Am I Doing The Right Thing?

[MemoriesDust]

Yes, hello, me again.

 

Just a quick post...

 

My gf went pretty AWOL last weekend, took a day to reply to texts then would only say Good Morn/Good Night.

 

I finally called her on it on Wed, she didn't reply to my texts nor my phone call, then eventually called me back, told me she was very unhappy and her dog (who has been sick since Feb) is close to dying. Obviously I was very sympathetic, although confused as to why she didn't tell me 5 days earlier instead of making me feel anxious (and eventually crying in front of my mum!)

 

She told me that she wanted to spend the weekend alone with her dog, instead of seeing me, and of course I said that was fine and I understood. She texted a few times the next morning, and I told her I was here for her if and when she needed me, and I loved her.

 

Since then I've just been letting her have space with the dog, as she requested... I haven't heard from her in 48 hours, but I notice that she's blogging about being incredibly alone, and frequenting websites we both visit, reaching out to friends, saying she's feeling "strange" and needs to chat.

 

Am I doing the right thing is just giving her the space? I've been anxious for a week now. I feel like I'm in NC but we haven't broken up. I feel like I'm going through a break up... I feel shut out for no reason. She knows where I am, and she knows how I feel. Should I just keep my distance??

 

Many thanks.

 

M&D

[Supa_gurl]

Reply to one of her blogs. Reiterate that you are there for her and she shouldn't feel alone. If then she says that she needs to be away from you for whatever reason, go ahead then and give her the space. But let her know how much you love her and that you are there for her, and that she should'nt feel lonely.

[Segan]

Ugh this is a hard one. I take it you are both girls?

 

We sorta need more info: How long have you been going out? Was there ANY indication of a problem before this?

 

But.. If it were me, I would probably give her another day or two of distance, maybe just send her one text, saying something like "I miss you, I want to hear your voice".

 

If she doesn't get back to you in a day or two, I think there is obviously some sort of problem (could just be depression on her part) but that it would be important to try to get in touch with her via phone.

 

Sometimes when people are depressed or confused about something, they think they dont want to talk, so they wont initiate a conversation, but if you reach out, they will talk to you.

 

Also, do you guys live far apart?

[Segan]

Reply to one of her blogs. Reiterate that you are there for her and she shouldn't feel alone. If then she says that she needs to be away from you for whatever reason, go ahead then and give her the space. But let her know how much you love her and that you are there for her, and that she should'nt feel lonely.

 

I think that is a bad idea. It seems stalker-like. You have her phone #, text and/or call her.

[MemoriesDust]

Thanks for your reply.

 

Yes, we are both girls in a same-sex relationship (we're both Bi, and there is an 11 year age gap, me being the younger at 25).

 

We have *huge* problems.... If you look at my post history, you'll see. She dumps me, then she wants me back, then she'll treat me badly, not want contact, be non-committal till I end up walking away. Then she'll beg for me back, say she'll change, I'll give her another chance, then I'll do something that upsets her, call her on something and she'll dump me, and round we go again. I'm obviously not innocent, I can be stubborn as hell, but I'm loving, warm, compassionate, and when we're together I run in circles trying to look after her and make her happy.

 

I'm beginning to realise that my happiness is of no concern to her... My needs don't matter. I told her the other week that one of my good friends had cancer, she literally texted to say "I'm sorry to hear that" and then launched into her own problems.

 

We live 2 hours apart... It was her decision to see each other every weekend to make it more of a near-distance thing (although it's been me traveling to see her seeing as her dog is sick, and she won't come and see me...) and well, it's been 3 weeks since we've seen each other.

 

I have no idea why she shuts me out, I always listen to her... I feel like it's a powerplay again to gain control. She wants control all the time.

 

I'm so sick of feeling anxious, I've tried so hard over the last 6 months that I just feel like breaking down and crying

 

M&D

[thejigsup]

She's selfish and you feed into that. End of story.