mother in law!!!

[beaglegirl]

I am having a huge problem with my "mil"... We aren't married but I have been in a committed relationship for 3+ years now... His mother is a nightmare.

She used to be okay. Now, I used to be a huge pushover. I unfortunately would let people walk all over me. The way I was raised was to not retaliate no matter what and that got taken too far. I never noticed his mothers pushy tendencies due to that.. now, over the last few years I have become a bit more outspoken. With that said..

 

His mom worked as a manager of an outlet store for a long time. I needed a job so she hired me there. After awhile, she left because she found this other job. Nobody else there wanted the position so I accepted the manager position. After a year of her other job, she changed her mind and wanted to come back. Behind my back she arranged to push me back down so she could manage again. (mind you this a sleezy company that knows that shes never leaving now, they know i'm in college and i will leave so it made sense to them) that was problem #1. She wasn't managing at her other job which was one reason why she didn't like it. She's a control freak and they told her what to do there instead of the other way around. Well, now she treats me like crap at work. She acts like the store just blew up without her there..no one can do anything right.. etc etc. One girl just quit because of her. She pushes me around constantly.. puts me down in front of customers.. and then blames everything she does wrong and/or is too lazy to do on me because i'm the assistant manger so they yell at me! She tries to get me to run errands for her everyday we work together and then gets all pissy (" well I love you too! grr") if I say no. She has asked for my opinion once in 6 months since she came back and when I didn't totally agree ( I made one suggestion of something to change) she was mad for the afternoon and called me a little wench about 6 times. She also told me flat out that I had to agree with her. Then, she ended up taking my suggestion but wouldn't complete the task while I was still there. What a * * * * * .

Also, she is twice my age but tries to act and dress like me. Everything we do, she does--then brags to me like I care. We have a girls night out once a month. Now, there are girls in this group that are older than her and that doesn't bother me. It's all coworkers and relatives. She tries to act like she is so young and wild but she doesn't want to do anything. She ruins the night for everyone else because when it comes down to it she doesn't want to do anything. She just sits there, won't have a drink, or play the games we have or do anything. It's best if she just stayed home, but how do you dis-invite her? (almost everyone agrees with me on this but no one wants to create havoc) This used to be my stress reliever from work/college.. but now it just makes me more stressed out from spending that extra time with her and I've pretty much backed out of that. I feel like I keep having to change my friends, life, work etc. to escape her!

To make it even better... we live in her apartment.. right next door. there's not a lot of places around that accept dogs plus I can't afford much more because like I said this is a sleezy crap hole that doesn't pay much. I have a difficult schedule because I'm still in college but I have to work full time to pay bills. We can't move.

She comes over to the house everyday.. sometimes 2 or 3 times. She doesn't listen to anything I say. She's very sneaky in getting her way and everyone winds up giving in to her just to shut her up. I hate when she takes care of our dog (if we go away for a day or two) because she doesn't respect any of our wishes. He's been a hard dog to housebreak (year+) and she'll let him play outside instead of being strict with is potty routine. She lets him roam around instead of putting him in his crate .. she teases him with toys, then he bites later when I have to take something away from him. She just has to defy and make my life hell. My boyfriend is caught in the middle and just wants it to end. She annoys him too but not to the extent she does to me... I have been looking for jobs but there isn't anything around. He will stand up to her a bit but he also wants a good relationship with his parents and I hate making his ok situation worse. She has it engrained in his head to never go against her. The one time he did go up against her she threatened to disown him and kick us out of the apt.. just a bit over dramatic. I don't think his dad totally agrees but he will always stand by her--which I can't be mad at him for. I'd want my husband to stand by me. I have no issues with him. Just the mother. I'm stuck with her and it causes me so much stress. I really hate the person she is but I want to have a good relationship. I feel like she needs to change but I doubt that will ever happen. Sorry this is so long but she has seriously become a part of my everyday frustrations. Any suggestions are welcomed!!!!

[Snoopy24]

Well #1 Find a new job. Yes it can be hard, but if you look hard enough you'll be able to find something.

 

And I hate to say this, but this is your bf's mother, so as much as you dislike her... as long as you and him are together, she will be in your life.

 

The only thing I can suggest is leave your job, and just deal with her the best you can. You can't control how she dressed or acts. If she does something that really bothers you, sit down and explain to her nicley how she makes you feel.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm afraid that this will never end, as long as you're living, and working that close together.

 

Just my opinion, but working with, and living so close to relatives, can become a living nightmare!

 

Wishing you the best...

[beaglegirl]

Thank god in the meantime, one of my jobs did come through. It's no where near the money so, money will be tighter but it's not a job with her. Get this, she is now pissed off at me because I quit!!! That is what she wanted and has been pushing for!

 

I would love to actually be able to tell her what is going on. I don't dare even bring up anything to her. Her own son (my bf) was nice about it with her when he brought up the fact that when she pushed her way back into the job -- she was kinda mean and rude to not only me, but everyone else there . He pointed out that this was something she would have been furious about if she had been on the other end of the stick. She BLEW UP at him and told him to never ask for anything ever again, pretty much disowned him because he wouldn't stand by her. She has no rationalization skills. Its just whatever she feels like for the moment and you just don't go against her, end of story. Grrr.