Rosie007 Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Annual Birthday Meltdown Time Howdy, It's that ime of year again, when I feel so exposed and vulnerable and forsaken: My Birthday! I don't have a problem getting older. What's the alternative? I'm taking a four-day weekend for my birthday. Had to leave work a little early today because another meltdown had started. Started feeling really sorry for myself because my coworkers hadn't organized a little something for my b-day. I'm so tired of being so sensitive. It's like I'm plum crazy sometimes. As I come from a rather abusive background, I'm going to guess that something horrible -- or probably many something horribles -- happened in conjunction with my birthday. Have no idea what, only know that I get periords of being an emotional basketcase for the week or so leading up to my birthday. In truth, it doesn't make sense for me to feel this way. I'm hosting a party for myself, and 20 of my dearest, bestest friends will be there. People I care so much about, and I know care so much about me. I know I'm very blessed to have such friends. Even the guy I've been seeing for the past two years -- the one who's never met any of my friends he didn't know -- even he will be in attendance. And that's despite the fact that I flipped my lid last Saturday -- albeit because I felt very hurt by some of his actions. He's putting any bad feelings aside to be there for me on my birthday ... doesn't want to ruin it for me. And then he may break-up with me next week. Don't know if I learned too much too little too late, but I became aware of a pattern of the past three, possibly four, break-ups we've had since last October. At least three of them were times when we were getting closer than ever. All three times, I got my feelings hurt, blew up, told him I didn't want to see him again, and then was surprised that he was hostile and aggressive to me. The whole time I thought he was freaking out because we were getting too close, but now I have to consider the idea that it might have been me all along. I recognize that he may have behaved really badly to get me to the breaking point prior to these break-ups, but that's not what happened Saturday, when I told him over the phone to never contact me again: "Don't IM me. Don't e-mail me. Don't call me." This is the third time I've uttered words to that effect. Most likely I'll write more about this later, but I've got a headache now, undoubtedly from crying, and I want to take a little nap before I have to meet some friends for dinner. -Rosie Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.