If your bf/gf contacts his/her ex?

[Red49]

Okay, here is my question. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was going through a hard time in his/her life, a difficult stage, or anything like that at all, and called his/her ex for comfort, or to feel better, or just to help them through it, how would you feel about that? Would that be okay with you?

 

Or would you be upset? And I'm not talking about them calling up an ex that they remained friends with. I'm talking about an ex that they were with pretty recently, lets say between 6 months and one year ago, and who they haven't spoken to since they broke up.

 

All of a sudden, your boyfriend/girlfriend calls that person...how would you feel about it? Would you think that they still had feelings for their ex, or were considering getting back together with them and leaving you?

[chopperboy]

I'll say I can see both sides to this...

 

First, it sounds like your SO hasn't been with you all that long, and maybe in time of great emotional need he/she is turning to someone that knows him/her deeply - and that may be the ex. But... I won't say that's alright. I think that reaching out for comfort to exes is like playing with fire. It can reignite old emotions and make the current relationships crater. If I was in the situation that your SO is in, I'd try my damn best to help YOU help me, and I would not turn to my ex.

[nuttybuddy]

I think feelings come and go. And when he/she was in the dumps, he/she obviously thought of the ex. But the ex shouldn't read into this. The ex should just take it for what it is. The person called cuz he/she was in the dumps.

[Meatyka]

When my ex contacts me because of a problem, its not because she wants to get back together or anything, far from it. Its because the Ex will be able to help because he/she trusts him/her and they knew the person most

[HeartGoesOn]

I would say that is showing disrespect to the current partner. Especially if they have gone that long without contacting the ex.

 

I would question what this persons real intentions are.

[Red49]

Okay, but let me add one more part to the question. If you're girlfriend/boyfriend calls his/her ex and asks them if they are seeing anyone right now...does that make a difference to you?

 

Let's say you're bf/gf does tell their ex that they aren't calling to get back together with them, but still asks them if they're seeing anyone...what is the point of asking that question? I don't get it. Why do they want to know?

[nuttybuddy]

if he/she told u clearly that he/she's not interested in getting back together, then obviously he/she's only asking because he/she's curious. best thing for u is not to read into things.

[Red49]

Yes, but I don't see it as me reading into it. I mean, why call me at all then? Why not leave me alone and let me move on with my life? Why call me out of the blue, asking if I'm seeing anyone, to tell me she isn't calling to get back together, and then tell me she's going through a difficult time, and needed to hear my voice? If she's curious, she should learn to live with her curiosity. I can't be available at every whim of hers, to answer questions she wants answers to, out of the blue, totally random. She should know how it works. That was why I asked that question.

[nuttybuddy]

i think a possible explanation, amongst a few, may be that she might have also wanted to know if you still had any feelings for her. not that she would be 100% sure of anything just by getting to hear your voice, but sometimes, when a person is blue, it makes them feel good that someone actually likes them. so may be, though she may not have knowingly called you for that purpose, she may have just wanted to lift her spirits by hearing a voice of someone who once liked her and does not spurn her.

 

i'm sorry that you're really hurt by her. and perhaps you were used a little to lift her spirits, but maybe you can let it go as having done a good deed. but if she calls again next time, you really need to tell her that it's not right for her to call you.