Is everything hopeless when you're ugly?

[Blue Streak]

To the OP, the way others perceive you is a reflection of the way you perceive youself. Looks are a small part of the perception. Attitude is a much larger part of the perception. The good girls are not worried about looks. They are worried about attitude, sense of humor, etc. All things you have complete control of.

[CrazyKing]

That's just the plain cynism in nowadays society - I often post politically-related articles on a few websites and receive various comments like: "Get laid you ******" or "You're such an ****** you ******* *****" etc...

 

People are just not satisfied with their own lives, so they try to concentrate their hate on someone else...

[Caterina]

If you're a Christian, you can look at parts of the Bible that say that men look on appearance, but God looks on the heart. It also says beauty is vain. There are higher things than success at the games of the constructs of humankind.

[greensleeves]

Knight....never, ever give up. You're only 33! Love and companionship can come at the most unexpected times. Try not to be negative and have some optimism. My opinion is that no one is ugly in this world and that there is something beautiful in everyone. You're not totally screwed...please don't live the rest of your life feeling that way about yourself. Get busy learning new things and seeing new places and your confidence will start to come back. Good luck....it makes me so sad to see you and the OP giving up on yourselves when you're both so young.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I just can't believe that it can be all that bad. Attitude is 90%. I am not considered very good looking at all and I have been able to find worthwhile men to love and who love me back. Have you considered going to therapy? I'm saying you're crazy or anything...but maybe a therapist can help you find real solutions or take actions that will help you.

[greensleeves]

I just can't believe that it can be all that bad. Attitude is 90%. I am not considered very good looking at all and I have been able to find worthwhile men to love and who love me back. Have you considered going to therapy? I'm saying you're crazy or anything...but maybe a therapist can help you find real solutions or take actions that will help you.

 

I agree with this...there's no need to go through life thinking that the way you look should hold you back from anything.

[Karibo]

I've found that very beautiful people attract alot of jerks because a lot of people are only interested sexually.

[MD Geist]

Truthfully I can't stand yahoo anwsers because its nothing but a bunch of ignorant teenagers that don't know what the hell they are talking about. I have found very little useage from it.

 

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[starlight40]

One persons ugly is another persons beautiful

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Truthfully I can't stand yahoo anwsers because its nothing but a bunch of ignorant teenagers that don't know what the hell they are talking about. I have found very little useage from it.

 

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I have to agree with this 100%. Please don't pay any attention to Yahoo Answers!!!! FOR ANYTHING!!!

[MD Geist]

That makes three of us

[civilservant]

The simple answer is that everyone has at least one quality that is attractive too there people. I take myself, I'm a good couple of stone overweight, have greying and receeding hair at 23.

 

But ive had 3 serious r.ships, and have been engaged. You use what you have, and I use my personality. Its worth so much more than looks, and if you engage, entertain and make people think youll go far. There are things about you that you cannot see that other people will, and those things will bring you the love you crave.

 

I can't stress enough that life isn't about the destination, its about the journey, try to have fun, be comfortable in your own son, and youll go far.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

The Self-Aware Ugly (me) are basically screwed...we are in a catch-22 because we know we are ugly and so it is hard for us to gain any self-confidence and so we get stuck in a cyclic rut.

 

I really would recommend therapy unless you're ok with how things are now. If you wish they would change, then take some different actions. It's not natural for someone to be talking about themselves like that.

[solacean]

Looks are not as important to females as they are to males. You are using your own judgement and feelings on looks (as a male) to expect how a woman would feel. Sure it matters to women and it can be a roadblock to initiating contact with them. But for a woman, personality can trump it all.

 

I have to disagree with the assertion that for women, "personality can trump it all." Yes, women judge on more than just looks. But according to the results of clinical research on how women select mates that I saw reported on CNN, women only apply those other criteria (like personality, for example) to the subset of guys who remain after they've already ruled out all guys who fall beneath the threshold of physical appearance that the woman feels she can get. So while personality matters, it only matters if the guy has already passed the initial physical appearance minimum requirement, which is (according to this research) non-negotiable.

[StrawberryYogurt]

All you self-proclaimed ugly mofo's should send me a pic. I'm a good judge of whether someone is ugly.

[Daegas]

I have to disagree with the assertion that for women, "personality can trump it all." Yes, women judge on more than just looks. But according to the results of clinical research on how women select mates that I saw reported on CNN, women only apply those other criteria (like personality, for example) to the subset of guys who remain after they've already ruled out all guys who fall beneath the threshold of physical appearance that the woman feels she can get. So while personality matters, it only matters if the guy has already passed the initial physical appearance minimum requirement, which is (according to this research) non-negotiable.

Got a link to it?

 

Actually I don't really care. A charismatic personality that connects with a girl can overcome ugliness. You would have to do the right stuff in the little time that you get with her, but it is quite possible nevertheless.

[madmarten]

I have to disagree with the assertion that for women, "personality can trump it all." Yes, women judge on more than just looks. But according to the results of clinical research on how women select mates that I saw reported on CNN, women only apply those other criteria (like personality, for example) to the subset of guys who remain after they've already ruled out all guys who fall beneath the threshold of physical appearance that the woman feels she can get. So while personality matters, it only matters if the guy has already passed the initial physical appearance minimum requirement, which is (according to this research) non-negotiable.

 

I pretty much 100% agree with this. If you don't meet a womans minimum physical standard, nothing else matters. Sad but true.. (haha just named two Metallica songs)

[solacean]

Got a link to it?

 

Actually I don't really care. A charismatic personality that connects with a girl can overcome ugliness. You would have to do the right stuff in the little time that you get with her, but it is quite possible nevertheless.

 

Sorry, no link, although I now wish I'd saved a link or even the story text. I read this at least a year ago, and at the time I just thought to myself "yeah, that explains a lot" and moved on to the next story.

 

You can believe what you like about people, of course. Also, I'm well aware that even if a clinical trial indicates this is typical behavior, that there will always be exceptions to the norm (if one is lucky enough to find them). I just don't like it when I see some permutation of the old lie that "women don't care about looks" retold.

 

EDIT: To some of the other respondents who are expressing dismay at this, I want to draw your attention to one thing that I quoted from that story: according to the research, women's "minimum physical attractiveness" thing is NOT at the level of "guys must be good looking". Rather, they said it's the level of attractiveness that each individual woman feels she is ENTITLED to based upon her own appearance, circumstances, etc. That probably means there are many women who don't rule out guys who are at least average-looking because they don't feel they are so special themselves that they have a right to be dating a male model. In that respect women would probably be considered superior to men, since most men seem to think they should be dating supermodels (haha). Even an ugly guy like me still has it in my head that I ought to have been able to date a woman whom I at least felt was SOMEWHAT physically attractive to me, which I now suspect was unrealistic.

[Daegas]

Ow they care about looks alright, but I would say that unless you are physically repulsive it doesn't really matter if you can make them feel attraction based on other aspects of your clothing, personality, body language, voice, and so on. If you are very handsome they will want to have sex with you based on their feeling of lust alone. If you are good-looking they are easy persuaded into going on a date with you. If you look like a an ugly nerd it's going to be far more difficult; you have to make up for it in some other way to make her enter the "love is blind" stage.

[MD Geist]

I will honestly say not everybody was meant to have a relationship.

 

Me I have been single my whole life and every effort I have tired has resulted in failure and bad experiences for the first in life I have had a semi good experience with very little success with the oppsite sex just recently.

 

Now iam not saying that some people will never get there shot but I do believe its going to be tough for some and easy for others. Just focus on your high points in life.

 

I feel like I got my life together and is pending in the dirrection in the way I want it to go its only a matter of time before life is just that much great but in the mean time life is just fine for me now dispite the chaos going on now at the moment.

 

However iam 22 and nothing is working and that just means things aren't going to change for the future so its safe to say i will never be in a relationship most girls will already think theres something wrong with me so I might as well quit while iam a head.

[galaxy71]

It's just the way it is...I understand that and I'm fine with that. I doubt therapy of any sort is a solution for my or anyones problems - sorry, I just don't believe in it, nor in drugs, etc.

 

Basically life sometimes gives you * * * * to deal with and I just have to deal with it. I'm probably going to grow into a more miserable, angry loser over time but if that's the cross I have to bear in life so be it. Like I said, I probably improving everyone else's lives by not being with them.

 

I also recommend therapy. It's obvious that you are not happy with your situation with women. Having such low self-esteem is extremely unhealthy. I don't think that all the advice in the world is going to help if you have such a low opinion for yourself. I remember some thread that you started long ago. Some of the people who replied to your thread gave you great advice. I don't know why you didn't put into practice to see if the advice worked or not. I really think that therapy is something that you should consider as you don't seem open to putting any of the advice offered to you in practice.