Is he too shy or just not interested?

[Karibo]

There's this guy a college who i have known for a few months and we have flirted for months. i told him i liked him too soon after i just met him because we were both flirting hysterically to each other, but at the time it scared him off when i explained how much i liked him. at the time he said he saw me as just a friend but that whenever he fancies a girl he tries to hide it anyway. well, gradually over a couple of months we became closer as friends, but I always knew that he liked me more than a friend and when he came back from a three week holiday we really hit it off and chatted lots. We always seem to have that chemistry - you know, his face lights up when he sees me, he treats me differently to other girls, we hold long gazes, he's always asking if i fancy anyone and he is always helpful to me by lending money and offering lifts. I kissed him on the cheek when we were alone and he seemed to really like it and he invited me on a trip to London with him and the next day we went to the cinema with another of our friends. But then for some reason, as if we had got too close for him, he backed off again and he wanted to do things with me as long as there was atleast one other person with us. He is only 18 and i'm 20 and he has had no experience with girlfriends at all and he knows that i have split up from a 3 year relationship. I get the feeling that when we get too close he pulls away, but when i give him too much space, he starts acting like the joker to get my attention, or flirts with others and not me to make me jealous. He is not verbally expressing how he feels.

[Beec]

Simple answer, as to how I see it, when you are aloof and independent he wants you. When you being to gush, chase him or get all clingy, he gets scared. Be aloof and independent and stay that way as you draw in him, because you are drawing him in. The trick is how are you going to change the status from flirting to with him to got him.

 

Well, one way is to let he think he has to move or he cannot have you. we want what we cannot have. Another is to somehow get him a message that he is going to lose out unless he busts a move. A third is to just make the move yourself. The final is put him in position to make it without risk, such as making your hands meet, repeatedly, until you are holding hands.

[MarkUK]

He is only 18 and i'm 20 and he has had no experience with girlfriends at all and he knows that i have split up from a 3 year relationship. I get the feeling that when we get too close he pulls away, but when i give him too much space, he starts acting like the joker to get my attention, or flirts with others and not me to make me jealous. He is not verbally expressing how he feels.

 

Hi, I don't mean to be rude to anyone however that paragraph above reminds me of when I was that age. I had self-esteem problem, in that I was under the impression that no woman would be interested in me, especially someone who was older and more experienced in the dating game.

 

The flirting, the cracking jokes were always a front - although the flirting was me trying to prove to myself that a woman might be interested in me. Sometimes, I would gain a favourable responsible from one or two of them but I daren't ask them out for fear of rejection. If only I could go back ten or so years.

 

Maybe one idea would be to have a chat about how when you age, you start looking back at your missed opportunities - I sound like an old man now! Tell him, that one day he might regret missing out on his dream woman while being tactile with him, drop a few hints that that woman is you. It should give him something to think about and the next time you see him, he might surprise you. I'm sure he is interested but maybe can't believe that you are, - if you want to adopt a risk taking strategy, spell it out to him.

 

Good luck.

[longrun]

I do believe guys who r younger than our age r kinda afraid of dating expirenced charming gals like u as the thing u described above..as far as i'm concerned u could the one taking the first step to bring him into it and let him realise u'r really the one with him and there for him, but dont act too tactful cuz it would make him freak out in a way...Just waiting to see how things go is not making any better..

[Caldus]

I am 18, but don't have a self-esteem problem. I am just not a very expressive person towards other people in general. When it comes to talking to girls, I have absolutely no tact at all. As the others have said, he is probably insecure with having you as a girlfriend. I know that I would be the same way if I liked a girl and that girl wanted me. If none of the other suggestions in this thread work, then you might need to look for someone else if you are looking to date someone. Even if you do end up dating him, it probably won't be the most healthy relationship.