IllSurvive Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Hi I only discovered this forum a couple of days ago while looking for some perspective on my long term relationship situation. After reading a lot of threads I feel you are a good group of people who genuinely want to help. So thanks in advance for reading and replying. Long story short I have caught my girlfriend of over 4 years (living together for about 3 she 27 me 31) lying about what I guess you would call emotionally cheating on me (she swears nothing physical happened). I noticed a change in her behaviour recently and started to get suspicious about a co worker of hers messaging her and calling her at what I considered inappropriate times and frequency. It shames me to admit that I couldn’t resist the temptation and I looked through her phones. I discovered some saved messages on her work phone sent from her personal phone. Previous to this I asked her what was wrong and told her that I was uncomfortable with the situation and she looked me in the eye and said there was nothing going on. Anyway I guessed that she gave him her work phone so she could msg him freely (she confirmed this when I confronted her with it). The saved messages went as follows (one sided conversation and why did he save them I have no idea) 1. hey thanks for 2night guess we’ll hav to do the other thing you wanted some other time. 2. hahaha nice… well its been almost 4 months 4 me … but I was being serious … if u were. 3. the only thing holding ME back is … but the whole ‘what he don’t know wont hurt him’ springs to mind…but that all comes down 2 how well YOU can hide it. 4. that’s what I thought. 5. oh well 6. haha and seems its only gonna be that. 7. lol u couldn’t handle me! Wink. 8. babe the only thing holding me back is … 9. that I’m not good at. 10. still a pleasurable thought tho… 11. u never know ur luck She says it started out as a joke that went to far, she was feeling weak, alcohol was involved, that it never went any further, and that she doesn't want to lose what we have. Another worrying thing is that this isn’t the first time I have caught her out in a lie, the other couple of times I forgave her and tried to put it behind me but I have to admit I have questioned my trust in her, not a good thing in a relationship I know. I guess it’s pretty obvious there is a pattern developing here and I have to wonder what it will be next time. We are at the point in our relationship where marriage is the next step and we have even been to look at some rings. What I’m asking myself now is can I believe her that nothing physical happened? Can I trust that she is really telling me everything? Do I still love her enough to try and fix this with counselling etc? Can I forgive her, again? This feeling is so horrible I’m being forced to question everything now. Other thoughts I’m having are… I’m just her security blanket while she tries to ‘find herself’ -- I’m the adult and she is the child seeing what she can get away with -- maybe she has a serious psychological issue that’s causing this behaviour – the fact that this even happened and she couldn’t tell me indicates a serious crack in our foundation… There’s more detail and nuance to it than the above but well I should probably get back to work… What do you think? Link to comment
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