Why do I want to see him though???

[Shattered21]

So I had the option this week to see him, we were both going to go to this concert and honestly our seats were right near each other. i opted out. I've been NC and haven't seen him since June so I thought this is better for me.

But today my friends and I were suppose to go to the beach where he lives. I doubt I would of even run into him but the plans fell through and now I have a bit of let down and anxiety.

 

Like I play out senarios in my head when I see him, what I will say or just how I will show him no attention. I don't know why I do this!

I know it isn't good if I see him and I have avoided it already this week, but i guess I still play situations out in my mind just incase fate does something and we have a bump in (granted this is rare we live an hour away from each other) Also he is leaving in a month. So this situation will only be even possible for another month.

 

SHould I still be wanting to see him, even though it is bad for me, and I don't know what I want from it. Like to show the pain he caused me, to cause him the same pain, or to make him jealous???

 

-Its like I want this one bump in and I feel like it would satisfy me, but I'm not sure if it really will

[StillSmiling]

Shattered, I too have day dreams of running into him. I think it's natural that we want to see them. I mean, we MISS them, even if we know it was not right. Eben when we know in our heads that we will only end up hurting again, and more.

 

You have done great being NC. That one "bump in" could put to back a long ways in your current stage of healing.

 

I keep thinking that I want to see my Ex just one more time to say things that I can now see and had not seen the last time we spoke. Like, "why did you make it all my fault? And do you realize what a control freak you were being?"

 

But none of it really matters now. We have been dismissed, and probably for the best.

 

Be grateful he will be leaving in a month. It will make it easier asthe time passes. Even when my Ex removed me from his "buddy lists" two days ago so we could no longer see each other online, it was a tiny, itty bitty baby step inmy healing ... but a step no less.

 

Stay strong and know that what you (and I) are feeling and wantingis normal. It;s justnot good for us.