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dj031607306447
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I need some advise a.s.a.p!

I have been going out with my boyfriend for over two years now, he's is a great guy, caring , he listens to me and we get on very well together. We are the same kind of person but our interests are VERY different. I am out going and I love to dance in night clubs and socailising, he doesnt he really quiet and shy .This was a big part of me before i met him. I still love doing it but when he does come out with me I know he's not really enjoying himself , he's doing it for me. I am not sure if it will work any more becouse we both have to compremise on what we like to do. we do both love each othe very much, i think he does more than me becouse if i did would i have these worries? pls help i dont know what to do should I stay and work at it or go?

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Hi DJ,

 

First of all, I would like to tell you that you might be wrong over him loving more than you. If you didn't love him as much, you wouldn't be posting to this forum to ask for advice. I believe you're both are doing a GREAT job.

 

As for your problem. The best situation is that you two have an indepth talk to each other and work it out. I believe that should be your first priority, because it does look like that you really care for this young man.

 

However, if things don't get resolved for you, than I don't think it will get resolved for him, either. You will stay unhappy, because he's not going with you or doesn't enjoy himself and I am sure he will feel the same way over you going out with your friend, instead of spending time with him. My advice is thereforeeeeeee, if things don't get resolved, it might be better if you two go your separate ways again. May be you could stay friends, I don't know, but then it doesn't look like that you were meant to be together.

 

I hope I was of help here and wish you good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

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I know it is difficult, but I think you two can make things work. In any relationship you don't want to lose you identity by sharing everything with the other person. It is good that you two have your own interests. Maybe you should just keep it that way. If you like going to the clubs let him know it's just for fun and if he is not comfortable it's okay if he's not there. Assure him you have no other intention then just going out and doing your thing. Encourage him to do his own thing, but let him know your not trying to push him away. You should then make special days, maybe once a week where the two of you can do something together that you are both comfortable with. Maybe like dinner and a movie, a walk, a drive somewhere, ice cream, bowling, maybe just a nice talk, you get the point. I am sure there is something the two of you can share and both enjoy. You guys really need to talk it out. Being that he is shy may also indicate he is insecure, not a bad thing. However he probably goes out clubbing with you feeling unfortable because he might think he could lose you otherwise. It's very important that you convey how much you love him and that in order for be happy the two of you must do what you find is fun. I am sure if you guys arrange something like a date once a week that you both make a firm unbreakable commitment to, it would ease his insecurities a little. Hope it helps.

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Thank you very much for your reply! Since writing that we have met up and had a long , long talk. We have decide to work things out as we still both love each other. I realised that the good outways the bad and Im not losing him becouse of our different interest. NO WAY. It is healthy to have different interests and to be different from each other. As to my doubts about loving him, I have never been more wrong in my life! words cant describe How i feel for him and this seperation has proved it.

 

I am glad that this happened cos it meant that both of us could get alot of stuff out in the air and I learned some things about him as to why he didnt feel comfortable going clubing all time. every couple has its ups and downs and there differences. I feel so happy and relived that this happened and its dealt with and that last night we were in each others arms

 

thanks again for your advise, its nice to know that your here

 

A very happy Dj

 

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Communication is VERY important in a relationship, as is compromise. Love is all about this...there is really no way around it. You take some, you lose some, but just dont give up too much...keep your dignity. If you have been able to compromise...that is what is important. I hope everything goes well and Im glad you worked things out!

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