Personal grudge against men

[ShyKawaii89]

Okay so my problem is that I've never had very many good experiences with guys in my life. My dad has been constantly verbally/mentally abusing me since I was about 11, my older brother has hated me for no reason pratically my whole life, all of my guy friends were only my friend because they wanted to go out with me and when I told them it wasn't going to happen they stopped being my friend (and one of them tried to rape me), and all the guys I've gone out with have only gone out with me for how I look (not that I think I'm all that cute but apparently they did). My question is: how am I supposed to trust guys after having such bad experiences with them? I'm sure there must be some good guys out there but most of my past experiences have shown otherwise. Every time I try to put that all behind me and trust a guy they just do something to make me regret it. I don't want to go around hating men and constantly guarding myself from them but I don't know how to stop. Sorry for the long post but please help me.

[morgane]

have you ever considered women? they're much better for you. just saying

[Creative]

Do you find other girls have similar experience?

[Whiskers]

Hmmm, women wouldn't be a bad way to go but the relationships are no less complicated. Is there no way you can get out of there? Go to college, leave home...I always thought a fresh start was a good idea (though I never fully needed one)

But you could remain guarded and careful with men, chose more selectively knowing you have the distraction of a new place to live, a new job and none of those people that tear you down.

Choose your friends more selectively, take you time and care about number 1 before the rest. Find your feet.

 

If a guy is worth it, he will work a little for it and understand if you want to start slow.

Your father most likely will never change and it's best to keep your distance. Your brother can simply continue hated you for whatever reason but if you go on, make a success of your life and are happy, they can go on making there own lives miserable can't they?

XXXX

[DaBladeRoden]

do what I tell all the women, move to southern Wisconsin

[Tezza]

I think I have this problem sort of, I guess with my current bf I am not opening up to him as much as I could cos I was cheated on by the last one. I have been with him for about 1 and half years, and I still constantly delete his mobile number, it's as if I don't expect him to stick around for too long, cos he'll want to find someone else.

 

I think that he is a good guy in general, but I am constantly comtemplating living a single life in my old age, with a cat, or perhaps raise kids on my own, instead of relying on a man. It sucks when a man from your past, just ruins your perception of men in general.

 

I know there are good guys out there but it is just hard to believe thats all, especially when one that tells you that he loves you so much can hurt you really bad. It is hard to trust any man again.

[Rising]

It sounds like you've had bad luck with guys but you have to realize that there are plenty of wonderful guys out there. It may just be that you don't have access to many. Now the real question is why that is.

 

Do you meet a lot of new interesting guys? Where do you go to meet them? Could it be that the guys you choose to keep close company with are of the same sort, and more specifically the kind that you describe as disliking? I think if you set yourself up for it you'll meet a nice guy in no time. Just gotta make sure you keep your eyes open.

[CaptainPlanet]

Most of your problems seem to be that men like you, but not in the way that you want them too.

 

Look at this on face value, men find you sexy. Do you find puppies cute ? Do you think a puppy should hold it against you because you might only like it because it is cute ?

[Luke Skywalker]

Wow. That's an intense story. I would suggest you write to Dr. Phil about it, and maybe you'll get a spot on national television to share your story.

 

So, you cant keep one guy friend that wont stay with you unless you put out, eh? Why don't you tell them that you are waiting until marriage or something and want to remain a virgin for your future husband, or tell them that you are an asexual or something and not attracted to anyone, that way they wont feel bad if you turn them down for sex and will respect you. But if you turn someone down and they think they are ugly or something, but you'd do them if they looked hotter then that's a different type of turn down, right?

[bertdru]

Umm therapy? Supposedly these therapists have new techniques to control these fears. Writing down these feelings on enotalone is a pretty good form of therapy too though but having a one-to-one therapy session would be quite effective. You know, maybe I should go to these therapists to control my fears too.

[ShyKawaii89]

To Morgane: I would turn to girls but I'm just not attracted to other girls. I thought I had a crush on my friend a while ago but I think I may have just been confusing that with something else.

 

To CaptainPlanet: It's not the fact that guys like me that I'm upset about, in fact I find that quite flattering, it's the fact that they don't treat me very well, like they don't see me as a real person or something. It's like they don't realize the I have real feelings.

[CaptainPlanet]

Well that is the problem isn't it.

 

People who are good looking are liked by other people, people who are liked by other people tend not to have to care about lots of other people; they'll always have friends.

 

When you're 19 not many people have had much life experience, so looks are all they can go by.

 

Ugly guys will probably be nicer to you. But you won't be interested in them naturally. Thats kinda the way it is doesn't mean all men are bad just means that a lot of them are.

 

And I agree, guys do suck, most people are horrible and nasty creatures. They're vain and just awful to be around. Be nice to people and be good to people to try and stop the trend.

 

Personally I don't like most women but I always have room for women that are decent and I don't open up to every pretty little thing that wants to talk to me because I am tall. She is most likely evil, self serving and selfish.

 

I don't know if that helped but the answer is don't hate men in general hate the 95% of us that are awful.

 

By the way I really don't like people very much but I am the foolish sort that for some reason believes we should help each other; that 5% that is.

[just M.E.]

Shy -

 

Here's another way to look at this .... it isn't about them and how they treat you, it is about yourself and how you react and feel about how they behave.

 

If someone doesn't treat you with respect - there is a big difference between honest respect and sweet talk, I want to get into your pants treatment - then you need to put distance between them and you. If they give you grief about it be honest, tell them you don't enjoy their company when they look down on you or treat you badly.

 

All people gravitate to a person who has a sense of who they are, for you, with your issues about your father, it will be tougher. But my guess (input from guys welcomed here, please) most reasonably intelligent guys like a gal who is comfortable with who she is and has some spunk. Some guys will act like they want a door mat but few really do want that.

 

OK guys, am I right or am I right ;-) Of course being cute and attractive is never a negative.