Weird confusing situation - just venting

[dnsking]

My ex and I, of 2 years, have now been split up for 4 months (she left me for space). She has a new BF of 4 months and she is will him 24/7, They spent the holidays together and even took pictures together, something we never did although she asked me to. She does talk to me on AIM and sometimes the phone and I know she still has feelings for me and loves me, even today she told me she thinks im her soul mate. She told me she hasn't said to the new bf that she loves him yet because she doesn't feel like that. With us she told me right away, He has told her he loves her she didn't say it back. This is what I don't get shes with him 24/7 and she says that she knows im her soul mate and she loves and is in love with me but I know for a fact she wouldn't come see me or have sex with me while shes with him. I suppose its good to know that's how she is with her bfs. She gives me so many mixed feelings so I told her to stop contacting me as much.

 

With her current relationship I don't think it will last longer than my relationship with her. Although hes the type to be up her A** and wants her to be with him 24/7 which I was not like that. Hes jealous and possessive and control, which I was not, matter of fact I think I gave her too much freedom. All she tells me about him is hes a great guy.

 

Im not waiting for her but it sucks because I know shes my soul mate also. Shes only 19 and making things so difficult for me and herself in the long run. The fact that I thought they would be split up by now and they aren't gets to me. I do get girls but I just miss her so much. She confuses me by asking me how many girls I been with and who im doing what with. I don't tell her the whole truth cause that's my business and I also never IM her or call her unless she does it to me. I know im her safety net and I know a lot about girls but she confuses me so much. This kid is 21 shes 19, im 26 although I look and act a lot younger. The thing that kills me is the fact she knows im the one for her but she does nothing about and relies on fate to bring us back together. I mean it could be that ill find someone better soon but shes the only I saw my future with. I don't know I just wished I knew what shes doing and the outcome. If she split up with her bf today I wouldn't take her back and I would take things with her extra slow. I mean I know at the end she will hurt herself and realize she shouldn't of left me, but who knows if it will be too late. Its so funny how this girl was so much in love with me, still is, still tells me she loves me im her soul mate, wants to have kids with me but shes not with me. She told me she sees herself with this kid not but isn't sure of the future with him.

 

I wish I knew the outcome of all of this, I do want her to learn and realize that she made a mistake but so far she hasn't or has she… thanks for reading this, I guess if anyone has any insight on this feel free to share it. FYI I have been doing my thing an moving on meeting girls going out, my life is great expect for this confusion that she brings me.

[dnsking]

that i did see her for 10 min dec 24th, she sat in my car hugged me and cried alot... i tried to kiss her once in the mouth to see what would happen and she moved away. She would just say she loves me and misses. Its so confusing.

[DiglyD]

It seems to me that you are in fact waiting for her. Why would you not? YOu say she is your soulmate.

 

Don't get me wrong I know how you feel. I lost the girl I looked for all my life recently and I still deep down believe that she will come around becasue I know that she still is in love with me. But she must discover this through experience and through life, and if she does not then I'm better off in the long run because this experience will teach me about myself.

 

However having said that, the one thing I have learned over the years is that #1. you can't make or force someone else fall in love with you or make them come back. The more you try the more you push them away.. They must determine on their own whether you are right for them or not....and #2. There is a difference between what a woman does and what a woman says and what a woman thinks.

 

You are giving her your communication, your time, and your thoughts. You are putting her ahead of yourself and your own life. I know, I have done the same at the expense of my life moving forward. I am still doing that but every day I try to minimize how much I think of her or whatever. I try to minimize her control over me.

 

Try the no contact rule. No more AIM, no more talking nothing. Let her go for a while. Only when you are gone completely from her horizon can she truly evaluate your worth. Right now she thinks she can have her cake and eat it too at your expense. Right now she is getting all the physical, and emotional support from her new man, and guess what she is enjoying it and him. He represents what you could not deliver in her mind at least for the moment. She is enjoying her life. If she wouldn't she would not be with him. At the same time she still knows that you love her, so love to her is just one step away. She probably knows and thinks that she could walk into your life at any moment and you would welcome her back because she is your "soulmate". You would open your arms to her if she confessed her love for you and kissed you and hugged you and cried and told you how much she misses you and what a terrible mistake she has made. She has complete control over you. Put yourself more then a step away from her. Put yourself a very long distance away through your actions and your words. By doing so you will make yourself more desireable, espceially when she thinks that you do not want her. But do not do it for hope of her return, do it because regardless of what happens you need to move on. Just realize that its all in the past. The past is dead. Look now toward the future. Look at what you need to build, and who you need to become. She is water under the bridge, nothing but a history lesson at this point. Nothing that you can do will ever turn time around.

 

Right now you are a wreck, and not strong enough to be her mate at least in her mind right now. Grow stronger. Become the man. She is stringing you along until some new guy whether its this guy or another will finally fill that hole, that love that you used to provide and are still providing. That is why you have this orbit relationship. She is getting all the sex form the guy she is with and the love from you. one day it will end. One day someone else will provide her with what you are doing right now and what she had with you. When that happens she will turn instantly cold and cut off all contact with you. That will hurt you more terribly then anything happening right now. Plus she is still guilty in some way and unsure that she can have the same thing she had with you. But eventually she will Time is against you now if you jsut sit on your butt and cry and say that she is your "soulmate" and keep IMing her telling her this. Next time she says something excuse yourself and tell her that you are busy, and that you have things to do . Tell her she needs t ofigure stull out on her own and you need to put some distance between the 2 of you. Right now you are still clinging to hope. Save yourself the pain and cut her loose. By doing that you increase your chances of her return hundreds of times. I know you are scared of loosing her forever, but when you start truly focusing on yourself and your own growth and you start turning your life around you might not want her back. A new "soulmate" might just replace her. From the moment you start working on yourself the clock starts ticking for her. When you are in control time is in your favor.

 

6 months from now call her and ask her to hang out. Only after you put in some considerable effort into yourself. Show her who you have become. But make sure by then you act like yo uare indifferent to what has happened. Don't call her and tell her you love her. Your growth your devotion to yourself will either bring you guys back together or it will give you the understanding that she was not in fact your soulmate and will give you the opportunity to meet the next one when the time is right. No woman wants to be with a wreck of a man. Your ex wants to be with the guy she originally felli n love with. Not the guy you are right now...confused, weak, baasically a puppy, like playdough. What you are doing now is a recipe for dissaster. Set her free man. Do yourself this favor.

 

The only way she will ever become your woman and your soulmate again, the only chance you got, is to be the man, and that mean cutting her loose, cutting off all communication, and showing her through your actions and your words that she is not worthy of you, that you can have a life without her, and that you are your own person. Right now you project weakness, and project that you cannot live without her. After all you think she is your soulmate, to her you are projecting that you need her. Let her go man. Let her go.

 

Secondly look at her actions. What is she doing? She is with another. It does not matter that she tells you that she loves you. Love is unconditional, love is a special thing that you gove to the one you cherish. It is not something you give out to someone while you are banging somebody else. Never, ever, listen to what a woman says, but instead LOOK AT WHAT SHE DOES. She can be thinking one thing, saying another and doing something completely contradictory to the first 2. Her actions are her words. Look at her behivor, analyze it, and draw your own conclusions regardless of what comes out of her mind. THere is an old saying, "A woman's heart is as ficle as the autumn sky". Look at her actions my friend, not her words.

 

She has been with another guy for 4 months. You need to let her go for at least 4 months, maybe 6-18....let her learn on her own what she has lost. Let her make her own decisions. Right now she has complete control over you and your life. Right now she will keep staying with this guy until she gets over ou and then she will find the guy she falls in love with. It will not be you. The only way is to put osme distance etween you and her.

 

YOu can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You can't make her realize deep in her heart what love is unless she learns on her own, and the only way she wil llearn is without you being in her life in any fashion. This is what I learned since 3 months ago my "soulmate" left, and am finally implementing the no contact rule

[DiglyD]

One more thing...you say that you hope that she relizes her mistake, and that she learns from her mistake. Don't you think that this is a very selfish thing to say. Who is to say that she has made a mistake? This might seem harsh but aparently she is happy with this other other person or she would not be with him regardless of what she says. I know how you feel, I am in the same boat. I am not trying to be a punk by saying all this.

 

However, have you looked at yourself? Have you looked into your soul and into the mirror and asked yourself what you need to learn? Where did you go wrong? Why did she leave you in the first place? What does this other person have or do that you don't. There must be something she needed and did not find in you. Correct those things in you want her back. Work on yourself. Become the man that she wanted you to be. Then and only then will you become desireable enough for her to return.

 

When my ex left the last words out of her mouth were "love isn't enough". This is how chicks think. Love is not enough to them. You must have something more to provide them, like security, assertivness, confidence, strength, and material crap. You also got to be the man, and that means being able to live without them. You got to be like a rock, unbeandable. They want what they can't have. The want someone secure in themselves, and strong that they can respect and look up to. They want a guy who they must conquer and sometimes conquer all over again, not a guy who will pour their heart on the floor so she can step on it.

 

The other thing my ex said to me was "I could never see myself with a guy who did not have an education or a guy who was not financially independent if he didn't" despite how good things were in the love department, and the sex department. What does that mean. I'm going to school and trying to make serious cash, so I can stick that degree in her face, or drive by with my porsche. By then if I loose her, or my love for her, I still win, because I will be beter off, for the next princess. Point is...either way you win.