lilybird11 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 My now ex and I dated for 13 months. It's been absolutely wonderful and I know that he is the love of my life. We'd talk about marriage, our futures together- the whole nine yards. The thing is, we're both in a very rocky point in our lives when we have to really figure out where we are, what we want to, what are goals are- as individuals. In essense, we weren't growing as much individually as we were as a couple. My ex is an actor/writer/musician- and a very successful one at that. But when he's not feeling creative or productive he gets insecure. The only other time we went on a serious break was a little less than six months ago. We were having a lot of little stupid fit fights all the time and finally it came down to "It's not working- it's over." We agreed the problems were that we weren't working as much on ourselves, we had lost our individuality in the relationship and we needed to take the time to work on ourselves. It was hard. I asked if he still loved me and he said "no, not like that." That came as a blow. I asked if he would consider ever getting back together and he said it was too hard to think about it. We stopped communication completely for two weeks before having a conversation. Soon, we were back together, completely in love again, agreeing to give each other space when needed and to really take a step back if we have a stupid fight. Flash forward to now. My boyfriend and I have been apart all summer as he's working at a theatre in another state for the time. The only time we've seen each other is when I flew there for our one year anniversary. The last few weeks, I've been able to sense his insecurity with himself on the phone- he was frustrated with the work he was doing, he wasn't feeling creative, he was surrounded by people just as if not more brilliant than he was, and to top it off he had been denied lead in a performance quintet because he was the better singer and "harmonies are harder". So I've known he's been frustrated. Then, a couple days ago, I get a call. It's starts very bluntly- "This is not a good talk." To sum it up in a nutshell, he tells me that he needs to take time for himself, to be with himself, to work on himself. That he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and he can't factor in other people right now considering he doesn't know where he's going to end up. I asked him to just wait two weeks until he would be home so we could talk about in person but he kept saying no, no, no, I've made up my mind. I asked if he still loved me, though. He said, no, not like that. He said he's been having doubts for the last couple of weeks, that he hasn't wanted to say that he loved me over the phone because he felt awkward, and he couldn't flirt with me anymore. At this point I broke down, saying that, in honesty, I wasn't "in" love with him either. That we were BOTH at a point when we really need to figure out what we're doing and that was the reason we fell out of it. This shocked him- he wasn't expecting me to want a break too. I said that we couldn't give ourselves to someone if we don't know who we're giving. I asked if he would consider falling in love again if settings were right and we were ready and he said that he couldn't plan for anything like that now. Much later that night I called his phone when I knew he would be asleep to leave a voicemail. I wanted to ask him something, I'm not even sure what anymore, but all I said was that I did want to ask him something but though it seems like the most important thing in the world right now, it probably isn't. I told him that all I wanted was for him to be happy and for me to be happy and we need space. I said if he wanted to, to call me back, but if not, we'd talk when we were ready. I said I cared about him very much, and hung up. I wasn't expecting a call back, maybe just a text message saying he wasn't ready. We had agreed not to talk for the next two weeks and meet up when he's back to talk things out. To my surprise, he called back- at 6:40 in the morning his time, when he wouldn't usually be awake. I picked up the phone and he asked "what did you want to ask me?" I told him it wasn't really important, that we could talk about it when we meet. He said ok, and that he was going back to sleep then. So questions- does it say something that he wasn't sleeping well and his first action was to check his voicemail and call me? Do you think this is a repeat of our spring break up or is this much more serious since there was no fight to spark it? And most importantly- what are our, honest, odds of getting back together?? What should I do?? Help! Link to comment
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