Pressured to perform oral sex.

[ttran]

Has any woman been pressured to perform oral sex on someone? Heres the story my ex girlfriend cheated on my saying she was forced to give a guy a blow job. she admitted being wrong by being there in the first place. and that was considered cheating. but here goes. this guy calls her to meet him somewhere just to talk. she goes and there standing outside the vehicle and it starts raining. so he ask her to get in his truck. she says he begins touching her breast and vagina. she asks him to stopped numerous times, but doesnt try to leave the vehicle because she feels scared. so he pulls her close to him. and in her words in order to get him to stop touching her she begins touching his penis. he then tells her to suck it. so regreatfully she does. and he lets her leave.after he came in her mouth. she doesnt talk to him anymore. so i leave her and she will not leave me alone saying how much she needs me and loves me. and she was forced to perfrom oral sex on him. she called the police and they said unless she was physically held down it was not a crime. any inputs on this.

[ghost69]

shananigans. why is she going to meet strange guys on rainy nights anyways? who is the guy? some 'friend'?

[ttran]

yea a friend of both of us. (was)

[bijoux27]

That sure was a crime...she was molested. Did she speak with a rape crisis centre? They might be able to help her out better than she can on her own. I disagree if the police say that unless you're physically held down it's not a crime, that's simple untrue, and I don't know if she misunderstood what the police said or she is not telling you the truth about this incident? Go with her to the police station.

 

Did you leave her because of what she was forced to do or because she agreed to meet him?

[thejigsup]

I had this happen to me. However, I knew the guy. He was a good friend of my bf of the time. I was getting a ride to my bf's place from him and I was forced to do that to him. I told my bf and let's just say he and his friends took care of this for me. They were no longer friends after that. Years later, a young woman came to work at my place of employment. She was getting rides to work with this same man, who was a friend of her parents. I told her to be careful and she kind of laughed it off. One day, she came to work in tears and guess what? Yep. He had done it to her. I called her parents and we had the guy thrown in jail. Yeah, it happens.

[bijoux27]

I'd have bit down on the jerk as hard as I could.

[metrogirl]

She was scared of what, getting wet? I would have been out of there in a nano-second. However, I have to ask the same thing as Ghost.......what is she doing meeting him anyway? Sounds fishy to me.

[ttran]

sorry to ask jigsup, but how were you forced to do that.

[stella777]

why dont you ask her about details? like how he actually forced her. did he say threatening stuff or why exactly she didnt get out? offcourse someone can be pressured to anything but you should know the details. if she was really forced I think it is not nice of you to leave her and you should help her in this situation.

[bronte]

This happened to one of my friends when she was in high school--she accepted a ride home with a guy and he stopped the car and made her perform oral sex on him. It was very traumatic and she still, ten years later, has some issues related to it...So, yes, it can definitely happen, all it takes is the guy being physically stronger and pushing your head downwards until you do it.

 

I don't know what to say about her being there in the first place, but l think you need to talk with her more and try to be supportive--if she was in fact sexually assaulted, the LAST thing she needs right now is for you to make her feel guilty and alone.

[ttran]

we discussed everything. i just didnt want the story to be so long. she admitted she had a crush on him, thats why she went there, and that also they had been talking and kissing. but she never wanted to do anything like this. so i did leave her because she was cheating.

[Day_Walker]

the story itself sounds strange, it is possible that it is true. You have a very strict view of cheating if just hanging out with another guy is considered cheating. If you actually believe that she was coerced into performing oral sex, then I would not consider that cheating.

[ghost69]

nicely done. exactly what i would have done.

[ghost69]

the story itself sounds strange, it is possible that it is true. You have a very strict view of cheating if just hanging out with another guy is considered cheating. If you actually believe that she was coerced into performing oral sex, then I would not consider that cheating.

 

she could have done more to get away or stop it.

[Day_Walker]

That is true. but people response differently when confronted with fear, some freeze while others are willing to do what it takes to extricate themselves from the situation. While we may idolize people who have the courage to do what it takes to immediately get themselves out of the situation, it is not reasonable to expect everyone to act in such a manner.

[ghost69]

well in that regard, i couldn't be with someone who was so weak minded.

[ttran]

i agree ghost. to weak minded.

let me ask you all this.

what if it happened twice

[Love_Music]

It could have happened... If I were you though, I would get ALL of the details like why was she there with him, what was the purpose of meeting. That kinda stuff. But it is very possible that what she is saying IS true. It's happened to me, so I there is a possibility.

[ghost69]

no doubt there is a possibility. but if every guy that pressured you for something you just caved, i could not be with you. forcefully is different. this guy got what he wanted with words.

[Lucy__lou]

but people response differently when confronted with fear, some freeze while others are willing to do what it takes to extricate themselves from the situation.

 

very good point. I've seen my idea of what I think I would do in a similar situation go out the window when I was really scared. When I was 17, some big security dudes caught me and my friends trying to break into a concert, and we were up on the roof and it was dangerous to try to backtrack. They said they'd let us in if we gave one of them a hand job. I was actually willing to do it, just to get in safely and not risk climbing down the building. Luckily my friend had more sense than me and insisted we didn't accept their offer. We got down safely, but it was frightening.

 

I think you should definitely not blame this girl for what happened. It won't help. She sounds like she might just need to learn how to assert herself better, but she may have been scared simply because she was in an isolated place with a guy who is physically stronger than her. Ask her what she was scared of and what she thought would happen if she tried to get out. It's fair that you should be hurt that she went and made out with a guy because she had a crush on him. That bit was consentual by the sound of it, and it was just the blow job that she did without wanting to. But without asserting her wishes not to do it, it's a pretty flimsy case for assault. Girls have got to learn to say no. She has got to learn this stuff, and I'd hope this lesson will teach her something, but if she gave him no indication that she didn't want to do that stuff, what can she expect the police to do? All you can do is support her, because if she doesn't know how to stand up for herself, it's not her fault. She needs to learn, but when girls are weak and easily controlled it's not because they have gone and said " hey I think I'll be timid and easily controlled," it's because they haven't developed that strength, haven't been told that they have the right (and responsibilty) to stand up for themselves and assert what they do and don't want.

 

You're in a tough situation, because it sounds like you were cheated on, but then your girlfriend got taken advantage of, maybe assaulted (it's hard to tell if the fear thing was serious, or if it was simply fear of getting caught in the rain), and regardless if it was her own stupid fault or not, she's no doubt traumatised by this, so you have to figure out if you can be there for her, or if you are too upset with her, in which case she'll need to find other people to support her with this. Regardless, I think she needs to talk to someone, maybe a counsellor.

[stella777]

That is true. but people response differently when confronted with fear, some freeze while others are willing to do what it takes to extricate themselves from the situation. While we may idolize people who have the courage to do what it takes to immediately get themselves out of the situation, it is not reasonable to expect everyone to act in such a manner.

 

yes, exactly! with my current boyfriend I had sex on the first date which I really didnt want to, he didnt force me, but still tried to go to other phases and I didnt say NO! that was because he was my second and I didn't have much experience, didnt know how to respond and say no! So we are in a relationship now and I am not regretful, but if it ever happens again with another guy I know how to act. So, I dont consider myself as weak but sometimes you dont know how to act because it is not something you are familiar with esp in fear.