How bad was it to stretch the truth about an STD test?

[Segan]

For the record, she knows about this, and said it wasnt a very big deal considering the circumstances, but I wanted to ask anyways.

 

My gf told me I could have sex without a condom, but right before penetration, she asked me, you were just tested right? I said yup!

 

I had previously told her I had been tested a few months ago, after my last intercourse partner (true), right before we started our relationship, but I had told her I would get tested again before the unsafe sex.

 

In truth, I did not get tested until *after* the unsafe sex -- I was clean.

 

But between my previous test and meeting her, I got a few handjobs from a girl who was friends with my old roommate. (Note, not cheating, this was before the GF).

 

I was thereforee about 98%+ sure I didnt have an STD, but I still technically lied when we had unsafe sex.

 

How bad was what I did?

[Aviatormy]

My gf told me I could have sex without a condom, but right before penetration, she asked me, you were just tested right? I said yup!

 

I had previously told her I had been tested a few months ago, after my last intercourse partner (true), right before we started our relationship, but I had told her I would get tested again before the unsafe sex.

 

In truth, I did not get tested until *after* the unsafe sex -- I was clean.

 

But between my previous test and meeting her, I got a few handjobs from a girl who was friends with my old roommate. (Note, not cheating, this was before the GF).

 

I was thereforee about 98%+ sure I didnt have an STD, but I still technically lied when we had unsafe sex.

 

How bad was what I did?

 

 

Ok how does this sound to your ears if your GF said "hey babe, remember when you asked me if I got tested that night when you put your FULL trust in me and we had unprotected sex??? Well I lied about getting tested but no worries, I am about 98% sure you do not have AIDS" Still love me? Wan't to have unprotected sex with me again?

 

What you didn't do was WRONG! you should never have unprotected sex with someone unless you are 100% sure. Not 98%. Not even 99.9999999999999999999%. Ouch! It is sad that there are people out there that are so willing to have unprotected sex with someone when they are still unsure whether or not they will give them a disease or not.

[Segan]

Well, Avi in my defense.. unless you wait about 9 months+ after sex and get tested 2-3 times you can still have a small but real chance of having a serious STD that is just undetected. So.. have you always waited 9 months+ and had multiple tests?

 

Furthermore, the chance of getting AIDS from a handjob is unbelievably small. Anyways, Life isnt 100%, but I admit this was one of the worst things I have ever done.

[redhearts]

Started off your relationship as a lie, that would end good.

 

So what if you ended up having something?

[Batya33]

I don't think you can get an std from a handjob unless there were open wounds involved so I don't think you had unsafe sex after you were tested but the interesting issue is that you thought you lied and were comfortable with lying to her and not letting her make up her own mind. I would be very upset with that type of thinking.

[Pocket Rocket]

Well, Avi in my defense.. unless you wait about 9 months+ after sex and get tested 2-3 times you can still have a small but real chance of having a serious STD that is just undetected. So.. have you always waited 9 months+ and had multiple tests?

 

I have protected sex until those months are over then both of us get the test done, so both our minds are at rest. I had unprotected sex with my first boyfriend and vowed never to go unprotected until the 'deadline' was up. Happily I was clean, which was lucky because the guy wasn't exactly squeaky clean. I wouldn't like to be put in danger and I wouldn't do the same to anyone else.

 

You were lucky. Do you think your girlfriend would have been as ok about it if it turned out you were positive for something serious? From now on whoever you're with, keep it safe until you're both sure. But Batya is right, it would be very unusual to get an STD from a handjob, but lying isn't ok.

[Aviatormy]

Well, Avi in my defense.. unless you wait about 9 months+ after sex and get tested 2-3 times you can still have a small but real chance of having a serious STD that is just undetected. So.. have you always waited 9 months+ and had multiple tests?

 

Furthermore, the chance of getting AIDS from a handjob is unbelievably small. Anyways, Life isnt 100%, but I admit this was one of the worst things I have ever done.

 

Ok well in my defense, I know this. I know that it takes a minimum of 6 months to be able to detect any sign of HIV. And it can take a long time to see any signs of any major STD.

 

Also, I have not been with many women since I became sexually active. The women that I have dated I had been with them for well over 9 months each. The women that I have "hooked" up with, meaning I slept with them but we never made it official, they were few and FAR between.

 

I was in the military for 5 years and during that time I was with only 2 women. One in which I dated for a little over a year, the other I dated for 3+years. Not to mention it was mandatory that we got tested every 6months for ALL STD's. Furthermore, since I have been out of the military I have still made it a point to get tested at least 3 times a year. Now that I am in a monogomous relationship with my fiance`, I can rest assured that both her and I are clean and I will never stop getting myself tested. I know for a fact that i am 100% clean, 1,000% faithful and I trust that my Fiance is faithful as well. This does not mean that I am going to stop getting tested though. If for some reason I am bleeding and I touch something that is contaminated at work, home or some other enviornment, I want to make sure that my body is clean and I do not pass anything on to the woman I love most.

 

thereforee, I agree that this is a terrible thing that you have done and from this point on, I hope that you make a GREAT effort to make sure that you and your loved one is safe from here on out.

 

Thank you for bringing up the good point though.

[sophie274]

Aviatormy and Pocket Rocket have given good long answers, so to get straight to the point. My personal moral compass tells me that this was very bad, and if I were your girlfriend I would be very upset.

 

I will say that it was probably not the safest thing for her to bring it up in the heat of the moment - she should have checked before - but you still have no excuse in my book.

[dan10]

segan you are lucky. and i'm not talking about the reasons that everyone else said. my reply isnt even about std's.

 

your girl trusted you. and you lied to her. then she gave you a second chance.

 

that tells me one of two things about her, 1)she cares about you and has a reason that she wants to be with you. or 2) she is not very smart and doesnt get that when something serious comes up you shouldnt lie about it. if i was ur gf i woulda smacked you. but seeing as she said it isnt a big deal and is giving you a second chance... my advice is to never forget it. you may not be so lucky the next time you screw up. so, be very thankful that she gave you a second chance, give her a really big kiss and tell her how much you appreciate her and value her, and when she asks why all of a sudden you did this, say "all of a sudden i realized how important you are to me"

 

that way she thinks your an amazingly sweet guy and (hopefully) you never forget that you are getting a second chance with her trust free and clear. dont screw it up again or i'll come and smack you for her.

[Daddy Bear]

I don't think you can get an std from a handjob unless there were open wounds involved so I don't think you had unsafe sex after you were tested but the interesting issue is that you thought you lied and were comfortable with lying to her and not letting her make up her own mind. I would be very upset with that type of thinking.

 

I'm inclined to agree with Batya. The risk is negligible, but the truth was a casualty of OP's apparent single-minded focus on the ol' sausage stab. Now, I'm not going to sit here and make like I've never told a lie, but the motive in this case appears to be an entirely self-serving one. That does seem like something which would almost certainly raise my hackles higher than my ankles, were I ever to find myself in the girlfriend's CFM shoes.

[pumpkinmoon]

I think that it was wrong to lie about such a big thing obviously but luckily you were clean. I would learn from it and try to be honest in future and put This aside.

[DanielJW]

I don't know where you live but over here i'm pretty sure that lieing to your partner about an std test (about having taken one or the results of) is illegal, and a nifty way to start a lawsuit too.

[Segan]

I don't know where you live but over here i'm pretty sure that lieing to your partner about an std test (about having taken one or the results of) is illegal, and a nifty way to start a lawsuit too.

 

I am a law student where I live, and while there is a cause for a negligence or recklessness claim if a partner were to be infected, the mere act of lying does not create a cause of action.