. Even more so than my son’s mom and that’s saying a lot.


Any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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Ok first off you are taking this issue FAR too seriously. Your ego should not be attached to her orgasm. I mean I would worry if she had no orgasms at all. Are you going to let this destroy your relationship because you think you SHOULD be able to give her an orgasm in a certain way? Really, concentrate on being happy and the fact you have found a wonderful woman. Make the best out of life and be happy.

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stop allowing her to use her toy for awhile. dont have sex for awhile. This will help her clit become much more sensitive.


Your ego should not be hurt. You are trying to make her happy..thats what she cares more about.


toys desensitizes the clit so avoid using toys everytime you have sex.

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If she were 18 or something, I would say it might be worth it to try to "change" her, and teach her to be a better lover no matter what.


But considering she is 27, I think it must be that she is just one of those women who cant cum easily.


I don't think you should give up on making your sex with her better, but I also think you should be concerned that making too big of a deal out of it could ruin the relationship.


You sound more upset about it than she is, which seems sorta.. backwards.

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