Females, would you take this seriously?

[Carmine]

If you got a text late at night from a guy, like 2 am, would you assume he was out partying, maybe a little drunk, and was just texting anyone and everyone? I find myself doing this a lot and sometimes to girls I like, and I also find that I usually don't get responses to these late-night texts.

 

I think I do this because I don't want to make it seem like I like one girl too much...yes, a bit of game playing, I know, but the fact is that it's not working for me...considering I'm not getting any responses.

 

I just don't want to be too direct and eager with a girl I like by texting her during the day just to chat. Is that a dumb thing to be worried about?

[morgane]

i wouldn't know, i don't have a cell. But i have men calling me aftermidnight before and it was fine.

[annie24]

If you got a text late at night from a guy, like 2 am, would you assume he was out partying, maybe a little drunk, and was just texting anyone and everyone? I find myself doing this a lot and sometimes to girls I like, and I also find that I usually don't get responses to these late-night texts.

 

I think I do this because I don't want to make it seem like I like one girl too much...yes, a bit of game playing, I know, but the fact is that it's not working for me...considering I'm not getting any responses.

 

I just don't want to be too direct and eager with a girl I like by texting her during the day just to chat. Is that a dumb thing to be worried about?

 

i don't respond to late night texts. and any guy who thinks that 'texting during the day' is forward is kind of a bonehead. texting is such a lame form of communication. i can't believe i've had 35 year old men text me, and then wonder why i don't respond. how about picking up the phone and asking her to coffee? texting is better for 'hey - stuck in the meeting, will be late for dinner.'

 

late night calls and texts? no, they don't make me feel special or sexy. i think the guy is a loser when he does that.

[just M.E.]

What annie said

 

and I would assume drunken dialng or texting at that hour

[SupaflyTNT]

Why would it be too eager to text a girl during the day? I rarely text a girl after 2am, sometimes it can be taken the wrong way. I think a lot of girls would assume that you're trying to pull off a booty call. I would rather talk on the phone anyway, I can't stand texting most of the time.

[agent1607307371]

I just don't want to be too direct and eager with a girl I like by texting her during the day just to chat. Is that a dumb thing to be worried about?

 

Yes.

 

If you don't want to act like you're interested then women aren't going to respond to you. It's that simple.

[lisa1126]

For one, most people would be in bed that hour, hence no response to your texts.

 

I don't see problems with using texting as a form of communitcation. I would welcome texts day and night from a guy who I am interested. That's just me.

[Carmine]

late night calls and texts? no, they don't make me feel special or sexy. i think the guy is a loser when he does that.

 

Whoa whoa annie, no need to jump to conclusions about me.

 

I guess I feel this way because whenever I've been forward with a girl and tried to have a nice texting conversation with her in the day she tended to avoid me. I don't even like texting, I'd much rather talk, but texting seems to be the norm for my age and I've heard people say that it would be inappropriate to call. Go figure.

 

I've tried to make girls feel special, like I was taking time out of my day to call them or text them, but like I said, they didn't seem to like that. Maybe they were just the wrong types of girls. You know...party girls...

 

I'd love to take a girl out for coffee or to see a movie, but people have told me that it's better to "hang out" first, and that's what girls seem to rather do.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

I guess texting is over used these days.I remember the days when a landline to her house was the only way to contact her...in the days before Facebook,Messenger,cell phones etc and we still managed.I will text occasionally if calling is not practical but calling is better.

[LBP]

Haha! So often, I've expressed my distaste for texting, thinking it a fairly low form of communication. I don't even do the Instant Messaging anymore. Yet, seeing so many girls do it... Knowing so many of male peers who do it... Knowing even PARENTS who do it to talk to their children... I decided the other day, what the heck, I'll try jumping on the bus.

 

Very few responses, all told! And now I see, here, that it could be because I'm a loser! Perhaps I'll give up this whole text notion and just use my voice, as God intended. Join me, Carmine - let these messages be damned.

[Carmine]

Haha! So often, I've expressed my distaste for texting, thinking it a fairly low form of communication. I don't even do the Instant Messaging anymore. Yet, seeing so many girls do it... Knowing so many of male peers who do it... Knowing even PARENTS who do it to talk to their children... I decided the other day, what the heck, I'll try jumping on the bus.

 

Very few responses, all told! And now I see, here, that it could be because I'm a loser! Perhaps I'll give up this whole text notion and just use my voice, as God intended. Join me, Carmine - let these messages be damned.

 

One of my best friends only got texting in the past week. Before then, he had to...use his voice *gasp*. Now's he's gone to the dark side.

 

I would think he was lonely and looking for a booty call.

 

My thoughts exactly. It just frustrates me since you can't win. I try to talk to a girl I like during the day and maybe ask her out for coffee...suddenly I'm desperate and over-eager. So I take my brother's advice and ask girls to hang out at parties and in groups instead of going out, asking last minute to make it seem like I'm busy or whatever. Now I'm a booty caller.

 

Screw these games, I'm going back to what I used to do. When I like a girl, I'm asking her out DURING REASONABLE HOURS to do something JUST BETWEEN US. She thinks I'm coming on too strong, over-eager, or lame because I didn't call her to go to some stupid party and drink with a group? Fine, she can think that, but I don't need her if she's going to make those false assumptions when I was just trying to treat her specially and with a bit of respect.

[Day_Walker]

I dont know the content of your texts but if you are looking to get responses then you are going about this the wrong way. A girl is obviously going to take into consideration what you text'd her, so if you know that she isnt going to respond anyway then make sure you make your texts as effective as possible, in trying to get accross the point that you are trying to get accross.

[Kat123]

I think sticking to talking to girls during reasonable hours and asking them out one on one is the right way (and normal way) to go about dating. I most certainly would not respond to a 2am text, and would absolutely think the person was being a drunk idiot if they texted me at that hour. The exception being if I had just seen this person out at the bars or something like that.

 

All in all, the 2am text can never be a good thing, and will always be taken the wrong way.

[Carmine]

Ok, now in my defense, I'm 18 and these drunken 2 am texts seem to be quite common and acceptable at my age, as opposed to a more mature age range.

 

That's a lame defense though, because drunken 2 am texts aren't me. While I may have given the impression that I'm a drunken bonehead to ENAers, I'm not.

 

On a side note, I just asked this girl out to a movie via text...got blown off though.

[fastball2113]

I think I speak for most people when I say that when someone initiates conversation via text/aim or whatever that late that you the sender looks kind of shady. Dude, the only instances I have used my phone at or past 2am are the following:

1. drunk off my ass

2. was on my way into surgery

3. found out my grandfather died

 

What's the big deal with talking/texting the girl in the day? If you are afraid of getting rejected by this girl then indirectly invite her out somewhere...say something like you and your friend are going somewhere, then ask her if she wants to come too. I think you are overthinking things with this girl, just let it flow bro

[watergirl]

If you got a text late at night from a guy, like 2 am, would you assume he was out partying, maybe a little drunk, and was just texting anyone and everyone? I find myself doing this a lot and sometimes to girls I like, and I also find that I usually don't get responses to these late-night texts.

 

I think I do this because I don't want to make it seem like I like one girl too much...yes, a bit of game playing, I know, but the fact is that it's not working for me...considering I'm not getting any responses.

 

I just don't want to be too direct and eager with a girl I like by texting her during the day just to chat. Is that a dumb thing to be worried about?

 

Dude. Any girl worth her salt isn't going to text you back at 2 am--it makes you sound like all you want is a booty call. If you are doing this to girls you like and aren't getting responses, you have that going for you--that you like girls who have a little bit more to offer, apparently. No wonder you aren't getting responses!

 

If you like a girl, don't text her at 2 am! You'll get much further with her that way, and I'm not talking about jumping between the sheets. You should be exactly direct with a girl during the day! The girls you seem to like would appreciate that more. Unless she tells you it's OK to text her at 2 am, then don't. I personally wouldn't text a guy back if he sent me one at that time a day.

 

What you should worry about is the girls who DO text you back at that time of the morning/night, and haven't told you it's OK to communicate then. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm a girl & I know how we are. lol

[Carmine]

I think I speak for most people when I say that when someone initiates conversation via text/aim or whatever that late that you the sender looks kind of shady. Dude, the only instances I have used my phone at or past 2am are the following:

1. drunk off my ass

2. was on my way into surgery

3. found out my grandfather died

 

What's the big deal with talking/texting the girl in the day? If you are afraid of getting rejected by this girl then indirectly invite her out somewhere...say something like you and your friend are going somewhere, then ask her if she wants to come too. I think you are overthinking things with this girl, just let it flow bro

 

It's not one girl, and I've been rejected so much that it bounces off me like I'm a stone, so I'm not afraid of it.

 

Here's how things went with me. I used to to direct and ask girls out one-on-one in reasonable hours. I kept getting rejected time after time. I was getting tired of it, so I wrote something on here and asked my brother for advice. Essentially, the advice I got was to stop asking girls out and instead just have my group of friends and the girl's friends hang out at parties and eventually hook up...except I don't have a reliable group of friends, nor did I find this approach that desirable, so I was stuck again.

 

Recently I've been exposed to a much wilder scene, so to fit in I guess I wanted to show that I was active a lot. Silly now that I look back at it.

[Carmine]

Well it's not like the alternative is any better...always getting blown off or even ignored by girls who I ask in the day. I was getting blown off so much that I figured I was maybe being too much of a straight-edge and respectful guy for girls my age...maybe they want a guy who's partying every now and then because that shows he has a social life. Maybe they don't want to go out for coffee, maybe that's lame and boring. I'm not a party guy though, and it was wrong for me to try and be that.

 

Sigh, I think being around all these alcoholic girls who party every night has influenced me badly...they've clouded my vision to other girls out there, except I really haven't been in contact with any other girls over the summer, so all I've known for the past few months are these party girls who might be attractive but don't have any direction or ambitions.

[fastball2113]

Carmine,

 

Your in college, whether you like it or not college priorities are to get drunk as much and as often as possible. College is not a time to have relationships, so don't sweat it. You do have to know, you can't just ask a girl out..you have to build comfort with the girl. Go to parties and having fun doesnt mean that you have to get drunk all the time.

[Carmine]

If it's not the time for relationships than how come so many girls I meet have boyfriends? What if I'd rather have a good girlfriend than just go from girl to girl with unsatisfying hookups.

 

The truth is, I can't just go out, get drunk, and have fun even if I wanted to. I don't have friends to take me to parties. I don't have girls to get me into parties. The worst part is the people who are supposed to be my friends, who have no social trouble at all, ignore my requests and never include me.

 

And I don't get how to build a girl's comfort with me when she won't even hang out with me or talk to me.

[ColdHands...]

The worst part is the people who are supposed to be my friends, who have no social trouble at all, ignore my requests and never include me.

 

Have you thought about why that happens? If friends dont include you, then somethings not right...either with them or with you. Its not the first time you've mentioned something like this and I think you've gotta get to the root of this problem.

I cant see how you're gonna have a serious relationship with someone if they wont hang out with you.

 

As for 2am texts (which are pretty standard among teenagers nowadays) its easy to see why the recipient would think 'he's just drunk and couldnt find anyone else.'

[fastball2113]

I wasnt saying that getting drunk was what you should do, I was pointing out that that is the prioirity of the vast majority of college students...and when that is a priority I dont know how anyone can have a SO. And if people are ignoring you, not inviting you places, they are NOT friends.

 

Find a group to hangout with...that includes you in things

when you hangout in a group usually that group meets girls

when you hangout in a group setting, you build the comfort with the girls

THEN you ask them to hangout with you..just you, after hanging out IN A GROUP with them (no specific frame, depends on how well it goes)

[Carmine]

Have you thought about why that happens? If friends dont include you, then somethings not right...either with them or with you. Its not the first time you've mentioned something like this and I think you've gotta get to the root of this problem.

I cant see how you're gonna have a serious relationship with someone if they wont hang out with you.

 

As for 2am texts (which are pretty standard among teenagers nowadays) its easy to see why the recipient would think 'he's just drunk and couldnt find anyone else.'

 

It always comes back to the roots, as you said.

 

I'm different from the norm, there's no doubt about that and people know it once they talk to me. I do enough regular things though that people can relate to me, though. I'm very observant, especially towards myself, and while I can sometimes be a bit outlandish (you know, "that guy" that usually pushes the weird limits) I do it only to the point where it makes me funny and interesting, not a total freak or nut. I understand that some people might not be able to accept my differences, but for most people I'm likable.

 

I'd like to believe this is a long run of bad luck, and it's not that unreasonable to believe it. In early high school I was abused for my obesity. Then I built my body so no one would mess with me directly any more. I had years of rage built up in me and took it out on the guys who abused me. From that point on no one messed with me, but at the same time no one tried to reach out to me. I calmed down and became more peaceful and sensitive my senior year, so people at that time did reach out to me, but I was too depressed to notice. That depression carried on into the beginning of college, so I didn't make friends with my dorm...plus I was surrounded entirely by guys who just played halo and guitar hero all day. Eventually I met people through crew, but all of them lived in different dorms where there was a mix of boys and girls, so they all already had an established network of friends when I came into the picture. They're not bad people...they just don't need another friend, despite the fact that I need some friends. I told them of my situation and was honest with them. Despite knowing my situation, they did little to include me. One guy who is now in a relationship with a mutual girl friend always has girls from his dorm calling him, wanting to date him. I asked him to bring me out and introduce me to some of these girls - that hasn't happened.

[ColdHands...]

Ah I see. It probably wasn't a good idea to tell those guys about your situation (sounds a bit desperate). But other than that, you seem to know whats going on and you have a pretty good understanding of life for an 18 year old. You're doing the right things...just give it time and dont overdo it.

 

When I was at school, I didnt have many friends cos of similar bad luck, but when I went to uni, it was a new start and now I have a great circle of friends and recently came out of a serious relationship.

[Carmine]

Ah I see. It probably wasn't a good idea to tell those guys about your situation (sounds a bit desperate). But other than that, you seem to know whats going on and you have a pretty good understanding of life for an 18 year old. You're doing the right things...just give it time and dont overdo it.

 

I only told one of them the truth about my situation because earlier he came to me asking for my trust and support with something, and I was loyal and didn't fail him. I figured I could trust him to help me like I helped him, but I was wrong...maybe he'll pull through eventually once he gets his own things straight, but I'm certainly not relying on him for anything anymore.