Dating someone with a new bankruptcy

[Mutley]

Just for fun here....

 

 

I was thinking about someone I dated a few years ago. She was about 3-5 months out from filing bankruptcy. She had no kids, no health issues, no loss of job, ...nothing like that. Plus she lived about 4 houses down from her mother.

 

Would you use that as indicator of their character?

[avman]

Just for fun here....

 

 

I was thinking about someone I dated a few years ago. She was about 3-5 months out from filing bankruptcy. She had no kids, no health issues, no loss of job, ...nothing like that. Plus she lived about 4 houses down from her mother.

 

Would you use that as indicator of their character?

 

Depends on the reason for their bankruptcy. Did they spend foolishly without a care for how they were going to pay it back and then go bankrupt? Or were they doing just fine and then suddenly lost their job, had a disasterous medical condition, or got taken to the cleaners in a divorce and had to declare bankruptcy just to survive?

 

The bankruptcy itself isn't an indicator of character. You have to look deeper at the circumstances.

[Mutley]

I posted above that no catastrophic life events occurred. So let's assume she's not good with money.

 

For the sake of the discussion...let's use this scenario.

[avman]

Did you ask her why she had to go bankrupt? What did she say?

[Mutley]

Did you ask her why she had to go bankrupt? What did she say?

 

She never really gave me a straight answer on it.

 

I found it questionable that she drove a big SUV (the insurance do to the bankruptcy was astronomical), cable tv, and had an expensive cell phone account and still had a land line.

 

It was a red flag at the time....but it didn't stop me from dating her.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I would definitely be careful about mingling money with her until you're really sure how she is as a spender, and that she has good enough character that she doesn't have a lackadaisical attitude towards money and debt.

 

People do learn from mistakes, but if there isn't a really good reason for the bankruptcy (i.e., it was just too much credit card spending) and she is not really young, then i'd wonder about her sense of responsbility towards herself and others.

 

Some people like that are looking for someone else to pick up the tab, and you don't want it to be you!

[avman]

Hmmm, well I guess it's hard to tell then. I agree with you that it would be a big red flag. It would certainly make me ask a lot of questions before I got serious with someone. If you didn't get a good straight answer that would probably be a deal breaker.

[Mutley]

Well, she thought she was SO together...which makes me laugh today.

 

Anyway...to answer my own question here....I'd still date them...but I'd be careful and watch for more red flags.

 

ps this relationship didn't work anyway for other reasons.

[avman]

Well, she thought she was SO together...which makes me laugh today.

 

Now THAT would be a red flag. Even if you have to file bankruptcy for a very good reason most people know that things are not ok.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I have been through a bankruptcy and it was because I was irresponsible. I continued on being irresponsible for a while afterward and then I got it figured out. Now I am responsible.

 

If she believes or tries to portray that she it 'together', then there is your red flag. One can go through bankruptcy and learn from it and then sin no more. But first you have to recognize your own mistakes.

[Mutley]

Now THAT would be a red flag. Even if you have to file bankruptcy for a very good reason most people know that things are not ok.

 

It was an LDR. She expected me to shuck my life and move to were she was. I made it clear that under no circumstances was I going to leave my children. (like I was REALLY going to take a life gamble with HER!!)

 

So she dropped me.

 

Too bad, so sad!!

[annie24]

i know a lady who has declared bankruptcy because the business that she started didn't wind up working out. she took a risk, it didn't work due to many factors, both within and beyond her control. i don't think she has a bad character, just things didn't turn out as expected.

 

if it's over, don't worry about it anymore.