Is the professional, working women our problem?

[MrRight]

Folks, how about that:

 

Am I wrong that women who are successful professionals became so entrenched in work that chances to have successful marriage with them are minimal? Am I the only one who noticed that or is that for real?

 

I just broke up with a successful woman who made three times more money than me and claimed initially she was from the "old school" and lovely and it turned out she was cold like a piece of ice and just had time to herself and wanted to have her sweet alone. Boring like hell once I met here.

 

Then tonight, just half hour ago, I decided to stop in a restaurant near my home for a drink or two. Right there I sat down to the bar and two beautiful blondes were there. I swear I did not even paid attention or attempted to start a conversation. I finally got tired of the whole thing and I thought I wanted peace before reading a book and sleep (I think I am getting old?).

 

Then she started talking, blah, blah, asked where I was from. All of sudden the other one (who is a sister) starting saying that this blonde who was talking with me drives a Porsche, she started saying she has a nice house, boat, etc. Just as a typical procedure, I asked her if I could see her again. We talked for about half hour she said she wanted to live in the country I am from, etc. She said yes and gave me her cell and business card and told me to call her.

 

Honestly, I do not even know if I will call her.

 

Is there any trend out there where good men (assuming I am one of them) prefer the more ordinary woman these days? At least that's how I feel.

[morgane]

well i am much more like the first woman, ive always been career oriented, and not looking to get married or have children, i just want to be a sucess career woman. Then im complete.

[purpleduckie]

no, i don't think there is a trend. it's too much of a generalization.

 

but, i'm pretty into my school/career. my last bf didn't like that, said he'd prefer it if i partied more and care less about my school. lol. i guess i'm boring to people who aren't into the same things i am. my work is fun to me. i enjoy talking about it.

 

so maybe you guys just didn't click mentally? didn't have much in common?

[purpleduckie]

well i am much more like the first woman, ive always been career oriented, and not looking to get married or have children, i just want to be a sucess career woman. Then im complete.

 

haha, i wish i could be like you! one part of me really don't care about family and just want a successful career, but the other part wants a career. it's conflicting because i know if i had one, i couldn't have the other.

[sidehop]

There was an article I read awhile ago on the statistics of successful women, particularly in the corporate world that have similar trait as you described. It even mentioned the chances of these women cheating on their husband (or b/f?) is higher which peaked my interest.

 

I used to know a woman that was very successful that was climbing up the corporate ladder fairly quickly. Very attractive, fit (triathlon, etc) and in general she was reserved. Of course from what I talked to other people she has never married (32 or so) and hasn't really dated many people. I did have a chance to go to the cafeteria with her as she was friendly but when I asked later on if she wanted to go out to lunch alone, denied!

 

I'm not sure, ever since that experience and the articles I've read I never bothered to pay any attention to...hard working successful women basically.

 

Maybe they need a bigger challenge in a relationship since they are more successful? I know not every women are like this but I just seem to find them 'out of my reach' in many levels.

 

Those were my toughts rambling on...

[morgane]

haha, i wish i could be like you! one part of me really don't care about family and just want a successful career, but the other part wants a career. it's conflicting because i know if i had one, i couldn't have the other.

 

aww that's understandable, it's just i've wanted career for so long and i just want everything for me so i guess imselfish but that how i have been since i was born. I never had the female wanting children and a husband and cooking thing

[purpleduckie]

wow, what i typed made no sense. i need sleep! i meant, the other part of me wants family and 10 kids. hah.

 

 

 

& to sidehop,

that's what my last bf said too. he didn't trust me because of how independent i was. he thought those women are cold, and more likely to cheat. he didn't like how i commended women who didn't feel the need to conform to society and their image of how women should be. i admire women who are career oriented.

 

oh well.

like i said, those things are too generalizing. i'm not cold, don't think i'm boring either. and i definitely would never cheat! hrmph. lol

[CaptainPlanet]

It depends really the women that do something just because they want to achieve something with their lives tend to be really good sorts. For example if a girl is interested in biology or chemistry or even teaching and chases after that with a lot of passion, they're generally alright.

 

The bad ones are the ones that just want a ' career ' and are more concerned with status and what people will think of them than they are living a stable life. They believe they need that much money or something like it. If you're sacrificing your life for a career as an insurance sales woman or under writer, whatever they're called I think you're being taken for a ride.

 

If three months of the year she spends 14 hours a day in a lab working to discover some new gene or protein, thats pretty admirable so long as you find room for your friends and family.

 

It all just depends on the type of person she is, I am sure these career women spend lots of time socializing over lunch or out on dinners that they could be spending with their family and friends instead. They probably just think they're too good for everyone or that they won't 'click' with the other people because they're not like them.

 

The individual is important in this situation I believe anyway.

[morgane]

ha so i am the bad one, and do i care? no, i LOVE IT!

[GettingBetter]

haha, i wish i could be like you! one part of me really don't care about family and just want a successful career, but the other part wants a career. it's conflicting because i know if i had one, i couldn't have the other.

 

I plan on having both. The first 27 years of my life is about me getting to know myself. Seeing whether I'm a doer or a dreamer, and how far I can make it professionally. At that point, no matter where I'm at, I plan to settle in my career and focus on raising a family.

 

As far as the original post is concerned, people who are completely driven by their career scare me. And being a guy, yes that means I hold a perspective somewhat similar to your own about women. I mean, I honestly couldn't imagine growing old without a family. The interesting thing about me is, I don't want to be successful for the money nor the fame, nor to prove anything to anyone but myself. But I want to know whether I can actually do more than just dream. Either way I'll be happy, but I really want to know. And at that, I believe I fundamentally disagree with most people who seek professional success. (I even plan on limiting my income.)

[purpleduckie]

i guess it depends on the career you want. mine, i'll probably be established at around 40... that is just too late to have children, in my opinion.

[GettingBetter]

i guess it depends on the career you want. mine, i'll probably be established at around 40... that is just too late to have children, in my opinion.

 

For me, it's more important to have the family, so 27 is it. To be successful by that age, I plan to go out on a limb. If it doesn't work out, my backup plan is engineering, or teaching.

 

But, you certainly bring up a valid point. In many careers, success is less about a single innovation and more about duly climbing the ranks. With that, I wish you luck.

[Creative]

There are different types of successful woman. There are the holy cow radiant type that I'll fight for. And then of course, there are the expressionless managerial type that all guys try to avoid. They have a hard life too, so I try my best not to identify it in front of them.

[morgane]

There are different types of successful woman. There are the holy cow radiant type that I'll fight for. And then of course, there are the expressionless managerial type that all guys try to avoid. They have a hard life too, so I try my best not to identify it in front of them.

 

you're identify it infront of one right now.

[thejigsup]

Can I ask a question? How come no one asks the same question about men? It is acceptable for men to have successful careers, in fact it's expected. But let a woman do it and the men complain. Give us a break, guys. We have as much right as you guys to have a career that we love. We just need a little more help from you with housework and childrearing. Both sexes have to sacrifice so a family works well together. If you don't want a career woman, that is fine, find a stay-at-home mom who will look after you. I want a man who takes care of himself and lets me earn my living and love him at the same time. There is somebody out there for everyone.

[morgane]

Can I ask a question? How come no one asks the same question about men? It is acceptable for men to have successful careers, in fact it's expected. But let a woman do it and the men complain. Give us a break, guys. We have as much right as you guys to have a career that we love. We just need a little more help from you with housework and childrearing. Both sexes have to sacrifice so a family works well together. If you don't want a career woman, that is fine, find a stay-at-home mom who will look after you. I want a man who takes care of himself and lets me earn my living and love him at the same time. There is somebody out there for everyone.

 

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST WHAT I NEEDED, A WOMAN THAT AGREES WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now i am no longer frustrated.

[thejigsup]

You go, also. Love and a career are possible. I am a living, breathing, example of that. I am no one's idea of a domestic goddess, but my bf loves me that way. Find the right guy and it is oh-so-nice.

[morgane]

You go, also. Love and a career are possible. I am a living, breathing, example of that. I am no one's idea of a domestic goddess, but my bf loves me that way. Find the right guy and it is oh-so-nice.

 

yes yes yes!!!!!!!! all the women around the world, this is your idol right here, next to oprah!

[Creative]

Can I ask a question? How come no one asks the same question about men? It is acceptable for men to have successful careers, in fact it's expected. But let a woman do it and the men complain. Give us a break, guys. We have as much right as you guys to have a career that we love. We just need a little more help from you with housework and childrearing. Both sexes have to sacrifice so a family works well together. If you don't want a career woman, that is fine, find a stay-at-home mom who will look after you. I want a man who takes care of himself and lets me earn my living and love him at the same time. There is somebody out there for everyone.

 

This post is not about successful woman getting victimized. It's the fact that there are certain woman who are born to act cool and distance. And not consequentially, they tend to survive in the corporate world or thrive in their career.

 

Men here are not discussing about woman with money. They're referring to the type of woman they have to deal with but don't want to.

[morgane]

This post is not about successful woman getting victimized. It's the fact that there are certain woman who are born to act cool and distance. And not consequentially, they tend to survive in the corporate world or thrive in their career.

 

Men here are not discussing about woman with money. They're referring to the type of woman they have to deal with but don't want to.

 

whatever..............

[Tezza]

I have found the pressure to be career oriented, and have gone back to university to pursue a degree, when really I just want to become a mum and settle down.

 

My situation atm with my current relationship just doesn't allow for me to go in that direction for a long while, my boyfriend is at uni too. Plus I do not know if he is "the one" so I think that I am buying time by focusing on my career and studying...

 

If this relationship with this guy doesn't work out, then at least at the end of the day I have achieved something, rather than waiting around (just working) until he is ready to get married and have kids with me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Can I ask a question? How come no one asks the same question about men? It is acceptable for men to have successful careers, in fact it's expected. But let a woman do it and the men complain. Give us a break, guys. We have as much right as you guys to have a career that we love. We just need a little more help from you with housework and childrearing. Both sexes have to sacrifice so a family works well together. If you don't want a career woman, that is fine, find a stay-at-home mom who will look after you. I want a man who takes care of himself and lets me earn my living and love him at the same time. There is somebody out there for everyone.

 

Yay! I whole heartedly agree. It is annoying when people bash career women and believe that career women can't be kind, loving and committed to relationships and marriage. The OP just met some cold fishes and has now generalized. There are plenty of career men who have wives and children they barely know and have cheated on their wives when they go away on their many business trips or with their secretaries and other subordinates. There are also plenty of career-driven men who are very devoted to their spouse and children. This is a character issue not a gender issue and it has nothing to do with being career minded.

[rocio]

why would you even bother dating women who make it known to you, on the first encounter, what they drive and the size of their house??

 

I dunno, personally I think of myself as rather ordinary. However, I do have a professional career that I am proud of.

 

Perhaps you simply need to seek out more down-to-earth women instead of turning to these kinds of generalisations for relationship insight.

 

 

 

Edit: I sit at my desk and daydream about my beautiful family all day. People will come by and I'll have this goofy grin on my face, staring off into space. lol... I might be cool and distant to alot of people but my family are the center of my universe.

[Batya33]

Yay! I whole heartedly agree. It is annoying when people bash career women and believe that career women can't be kind, loving and committed to relationships and marriage. The OP just met some cold fishes and has now generalized. There are plenty of career men who have wives and children they barely know and have cheated on their wives when they go away on their many business trips or with their secretaries and other subordinates. There are also plenty of career-driven men who are very devoted to their spouse and children. This is a character issue not a gender issue and it has nothing to do with being career minded.

 

Whew, thanks COD! The silly stereotypes are unfortunate. I'm not materialistic in the least but I've met many non-career oriented people who are - career has nothing to do with it unless you choose a particular career "because" you're materialistic I guess.

 

I also know that if I had married my then fiancee at age 23 he would not have been supportive of me pursuing my current career (which I did not yet have) and I would have felt bored and trapped in the burbs in that situation (i.e. with a man who didn't value my ambition). I can guess that wouldn't have been a great mommy role model for the kids either.

 

I had far more success in my relationships once I came into my own career-wise and pursued my dream - increased self confidence and having a lot in common with career-oriented, smart, ambitious men (not just what we did for a living of course - I like to remove my work hat after work) were all big pluses. The men who would be "intimidated" just weren't good matches for me (but that was a very rare event)

 

Several of my friends started/are starting families in the age range of 39-42. All the kids are doing great. My other friend who started her family at age 26 and had four kids by age 34 has two special needs kids. Not that that is a tragedy --- in fact, they are great kids!--, just saying that it's not always age that correlates with kids with special needs if that is the concern.

 

I agree it's optimal to start a family earlier if you want biological kids, but if the risk is that you will feel unsatisified with yourself, your accomplishments, or choose a partner before you come into your own (and not just talking about career) that that probably increases the risk of divorce and dysfunctional families.

[annie24]

totally agree with the jigisup and crazyaboutdogs. the problem here, mrright, seems to me not that this woman you met was a career woman, but that she was a 'cold fish,' that you two just weren't compatible. some people are just more dull than others, and either don't have or don't want to make time for relationships, friendships, etc.....

 

speaking as another 'career woman', i certainly make time for my friends and special people in my life.

 

like jigisup said, interesting how we don't ever blame 'career men.'

 

i think you just found an incompatible woman and you shouldn't lump everyone together.

 

and like ambrella said - i'm not sure i would go out with someone who was talking about their car and other possessions like that on the first meeting either.