cant take this pain

[Unfixable]

I dont really know where to start, im just heartbroken and I need to talk to someone...so here goes

 

 

 

 

 

Me and my ex have been on and off for about 10 years (im 28 hes 31), we have had about 4 breakups in that time, mainly because he wants to be single and enjoy singleton...so he can meet new girls I guess....I wont go on about too much of the last 10 years but will start from about 2 years ago....

 

 

 

 

So we had a breakup 2 years ago, we were apart for about 3 months, i was hurting because I didnt want this breakup, anyway he met someone, got he pregnant and they were going to get married (yeah all in 3 months).....anyway he then decides he wants to be with me and dropped the other girl for me, and coz im so in love with this man i forgive him and take him back, the other girl goes on to have his baby but doesnt let him see his child because of me, but she is now happily married to someone else....but I still forgave him for hurting me...

 

 

 

 

So we give it another go and I fall pregnant (we lost 2 children to miscarriages 5 years previous) and we were over the moon but a little scared, I went to my 12 week scan and everything was fine and we were really happy...anyway 2 weeks later he decides he doesnt want all this and leaves me again, so I heartbreakingly go through the pregnancy on my own! Towards my due date he starts showing his face and stupidly I allow him at the birth, but I thought this would make us....and it did!! We got back together and we both enjoyed our Son, things were really great. I was so happy...

 

 

 

 

Then about 3 months ago he starts going out with his friends every weekend and not bothering to come home til 5 in the morning and so the arguments started. Then 6 weeks ago he stayed out all weekend and I just lost it and told him to go (I didnt mean for him to go) and he did....I asked him to come back but he said that he will always hurt me as he loves his friends too much.....this knocked me for six and have been a complete mess, he has our Son 3 hours a week and obviously things that is enough, he goes out every weekend and has fun while im stuck in crying for him....

 

 

 

 

I went out 2 weeks ago and he saw me out and told me how much he loves me and cant be without me and I thought he wanted us to get back together but all he wanted was to sleep with me, so he used me, knowing how much I love him and would do for him, he used me!!

 

 

 

 

But he still kept coming round to pick our Son up and spend some time with him and everytime he would leave he would give me a kiss, basically keeping me holding on I guess and then today I find out he was in the local pub where we used to drink and all our friends drink with another girl, all over her.....

 

 

 

 

I stupidly phoned him and asked if he had anything to tell me and he said no, and I said are you seeing someone and what I had been told....he said he wasnt seeing anyone and I said so its just a one night stand and his reply was "so what if it was"...I broke down and told him I hated him, then he text me saying it was just a kiss, but whats it to do with me as we are not together and he can do whatever he pleases....I kknow this is true but he keeps telling me he loves me and keeps me hanging on, I wish sooo much I could get over him but I am so in love with him and seing him because of our Son just makes it harder.....please please someone help me, I love him sooo much but he is just hurting me, how do I get over him?????? I know im a doormat and he probably knows that he can get me back whenever he feels like it, im just so depressed and wishing this wasnt happening

 

 

 

 

Thanks soooo much for anyone replying xxx

[sedated]

Sounds like a typical case of a guy who has unresolved Oedipal issues. I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think his behaviour will change any time soon.

 

I'd say he needs to work out why he needs to cheat on women and go as far as to impregnate them before eloping with another woman. However, it takes two to tango and he must want to make the relationship work for this to be feasible.

[lapseinjudgement]

Im so sorry that you are going through this and have been for so long. It does sound like the guy needs to seriously grow up. He has two kids yet he acts like one. I have seen this with an uncle/ ex uncle/ uncle again (things got messy there too) the guy did much of the same thing and just wouldnt grow up. They are remarried now and the guy is better but still plays much of the same games.

Sometimes people truly cant change.

 

It seems he thinks he has you under his control and thereforee has no need to change.

[WindowTo]

I think it is time for this lesson to be learned. We like to allow our emotions to lead us when it comes to relationships, but there definitely comes a point where you have to use your head to protect your emotions because they are leading you to painful paths. He obviously has absolutely no intention on doing anything with any consideration towards you. If he ever were to settle down it would be because he has run out of options, not out of compassion. You may not be able to stop having feelings for him, but you can make the decision to stop waiting for him, making yourself available emotionally to him, or thinking that he is going to change. He has a right to see the child, and there is no reason to make a BAD relationship with him. Rather to keep things as neutral yet respectful as possible. Get this toxic relationship out of your life as much as possible.

[SuzieQQ]

Unfixable, if you allow this to go on and keep letting this man treat you this way you are teaching your son that this is how relationships work. Think of it this way, even if it breaks your heart to let go of this guy, do it for your son so he doesn't grow up and treat women the same way.

 

just my two cents...

[samross]

unfixable

 

change your name to FIXABLE. We all break sooner or later, but we are all FIXABLE. You have a heart that he doesn't deserve. I'm in my cantankerous mood so please excuse me if I'm not too kind to him. A guy like that always gets the girl. He always has what he wants (at least for a day or so) and then goes back to what he knows he can have. PROVE HIM WRONG. TAKE CHARGE and PROVE HIM WRONG. Guys like him need their teeth kicked in (sorry - I'm in a pretty bad mood - my ex took up with a guy like that). After everything you have been through in your life you deserve nothing that man has to offer.

[yellow_sweater]

I know this is true but he keeps telling me he loves me and keeps me hanging on, I wish sooo much I could get over him but I am so in love with him and seing him because of our Son just makes it harder.....please please someone help me, I love him sooo much but he is just hurting me, how do I get over him?????? I know im a doormat and he probably knows that he can get me back whenever he feels like it, im just so depressed and wishing this wasnt happening

 

You have a good self-assessment of the situation. Yes, your behavior is dictionary-definition doormat behavior.

 

Nothing will change unless you change your behavior. I repeat, you will continue to desperately cling to a man who doesn't care about you, and you will continue to be hurt, unless you change your behavior.

 

Based on your story, your boyfriend doesn't love you. That probably hurts you, as you probably believe that he does. I know that I'm not in your relationship and I'm not judging you, but whatever your boyfriend says, HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. When a person loves another person, they do not treat each other in the way he is treating you.

 

Based on your story, you don't love your boyfriend, nor do you love yourself. Needing someone doesn't mean that you love them. Being addicted to someone is not love.

 

You need to be prepared to accept that your story's ending might not have your boyfriend in it. Only when you accept that the right course of action might be to leave this guy who is jerking you around, and to work toward changing your doormat behavior, do you have any chance of ending your pain.

 

I wish you the best of luck. This community is here for you if you need to talk.

YS

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

unfixable,

 

until you respect yourself and have firmly defined boundaries of behaviour that you will/will not accept, your ex will continue to come to you every time he needs sex and other girls are thin on the ground.

 

The very fact that he had unprotected sex with another woman resulting in a baby should have been enough for you to walk away for good.

 

But you wanted your baby to him, so you took him back. He hasnt made one move that would equal respect or commitment, so why cling on to the hope that things will ever be any different?

 

The only way he will ever come back and mean it is if he respects you. He will only respect you if you learn to reject his advances because you like yourself and know your worth better treatment.

 

He's a louse, and in his current frame of mind, nothing good can come of wishing your life away waiting for him to change

[Unfixable]

Thank you for your replies....

 

You are all right and talk soooo much sense and I want to desperately let go but cant find the courage to do so...

 

He has been my only ever boyfriend, when he breaks up with me he finds girlfriends and gets on with his life, I have never been with anyone else, I just cant seem to ever get over him! Im not an ugly person, people do wonder how my ex got me (please dont think im being big headed), and he seems to go with not very nice girls, I know thats not everything but he just bruises my self esteem all the time, why can he not just settle down with me, I would never cheat on him, and would remain loyal to him til the day I die, but its not enough....its hurting so much that he is rubbing it in my face yet denying anything is going on, he says he met her randomly and all he did was kiss her, yet I been told today that he was seen withher last week too.........why cant he just tell me the truth and let me deal with it???? xxxxxxxxxxx