Can You relate???

[Shattered21]

I feel like I am forcing myself to hold on to him. Like it has been such a part of me, this saddness and holding onto him, and morning over this breakup that now it is a habit. Like I wake up and if he isn't my first thought I feel like my mind automatically makes me think of him. Or like if I am out with friends enjoying myself, my mind is programmed to think of him, liek thining if he was here. When a lot of the times he wouldn't of even been there if we were still together. Like I've been sad and obsessing over this for a few months now and I am programmed to do so.

 

Not really sure how to kick this habit. Am I scared that if I do stop thinking about him then this is fully over? Or like I want to move on but my mind won't let me b/c it is so use to being sad and thinking about him that it doesn't know any other way?

 

i don't get myself, I've been better at pushing the thoughts aside of what he is doing, why he doesn't think of me, and who he is with... But still he pops up which I know is normal, but sometimes I think I force it, like oh hey its been an hour i've been content now let me make myself sad, b/c I have to be sad...

 

Anyone feel like this, or understand at all????

[kickedin]

i can relate 100% its a program that you are so used to.....it hurts no doubt its almost like you are still in it but alone

[StillSmiling]

I was having the same thoughts these past few weeks. Almost like I have become addicted to the crying and the pain.

 

It's not working great, but when I begin to think of him and well up, I scream in my head STOP. We're still processing it all. I'm pretty certain it begins to fade with time.

 

I realte it to my sweet sister who died of cancer in 9 weeks, pretty young and we were very close. At first not a minute went by that I didn't think of her and cry. Then it became and hour than more hours. Later a few days would go by and finally a week. By then I had started to be able to smile instead of cry when I thought about her and how she made me laugh. Long after it became at times a month before she would pop into my head. Now I can think about her and be grateful for the time that we did have, and how special it was and that I was lucky to have had it at all, as some never expereince such a closeness with another.

 

This is how I try to feel about my dumper. Work towards accepting it is over. Have the cries that you need but but have faith in knowing that the time will make it happen less often.

[journogirl]

i totally relate

 

to stop thinking about them and to make yourself do this you have to accept that the relationship is completely over and that is so so hard-letting go is the hardest part

 

i still havnt completely but i am forcing myself to

its so so hard

i feel for you

xxx

[ChaosTheory]

I can totally relate.

 

It's as if once you completely let go, it feels like you have nothing left at all, not even hope. And then you finally have to move on with your life which is not always easy.

[Shattered21]

I'm so glad i'm not alone! I honestly feel like a crazy person, I am slowly letting go of all hope. And doing this without the mindset that things happen when you let go or when you least expect it haha.

 

But it really drives me crazy, I guess also b/c I might not have anything new and fun to think about when I first wake up, he was always my first, last, and everything inbetween thought in the day. (while together happy ones now apart sad ones) I'm trying to focus more on not only is this over but even if he did come back it wouldn't be the same and I don't think I could ever forgive him for the pain he caused. That has helped b/c if I can't forgive him then there is no way I would ever let him back in my life.

 

I just wish my brain would stop, distraction only help a little, I think i need something new (not someone just something) to occupy my mind. Something positive, b/c I feel like I really need to reprogram it to understand that No he isn't important anymore and I should not think or calculate him into anything. If i still cry over the pain he caused me fine, but I can control that, I hate the useless thoughts that just pop in my head.

[tabbi75]

I can totally relate.

 

It's as if once you completely let go, it feels like you have nothing left at all, not even hope. And then you finally have to move on with your life which is not always easy.

 

I agree. It's a vey lonely feeling to not even have someone ot think about. But don't you think by doing this, we are lowering our standards....as if, it's okay that he dumped me, but i will hold on to him by only thinking about him!! NO... just think that he doesn't even deserve that. He hurt you and he keeps on doing it. It's okay to be sad and cry and torture yourself for a while, but if it is becoming a chronic obsession you need to snap out of it. I've been there and were so scared that if I did snap out of it, there whould be nothing for me to feel anymore. But believe me it is not that scarey. You will even like yourself more once you did it and will feel very strong and in power....

[tina-rocks]

HI,

 

I feel like this all the time. Although mine has not actually left the house yet. It's still a mourning process. A loss of love when it was everything has to be grieved.

 

Better to let it out then bottle it up inside.

 

I hope you feel better soon and that time helps to heal. That's what I am hoping for anyway.

 

Tina x

[Nearwater]

I feel the same too, it has been 3.5 months. i felt okay when hitting the pillow last night and then cried hard out of nowhere. then at 3am I woke to a bad dream, it started out happy, we were at some big party like in a department store and I was going to take a picture of her and she stopped me near a mirror to fix her hair, i walked on and looked back and she was sitting on a couch on the phone, i went back and she had two cell phones and hung up as soon as I got there, then gave me a quik kiss. She is a cheater even in my dreams. I am starting to get it, but the pain is intense.

[chopperboy]

I'm doing the same thing. I think about her constantly, though I know that it's over. I think that I really miss the love I felt for her. It filled me up, and gave me a reason to live. I felt so alive when I was in love with her. Now I feel empty, and nothing in my life offers to come even close to fulfilling me the way that this love once did. So, my mind dwells on what used to make it happy - love for her. I hope that this feeling will grow more diffuse with time. For now, every hour is a struggle.

[jammer180]

I do the same too... like I'm afraid if I let go and accept it's over, then it's really really over and all the excitment and feelings I had for him will go away and I'll be left empty... even though I'm empty now becuase I already don't have him.. it's hard to explain, but I totally get what you are saying, and you are not a crazy person. It seems everyone goes through all these weird feelings.

[Shattered21]

Jammer I'm glad you are in the same boat as me and thank god I'm not crazy! To the others thanks for responding it was so nice to see i'm not alone. I've been thinking about it and I do think it is not only a habit but also this emptyness that I need to face. My only problem is I try to compare myself to him. Like how is he dealing with this void. THen I just think the person who hurts more in the breakup is usually the one who invested more in it and thought more of it. But that is exactly my problem I can't compare myself to him. I think thats why I haven't fully let go, I still care about what he does and wonder how he's dealing or not dealing with it.

Guess it is time to say he chose this, put this on me, now i need to step up and deal. I think for me I really have to stop caring for him. He hasn't cared about me since the breakup so I need to stop.

This emptiness isnt a loss anymore it should be more a relief. There is so much I don't have to deal with now that he is gone, and I need to focus in on that.

[istillluvu06]

No ur not crazy....Only difference is I am still in contact with him. It kills me more and more. And I know I have to stop. I am empty either way. I can barely function now, but after "talking" to him I just wanna die.

Yesterday ended up texting and calling most of the day. Ended up him and me crying. His phone battery died, I said bye.

Words can't express what I feel.

Just want you all to know your not nuts, crazy........You're hurting bad, really bad.

[StillSmiling]

No ur not crazy....Only difference is I am still in contact with him. It kills me more and more. And I know I have to stop. I am empty either way. I can barely function now, but after "talking" to him I just wanna die.

Yesterday ended up texting and calling most of the day. Ended up him and me crying. His phone battery died, I said bye.

Words can't express what I feel.

Just want you all to know your not nuts, crazy........You're hurting bad, really bad.

 

 

IStill: You are torturing yourself through this. I know how hard it is, but please see how much more difficult you are making this on yourself by staying in contact.

 

I did that for the first 2 weeks after he walked out. It was AWFUL. Than actually saw him twice in the last 2 months. AWFUL afterwards. Than a phone call 19 days ago ... put me back SO FAR I can't tell you.

 

I feel all of your pain, but mine is getting SLIGHTLY better once I committed to NC. YOu can't see him or speak with him while you are still having such pain. You are only hurting yourself.

 

Hugs

[istillluvu06]

My story is kinda different in that we have financial and business things that still are open but hopefully will soon end. I think he still loves me and even admitted he misses me yesterday, but what good are those things if we can't fix what's broke?

This is our 3rd break up in 4 yrs. We were engaged. Its a very very long drawn out story and my mind is so out to lunch that I just can't put it all into words.

This was the last place I wanted to be again. But thank God I found it and all the wonderful people on here.

I have some issues that pushed him away too, but it hurts when it really does take 2 people and the other constantly blames and guilts you.

I'm 42 I didnt want to be doing this I wanted to be with the love of my life, which by the way took me forever to find.

On top of all of this, I am unemployed, My car is toast, and I'm supposed t be moving in 3 weeks and havent packed a thing.

Yes I am a wreck. Thank God for my 17 yr old daughter. But I feel bad that she has to see me going through this......more guilt.

I don't really have any friends or family here so it's very hard.

IDK I'll just keep posting here, babbling whatever I have to do to kinda stay sane. Thanks for listening.