Segan Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 So many girls I know refuse to accept that the guys they meet think of them more as potential sexual partners than "friends." One example: My cousin always has tons of guys who want to "hang out," but as soon as she gets a boyfriend, 99% of them vanish, and many never call her again. I explain why: they were not really friends, they just wanted to have sex with her. I will add that a guy can behave like "just a friend" easily, but deep down, most of these "friends" want to have sex with their girl-buddy -- or would at least seriously consider having sex with her assuming that 1) he cannot do "better" and 2) she would be willing. What does everyone think about this, and why are girls so unwilling to accept this as a fact? Note: I admit that this theory starts to break down after the age of 25 for a variety of reasons. 1) Both men and women are more mature about sex and what they "want" 2) More people are married 3) People are less desperate about getting laid (slightly less desperate) 4) women finally start to understand this more I have seen this all explained in more detail here: link removed link removed Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 Hi, Are you referring to the under 25? I'm not sure I take that theory. In my life I have mainly had friends who just happen to be men. Never felt like they wanted more then friendship. I will admit, a couple turned but in general most were just simply friends. No less and no more. I understand that this does happen and perhaps more inclined to be the younger generation but all through my life my friends have been predominantly male. Tina Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I certainly don't think of women that way. Link to comment
amipushy Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I asked about this ladder theory myself a while back. Everyone thought it was a crock and to be honest so do I. And I disagree about the friendship thing also- the thought that EVERY man they are friends has potentially screwed her in his mind would be far too hideous to think about. Link to comment
Segan Posted August 9, 2008 Author Share Posted August 9, 2008 Hi, Are you referring to the under 25? Tina Yes, I think that by age 25 or so this is much less true. And I'm not saying its true for ALL males and all relationships .. just most (I guess 99% is an exaggeration). Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 You know that the "Ladder Theory" is a work of satire, yes? There's a whole subculture of prank lovers who have a good laugh whenever naïfs swallow the bait and quote it as though it were fact. Which group are you in? Link to comment
Segan Posted August 9, 2008 Author Share Posted August 9, 2008 I understand that the ladder theory is satire, but I think it *IS* partially true, as is most satire. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I don't believe in running any of my relationships based on partial truths. Sure, many people have the desire to have sex with a person they find attractive but if they choose friendship, then they also choose to deal with the attraction - put it aside or off the radar - there's a continuum of attraction, and an analysis of benefits/downsides of being friends with someone you also might have a little crush on, or a bigger crush. I completely disagree that the motive behind opposite sex friendships is to get the other person into bed. I know that based on my own experiences and the collective experiences of people I know. Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I think you have a very warped sense of women, they are a gift from God not just someone to bang. Link to comment
Konyak Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 You have got to be kidding me. You just generalized the whole male population basically. It's people like you that give the good guys a bad name. I swear, people these days... Link to comment
anggrace Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 So that means you want to bang 99% of the girls you know? Ewe. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 How old are you? Batya explained it well. This is the sort of partial truth that a person can choose to accept, reject, or take with a grain of salt. I think, to take it as a guiding principle going into relating to men would be equally as devastating as to blindly believe that all men/boys have your own self interests in mind first and foremost. Either way you go, it is naive. And there's no big mystery to most of us as to why a younger person would be more likely to carry extra naivity into an interaction. Though, again, it would be a partial truth to assume that every young woman out there is blindly trusting of men, and has no personal judgment. So if you are really asking "Why do young women/girls trust the motives of men so easily?" - well, duh, they are young and just starting out on learning. Mistakes will be made. The funny thing is, this doesn't apply exclusively to any age range either. There are plenty of older people carrying around some naive beliefs that many younger folk have seen right through. Link to comment
bertdru Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 Not really. I wish I had more female friends. The female friends I had before(we just drifted apart) were the best, they were better than my male friends. They were kind, understanding and always used to understand me better than my male friends. I wish I was able to speak with women more openly. Link to comment
Jelina Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I sort of agree. I have never had a guy friend who just wanted to be my friend from the start. It's always because they were interested in me and after seeing that I'm not interested decide on being my friend. I'm not sure about the only banging part though. I don't agree however that all guys just want to have sex with girls and then leave them. But I do know alot of girls who have been in the situation where they know that that is the only thing the guy wants. For example I had a friend who knew this guy "liked her" he was known for just sleeping with girls and then dumping them afterwards. Everyone knew that including her, but she was still interested in him and believed that it would be different with her (alot of girls have the mentality that they can change anyone). She went out with him for 3 months thinking everything was fine. When she slept with him afterwards, he dumped her, right after it too. Link to comment
Pocket Rocket Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I've had lots of male friends and I'd say only about 20% (and I think that's a stretch) ever turned out to want more. But some of that percentage wanted a relationship and not just a quick tumble in the barn I'm quite wary of doing something to give guys the wrong impression, it's worked so far I guess. Link to comment
just M.E. Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 There are two kinds of people in this world, those that classify people into theories and groups and those that don't. That is also satire. You can't really accept any blanket theory, nothing in this world is black and white. I've had too many true guy friends to believe thay only wanted to "bang" me, some have been friends for nearly 40 years. One or two could have and didn't. Nothing is that simple, sorry to let you know that. Life is more complex and uncertain. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 You are fighting an uphill battle on this one, I have met only a few women that are willing to admit that the majority of guys that they meet want to have sex with them. It is a question of motivation, generally guys are motivated by sex, does that mean every guy is motivated that way no, but a significant portion are. One reason that women do not want to believe that the majority of men want to have sex with them is that they feel that would reduce them to just a purely sexual object and they feel that they have more to offer. The second reason is that men lie, a man who is willing to admit to this is not trying to impress women, he is just speaking his mind, which typically doesnt go well with women. A significant amount of men out there feel the need to lie about their intentions. I really dont think that this theory should be thought of as something new, either women can accept that men are motivated by sex or they wont. Personally if I were you I would pay attention to see which women believe this to be true and which do not, thereforee you can make your own conclusions as to the women who choose to believe this and those who do not. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 um, this is not true at all. I have many male friends, that I have had for years, and no, they aren't friends with me, bc they want to bang me. Most of them are married, or are in serious relationships. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 It's quite possible to be a casual friend with a girl but also not be repulsed by the idea of having sex with her. Or being willing to have sex with her should a no strings attached opportunity arise. I have a few female friends that, while I'm not intersted in asking them out and dating them, I might be open to a casual sexual relationship with them, or at least might consider the idea if asked. On the other hand, when I'm with them my thoughts aren't clouded with "how do I get this girl in to bed???" There are billions other women out there so I don't consider it any loss if I don't have sex with the one's I happen to be friends with. The number one criteria for being a platonic female friend to me is the same criteria as being a male friend to me: Do I have fun with you? If I don't then hot or not, you won't be my friend. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I feel sorry for the poor slob who lusts after his female friends, has never truly been in love and can't relate to the sentiment expressed in the song lyrics below. That pity turns to ire, though, if he tries to project his shortcomings on me by intimating that I lie when I avow that I don't, I have been and I can. To really love a woman To understand her - you gotta know it deep inside Hear every thought - see every dream And give her wings when she wants to fly Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms You know you really love a woman When you love a woman You tell her that she's really wanted When you love a woman You tell her that she's The One She needs somebody To tell her that it's gonna last forever So tell me have you ever really - Really really ever loved a woman? To really love a woman Let her hold you - 'Til ya know how she needs to be touched You've gotta breathe her - really taste her 'Til you can feel her in your blood And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes You know you really love a woman When you love a woman You tell her that she's really wanted When you love a woman You tell her that she's The One she needs somebody to tell her that you'll always be together So tell me have you ever really, Really really ever loved a woman? You got to give her some faith - hold her tight A little tenderness - gotta treat her right She will be there for you, taking good care of you You really gotta love your woman... Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms You know you really love a woman When you love a woman You tell her that she's really wanted When you love a woman You tell her that she's the one she needs somebody To tell her that it's gonna last forever So tell me have you ever really, Really really ever loved a woman? Just tell me have you ever really, really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me Just tell me have you ever really, Really, really, ever loved a woman? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 ^ I love that song. Sigh. Nicely done, DB. Link to comment
morgane Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 i know right? i so agree. Those women are always looking for "love" hahahahahaaaaaaa wake up and smell the roses darling! Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 That is a beautiful song. Tina Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I dont know why a person would turn to Bryan Adams lyrics in order to determine if a man has ever really loved a woman. We all can agree that this song is just an idealistic notion of what sounds good. If people want to believe that is what is acceptable then then they have a faulty perception of reality. Which are what songs are good at doing and the same with movies, creating this idealistic perception of the way that people want the world to be instead of what reality actually is. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I dont know why a person would turn to Bryan Adams lyrics in order to determine if a man has ever really loved a woman. We all can agree that this song is just an idealistic notion of what sounds good. If people want to believe that is what is acceptable then then they have a faulty perception of reality. Which are what songs are good at doing and the same with movies, creating this idealistic perception of the way that people want the world to be instead of what reality actually is. Well, there we are. You see it as unattainable fantasy and I've lived it. Thank you for making my point. Link to comment
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