Social Anxiety

[DannyThe_Cat]

Whenever I talk with anyone , i have a feeling they want to laugh in my face even my parents , I dont have any friends , never had a girl friend when i talked with them i think they want to slap me in the face, how can i live like this i am afraid to talk with anyone now does that mean i'm retarded .?

 

Havent been in school for years and im disabled , i would like to take some kind of classes over the computer.

[jjkingston26]

in what way are you disabled?

[whes]

link removed

 

I was the same way for so long. It is hard to imagine myself as that way now, but nearly every second of everyday I was morbidly aware of every single action I did, every word I said and how it made me appear to people. I imagined that inside my head there were all of my friends, and especially my crushes or people I cared about, watching my life unfold on a movie screen. They could hear my words, hear my thoughts, feel my emotions and were constantly judging me. It was crippling me, and I felt depressed all the time and horribly insecure, too. I hated myself for being like that, which only fed into the cycle of depression and insecurity.

 

Social anxiety sucks. It really, really does. I got so sick of myself and sick of living like that. The trick is to just be sick of living like that, but NOT being sick of yourself. I only started to heal when I allowed myself my weaknesses, because you can't get away from them anymore than you can escape your own body. You HAVE to be okay living in your own skin with all your weak bits and all your caring, angry, loving, passionate, sad bits too. All of it is okay because all of it is you.

 

What is not okay is thinking that people take offense to you being you. I can tell you that there will always be people who won't like you, but don't let it be because they see you as an insecure person. Let them dislike you because you are a strong, confident person who fills up their own space. Don't let anyone diminish who you are or take away from your fire.

 

I've come to think of people as bodies filled with spirits. Ok, not so new of an image, but bear with me. The body people see is also your aura or your image - how people conceive of you inside their heads. What people see is an outline, your outside personality or being. How well they know you will determine how deeply they can see through that outside. You yourself are the only one who can see beyond that truly. Everyone has this inside hardness, the secret inside where your spark is. Sometimes you fill up your whole outline with that spark, and sometimes you only fill up a part of it, and let the rest be filled with little lies or with other peoples' conceptions of you. I was definitely someone who filled very little of her outline, letting the rest be filled with stuff that wasn't me at all. I now try as much as I can to live fully inside myself, and keep ahold of that spark that drives my life and keeps me centred.

 

Everytime you lose a hold of that spark or your centre, negative emotions take over. And it really is all in your head. The more you think about bad stuff the more they take over. All the bad stuff just snowballs until it feels like you're living in a pit of misery. I've been there and it is a long, hard slog climbing out of it. But I did. And it was worth every single long night spent berating myself, because I gained a strength of soul that nobody can ever take away again.

 

That social anxiety website has lists of groups that offer therapy for social anxiety, and also audio tapes. I do not know how well they work, but I've heard good things about them. I just want you to know that you don't have to stay where you are, that life can get better if you work hard and long enough at it.

[schueysgirl]

hi there.

 

Youve taken the first steps to improving by posting on here. It is a scary world out there, but its also fun, and when you sit inside scared to go out a whole big wide world is passing you by.

 

Its a vicious circle, the more you stay in, the more you dont want to go out, and the more your mind over works thinking that if you do go out, something bad will happen. The percentage of something bad happening is so minute though.

 

If you can get yourself out in the fresh air somehow, and clear your mind, this will stop your mind dwelling on the negative toughts you have about your parents and people laughing about you etc

 

It is hard, but just try and go out, even for 10 minutes. Stay near your house and then come back. Take a music player with you to distract you. Keep building yourself up. gentle exercise increases endorphins in your body, which makes you feel better.

 

Try and get yourself into a routine and stick to it.

 

Do you get on well with your parents? Can you talk to them about your fears? I suggest you try.

 

Aso any close friends to confind in? If not, come here and talk.

 

A class sounds like a wonderful way oto start building confidence, what kind of things are you into?

 

I would strongly suggest trying to go to a college or something though, so it does get you out the house one evening a week, and you can meet new people. It will be hard at first, but everyone will be super friendly, and if you pick something your interested in you will enjoy it, and meet people with the same interests.

 

I know its hard. When i started uni i had to attend the first group meeting late as i was at work before. It was a male dominated course in mechanics, cars and motorsport technology, and i didnt know anyone. I had to walk into a lecture theatre, late, in front of about 40-50 blokes. I was the only girl.

 

I was shaking like a leaf and felt sick. but i thought "why hold myself back? I can do anything i want to do, and if somoene wants to laugh then thats their problem"

 

People only laugh at you to hide the insecurities they have. And if they are mean about you then they are not worth knowing. All they have done is let you know that they are not worth being friends with before you wasted time and effort getting to know them.

 

Good luck! x