my situation

[Belgian girl]

I have to finance myself, have paid hire of my studentroom as well about during half a year (while I have the right to receive money from parents that covers at least the costs from study, living, and minimum I need for food). Last few months I received money for hire (b/c I explained this rule in the law and that I planned to go to pro deo advocaad''.

My health issues last year were :

- 2/3th a year been sleeping 16-20 hours/24 hours

- too high heart rate during summer (not tested after that period but wasn't able to do sport however, neither wasn't awake a lot); in rest 165 BPM en low effort like 4km/hour at a running machine it was over 215 BPM (during longer period (the weeks I still used my fitness card) and even after being busy longer than half an hour).

- alopecia areata for about two years now (total hairloss due to heavy stress)

- depression

- fear disorder

- swollen gland at my neck

- most symptoms of chronical tiredness syndrome

 

During the months I was only awake about 5 hours a day I spent almost all my money from what I had on banque (b/c not able to work and still had to pay hire and all other things).

 

So the things I usually pay contain:

 

- clothing, shoes, underwear, storaging material, bedsheets etc., towels etc., sportcard and fitness card if I plan to do that, subscription money for study, study material, food and drinks, eventually presents if it's someone's birthday, medication, hospital visits, doctor visits, visits psychiologist, cleaning products, body products,..

 

I have the right at about two or three times higher amount of money. I still find it hard to decide if I should go after it or not. If it didn't frustrate me very much the fact that I have the idea my time gots taken away by getting (unanounced) visits, trips what doesn't say anything to me, answers that aren't corrected or very retarded when I already don't need them anymore,.. then it would bother me less to fill my money for this part myself. But now it feels that also indirectly by those things I get disadvantages almost whole the time.

 

If I go out working I earn about 7,5 - 8 euros/hour. I still don't functionate optimal and my study is quite a high/difficult direction (university and lots of physics (also subjects like languages so have to be good at both).

 

It just feels for me often there is too less support or even an idea about what I have to carry and also that people are giving me disadvantages (by crossing my path when I can't use it).

 

 

Anyone who feels like having the same or other opinions ?

[rocio]

First, may I get some clarification?

 

Are you saying:

 

-your parents were not supporting you financially

-there is a law in belgium stating that parents must support their children in university

-you informed them of this law, and they then began to send you more money

-you would like them to send you more money because you are unable to work

 

...?

 

I'm trying to understand the situation before advising. Thank you.

[Belgian girl]

- indeed.

- not only university, every kind of college until they finished. I even dislike it that it's just after doing lot of research I found this rule, otherwise they won't have let me know (perhaps b/c they didn't know about it but even then it's more their than my problem, I think. I find it bit unfair to anounce not to support helping financing while it's not even 'allowed' and while I'm not in a good condition so less chance I will get to know about such rules).

- indeed but like I said only about 1/2 up to 1/3,5 and didn't receive money about period backwards otherwise I guess I would be about 10 000 EUR more rich.

- not only b/c of that. b/c it frustrates me to have the idea they have much more to spend and can earn much more an hour than I with those low paid jobs. If they would anounce if they plan to visit me, not misunderstand me the much it happens, not blocking me by don't knowing about things almost everyone knows so I have to explain all kind of things, doing things I wouldn't do, having a wrong view about my live and things I'm in, sometimes looking downwards at me while I see no reason and / or it wouldn't if I had more oportunities if I needn't work half up to fulltime. I also dislike it to see having less discipline so for ex. it seems to me if they take me out they have fun at things that doesn't say me anything and the little things that already could make me happy they don't understand and almost take away from me. It hurts like hell and I almost can't stand it anymore.

 

I also feel like it gives me disadvantages towards other people. I have quite a small room, almost never go out, almost never practise sport or doing extra things that sound like fun

[rocio]

I can understand how you feel. I was also upset that my family did not support me financially when I was in school. It's just not fair - bottom line - when your classmates have no job in life but to study for exams - and there you are, spending all your spare time trying to get enough money to eat and pay housing.

 

Here, the government helps out a bit by giving loans, but they expect you to live WAY under the povery line. It's like students don't have rights!

 

Are you able to get employment at school? Perhaps you can work as a teacher's assistant, or at the administration desk, something like that? That way you would have more of a chance to get out of your room and meet new people.

 

Definitely make time for sports, though. Even if you don't feel like going, I can guarantee that you will feel better after, both physically and psychologically.

[Belgian girl]

Not sure if you get it, I have no right at childmoney or studymoney from the state but I do have at (more and paid backwards) from parents.

 

I haven't been able to do sport b/c those health issues/too less strength but in a normal situation I would agree.

[rocio]

Not sure if you get it, I have no right at childmoney or studymoney from the state but I do have at (more and paid backwards) from parents.

 

I haven't been able to do sport b/c those health issues/too less strength but in a normal situation I would agree.

 

No, I think I understand. I just don't think that it's really worth pursuing. You've informed your parents of their obligations. I guess the next step would be to get a lawyer and take your parents to court. But is that really something you want to spend your time and energy for? And do you really want to sabotoge your relationship with your parents over money?

 

You certainly raised some valid concerns regarding them stopping over unexpectedly and failing you understand your needs. Romantic relationships are so much easier because we can break up with a boyfriend. We're kind of stuck with our parents! Don't know what else to say except that I sympathise.

 

I still think you should get out and exercises. It will improve your health issues and give you strength. Do you have a bicycle? Or even just make yourself go out for a walk each evening.

[Belgian girl]

but it frustrates me that they DO spend money if it are expensive (but in my opinion kind of useless things) like five star hotel reservations when I let know very often I didn't want.. phonecalles of 400 EUR within 2 days, vacations for themselves.. they both studied at university and still also doesn't bring useful information to me. It's like they are installad at a state of 'Receiving' and bringing things against me and talking bad about me and being busy with things to block me. Why not ask for the money I have right on.

[Belgian girl]

Not necesairy that I need to take them to court. Pro deo 'advocaten' could even give a free opinion/advice to me and maybe I need to pay if I want to let them write a letter to parents.

Things like walking few hours a day I already do but the months I was only four hours a day awake and full of pain and little strength that even walking to supermarket was almost too much for me then I didn't do extra walking.

[rocio]

If you have a legal right to it, there's no harm in telling them that. But I wouldn't take them to court over it.

[rocio]

Things like walking few hours a day I already do but the months I was only four hours a day awake and full of pain and little strength that even walking to supermarket was almost too much for me then I didn't do extra walking.

 

That sounds awful. My heart goes out to you.

[Belgian girl]

I'ts not only the fact that they pay less than should be by law but also that it seems they are moving my attention to stupid things like asking questions that are useless or answers predictive so it feels for me it only takes me time and making me feel frustrated and limited and out of concentration.

[Belgian girl]

That sounds awful. My heart goes out to you.

 

yes, person I recently met told me she has fully the chronical tiredness syndrome (but we seem to function in life about the same at this moment) and she receives money from state and a help in householding from the state. Probably again different case b/c often people who have done a real job have more right in order of receiving money while being in kind of illness.

 

That was the period I spent all my money at my banque account and while paying everything alone. (About 6000 EUROS ?)

[Belgian girl]

If you have a legal right to it, there's no harm in telling them that. But I wouldn't take them to court over it.

 

Like I just wrote (but maybe after you messaged this).. it isn't one of the first steps to already take them to court to try to manage this.

For me it's a difficult decision, also b/c I pay quite a high value at 'what is the truth/reality/right(in meaning of: O.K.) and b/c it seems to mee I differ in logic and opinion a lot, not taking those steps will keep on bringing a lot of confused feelings.

[rocio]

Have you been seeing a personal counsellor at your school?

[Belgian girl]

I've been to social department where they could inform about rights of money and about childmoney, money from the state,..

I've been to kind of youthcentre to inform myself about things like this as well

Am in therapy by a psychiatrist (in case that's also what you are asking about)

[rocio]

what does the therapist say?

[Belgian girl]

as there is to read in one of my other threads.. I dislike it there and differ very much in opinion so I put almost no value to what there is said and there are almost never answers given. They ASK questions, like it's usual by visiting a psychiatrist, I guess (by having discussed with others who have been).

What they said.. probably if I won't think again of letting me taking in a hospital (psychiatry). Or that I managed doing horeca so why not doing that kind of work even if it's most stressful there is.

[rocio]

I read the other post. I don`t really know what to say so I`ll just say what first comes to mind. I hope it doesn`t upset you.

 

It seems like you are a bit paranoid and like to place blame on other people for your problems. You have been to several psychiatrists, none of which you believe were at all useful. That seems to be because they didn`t ask the right questions, asked all the wrong questions, and didn`t wish to steer the conversations in the same direction you wanted to steer them.

 

This sounds quite similar to you interactions with your parents. They talk about things that you don`t want to talk about, they don`t see things the way you see them.

 

...these are pretty normal things. But what stands out to me is that you conclude that these people are out to ruin your life, or that they have sneaky, hurtful intentions.

 

You also claim that your parents cause you to not be able to leave your room, get out, exercise, meet new people.

 

Perhaps what you need to do is take some personal responsibility for these things.

 

Perhaps the reason you don`t leave your room, is that you are afraid to. And it`s easy to blame your parents.

 

Perhaps your therapy sessions do not help because you don`t want change. The status quo is comfortable for you, just as locking yourself away in your bedroom is comfortable for you.

 

After reading many of your threads on here, it seems to me that you are a bit of a hypochondriac. Why do you think you gravitate toward these medical issues?

 

For me, I like to be sick for the attention it brings me. It`s a problem I`ve always had. For you, perhaps you also like the attention. Or perhaps they give you a convenient excuse not to do the things you`re afraid of. What do you think?

[rocio]

I hope I didn`t upset you!

[Belgian girl]

I was searching about hypochondria at the internet b/c I didn't really know what it is about and I rest a bit at my bed (that's why it took a while until I reply)

[Belgian girl]

It doesn't upset me. Everyone is free to have their own thoughts and logic and to let it know. And I expect no one to post things to hurt b/c forum is meant to help each other and why should someone spend effort and time in replying when it's not meant positive.

 

Hmm.. hypochondria.. do you mean my symptoms aren't heavy to have (had)/carry, all together and that I make it worse than it is ?

 

One of them is called having munchauser by proxi, if you didn't saw it maybe in one of previous threads. Other by some called kind of autistic. Fact is I have to ask clearly my right in general, it has been like that before.

 

Maybe you have the idea in your mind they mean everything well for me and the best but in reality the are working together (perhaps not both and with each other).

 

I know some things didn't sound kind and I want to add it's just what is on my mind and how it feels towards me, not to put guilt and bad talking. But I wanted to express and I meant especially the things that are frustrating so even b/c of that the bad things took overhand in the texts. Hope others will keep that in mind. But it are those thinks I would like to get spoken, so if I mentioned nice things as well this time it would perhaps sound neutral.

 

I also put high value on individialsm and not to get limited in personal development.

[Belgian girl]

agree I have a panic disorder and fears b/c of that but I remark these come up especially when I'm focused on it or when I feel very stressed and it's someone else who usually brings me into psychiatrie which makes me focus of course as well

when I'm not busy with it I usually don't even think about it and function well

[Belgian girl]

it also happens more than every now and then that I got called 'stupid' or 'that I'm wrong' or 'don't understand' or 'sharing my problems' or 'never will hear anything again' or that i'm crazy etc.

[rocio]

I don`t know about the hypochondria. I`m no expert in these things. Just my guess based on your previous threads.

 

I guess my only advice to you would be to try and simplify your life and focus on the things that ground you.

 

If you are having a hard time financially, perhaps cut back on your spending. No more Louis Vuitton handbags. Going after your parents for money seems like it would just upset you and suck away your energy.

 

That`s just my opinion. I wish you all the best.

[rocio]

it also happens more than every now and then that I got called 'stupid' or 'that I'm wrong' or 'don't understand' or 'sharing my problems' or 'never will hear anything again' or that i'm crazy etc.

 

who tells you these things?