How would you feel if your g/f.....

[rgm1266]

My g/f and I have been dating for about 8 months or so. We've had our issues just like anybody else. But she has had some really bad finacial times for the last several years since her divorce. She also has a few medical conditions (fibro-myalga) just to name one that she feels that prohibits her from working a full-time job.

 

About a week or so she was telling me (while on Ambien) that she's in really bad shape and that she doesn't know what she's going to do. She's running out of money and will have to move out of her apartment. One of her options was to move to another city and live with this guy she's been friends with for a long time that has alot of money and has helped her out in the past. She says she doesn't want to do it, but has no other choice.

 

I don't make as much money as he does, but I do ok for myself. It really hurt me to hear my g/f say that she's considering moving in with this guy so that he can take care of her and her bills. (She told me that nothing has ever happened between them in a sexual manner). But we all know that something might and possibly happen. My g/f stated that if she moves there that we can't date anymore cause it would probably make the guy feel uncomfortable cause she would be staying at his house.

 

Last night, she brought it up again and said the same thing about possibly moving in with that guy. So the conversation got a little heated but we both remained cool. During our conversation I told her that I can take care of both of us, but I don't have the money like he does to help you get out of all the debt you are in. It would take time to pay off your debt. We are talking tens of thousands of $$$s. I told her that we will sit down this week and go over all her bills and put together a plan to help her get from under this financial burden.

 

We have a good relationship together. But when I hear thingsd like this, I'm starting wonder what the heck is really going on and if she really loves and cares about me.

 

How would you feel if your loved one said something like this? What should I do? I'm at the point where I feel like one day she's going to tell me that she's moving and I will be caught off guard with the whole situation!

 

Thanks

[duchesstigerlily]

Are you sure that she wasnt just saying all of that to get you to step up to the plate and help her? Maybe she was testing YOUR love for her by trying to get a reaction out of you. I'm not saying that this is good behaviour on her part....its actually quite munipulative...but it good be that she's acting out of desperation since she seems to have a lot of stress in her life at the moment. However, it is extremely good of you to be willing to take her in and help her out as much as you can....hopefully she appreciates that.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If this other guy was JUST a friend, it wouldn't be a problem if you were still in the picture. Obviously this guy would expect sexual rewards for providing financial support. In other words, your "girlfriend" is not averse to being a kept woman. I would be very concerned about the way she went about this. She didn't ask you to help her out. If her intentions were to get you to step up to the plate by using this other scenario to get you jealous and insecure then that is a horrible thing to do. If your relationship was a good one, she would have asked you outright. So to me this says that your relationship is on very shaky ground and I would be hesitant about forking out a dime for this woman. It sounds to me like she wants a bank account rather than a partner. So what happened with her marriage. How is your relationship together..do you communicate?

[rgm1266]

I told her the same thing that her friend would want some kind of sexual reward for helping her out financially and she would be a kept woman. She just asked me last night to help her out. I told her that I would help her. But her financially situation is really bad and I don't have the tens of thousands of $$$s to help her out like she needs it at one time.

 

Our relationship has had some good and bad times. We've had some serious communication issues in the past. My g/f doesn't like to address issues and think they will just go away if you just ignore them. She is always quick to blame someone else for her problems and doesn't have anything positive to say about anything.

 

One of 2 things are going on, she's either trying to get me to help her or she's going to move very soon to be with this guy to be a kept woman.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So, the question is can she really not work full time?? Is she simply looking for someone to pay all her bills and give her time to play? I think it is time to let this woman go. It doesn't sound like she is a very positive person and she will end up dragging you down emotionally and financially. She is looking for a meal ticket, that is clear.

[rgm1266]

I think she can work. But is just too lazy to try. She hasn't worked a full time regular job in about 7-8 years. She sings in a band that plays a couple of times a month and makes only a few $$s doing that. She has all these dreams, aspirations, and would ifs that she wants to do. There are so many more eople that have more serious problems that are able to work cause they have to. They like the small things like a roof, food on the table, lights, and etc.

 

I'm at the point where I'm just ready to end it. My problem is that I'm not the type of guy to run away from a relationship and quit when times get hard. I'm a fighter till the end.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What is there to fight for, however...do you really want to fight for someone who is lazy, wants to pity herself, blames everyone for her problems and is looking for a meal ticket. To me that is someone you run away from, not fight for.

[rgm1266]

You are totally right in what you said. I guess I've been feeling this way for a while and I'm just realizing that she's not the one for me. She's been bringing me down, not stimulating my mind, and etc.

 

There is an old saying...You can always do bad by yourself!!

 

Thanks for your advice!!

[bijoux27]

My g/f stated that if she moves there that we can't date anymore cause it would probably make the guy feel uncomfortable cause she would be staying at his house.

 

What the....????? If you two did split it should be about how you feel uncomfortable, not him. Anyways it seems like she just does whatever is convenient for her, and uses others to her advantage.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I notice that the OP is in raleigh. the south is a bit different. i just can't picture a southern woman doing that. they tend to get a little more wishing/expecting the man to step in on his own. i think she would consider it impolite to ask outright.

 

So being a kept women is okay for a southern woman, as long as she doesn't have to be the one suggesting it??? I am now thinking of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind!