GettingThere Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 I need some strategy help here please. I need to find a way to get him to change his passwords, when he has no clue I know them. Readers Digest Version: INTENSE 9 month relationship from online dating site. I think we both thought we were "the one". But it didn't work out and in total shock, he threw it away about 3 months ago. I remain in shock and hurt and hence have a tendency to do really stupid things when in pain. Yes, even in our 50's, we still hurt the same.... Here's my dilemma: I have key stroke security on all of my computers, home and business. It NEVER dawned on me to ever look at anything when he would use my computers ... until we split. OK, OK, stupid I know, but after he left me in shock of walking out, a man I thought I would marry, I checked his keystrokes. Of coarse it gave me his password to his main account. Which then gave me access to his passwords to the dating sites he has again signed up for. Please, no one beat me up here. I am FULLY AWARE it is wrong. I fight against it. But, in being honest, at my weak and sad moments I have logged into not only his main account and read his mail to his family / friends, but have logged into the dating sites as well. Somehow it gives me sick pleasure that he is still out there "searching" and is obviously lonely, but I need to stop this. I can't "erase" anything, because I have his passwords in my head. So, how do I get him to change his passwords without him ever knowing I knew them in the first place????????? I really want to stop looking. But I can't and I am just being honest here. A sad moment and I do it again. Must get over him and while I have this access it is not doing me any well. Advice please? Link to comment
meepmeep20 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 How about don't check his stuff anymore? Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Well first you know this is wrong... so I'll not get into that. Just send him an email and say change your passwords. Be honest. Or, keep you mouth shut and stay out of his personal accounts. Naughty... naughty. Link to comment
Jelina Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Does he get alot of spam? If he does just say that changing his password would help getting rid of it. Lol it doesn't actually work, but it works for people on myspace accounts. Link to comment
GettingThere Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 OK, yes. I KNOW I need to stop. I KNOW it is wrong. I just can't help myself when I get really down. It's like some people fightingto make that phone call or TXT the EX. I have managed to fight that for the most part ... but not his mail. We are pretty much NC. Spoke a few weeks ago and it really set me back. So I don't want to directly contact him to ask to change passwords. I just want to forget all about him and move forward. And I am killing myself my looking at his stuff. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 You could maybe send him an anonymous email from a fake account. That says "Change your password, I know what it is. It's ****." That would probably spook him into changing it. Or, you could just try really hard to discipline yourself not to log into it. Just get some self-control. Or, you can keep checking it and eventually the urge might fizzle out and you'll stop doing it. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Follow a mini evil with a bigger one in the name of mental health. Go into his accounts and delete them. He will probably think it's just some computer glitch and re-make his accounts (hopefully with different passwords) and then you'll be free! If it's just on-line dating profile then that's not _too_ bad, but if it's his personal email then that would be quite mean. Link to comment
GettingThere Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Follow a mini evil with a bigger one in the name of mental health. Go into his accounts and delete them. He will probably think it's just some computer glitch and re-make his accounts (hopefully with different passwords) and then you'll be free! If it's just on-line dating profile then that's not _too_ bad, but if it's his personal email then that would be quite mean. LOL No, I can't delete his accounts. First, it's his personal and business email account. And secondly, he would probably set them backup with the same passwords. I HATE myself for this. Everytime I start to do it, it screams in my head STOP! Hopefully the desire will fizzle with time ... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Self-discipline and knowing that what you are doing is wrong. You can't approach him on this...it is simply down to you doing what you know is right. Link to comment
Jelina Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 You could maybe send him an anonymous email from a fake account. That says "Change your password, I know what it is. It's ****." That would probably spook him into changing it. Or, you could just try really hard to discipline yourself not to log into it. Just get some self-control. Or, you can keep checking it and eventually the urge might fizzle out and you'll stop doing it. Lol, that sounds so creepy. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Lol, that sounds so creepy. It's totally creepy. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Well you could post his information and we could all check it out... sooner or later he'll get the idea that he needs to change the passwords. Just kidding. Link to comment
Shattered21 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 I had the same problem! I swear for 3 months straight I checked his email, his facebook, myspace, and even worse i knew his effing password to his cell phone on verizoN!!! So i knew every call/text he was making... I know crazy, I hated myself, i never checked anything when we were together but when we broke up i think it was a way to keep him still in my life. Like i wanted to know what he was up to so i didn't miss out on anything, like didn't miss out on things that were new with him or what he was planning... It just kept hurting me, the more you know the worse! luck/badly for me I was talking to his friends and i kinda let it slip how I knew about something, he obvi told my ex and he ended up changing his passwords. (everything but the phone one) Yea my ex read a little to much into it, i easily could of heard through the grapevine or word of mouth, but still he went home that night and changed all his passwords.... So you could go the root But he didn't change his verizon one so i made my friend go on, plug in the password and change it to something we both never would know! That helped out so much. So you could have someone log on go into his account and change it for you... There is always a way you can find your forgotten password so I bet he will be able to log back in eventually I here ya though... it is addicting you become obsessed, it is so bad to do to. B/c it is his privacy and his information, but my Ex was an idiot he told me his password which was no joke 654321haha and never changed it. He should of done that right away, guess he had more trust in me, but then again whats the saying all fair in love and war haha no I am not trying to make it right, but i do completely understand why and how you are still doing this. But you are just hurting yourself, the more you know the worse, and trust me everyone does it and when you are first broken up with and you don't know there passwords I swear you wish you did! We are humans and can't let go - it happens Link to comment
GettingThere Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Thanks Shattered. Yes, I am ashamed of myself. So far he is still "on the hunt" for dating and something evil in me feels better that I know he has not found another. But I know that is coming and it's going to be REALLY painful when I find that out. Must stop. Too afraid to mess with his passwords. IMABadMan: LOL Tempting! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Well first you know this is wrong... so I'll not get into that. Just send him an email and say change your passwords. Be honest. Or, keep you mouth shut and stay out of his personal accounts. Naughty... naughty. I wouldn't admit to going into someones accounts b/c it's against the law. Link to comment
majord23 Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Thanks Shattered. Yes, I am ashamed of myself. So far he is still "on the hunt" for dating and something evil in me feels better that I know he has not found another. But I know that is coming and it's going to be REALLY painful when I find that out. Must stop. Too afraid to mess with his passwords. IMABadMan: LOL Tempting! Simple solution. Log into his email and send a Spam email (with a dodgy link) to a few people in his list of contacts...including yourself. Then reply to the email (from your email address), asking why he sent it/or asking IF he sent it...and suggest that he might want to change his password as his email appears to have been hacked. That's what I'd do.... Link to comment
cpujunkie Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Crazy, I must say this is crazy. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Simple solution. Log into his email and send a Spam email (with a dodgy link) to a few people in his list of contacts...including yourself. Then reply to the email (from your email address), asking why he sent it/or asking IF he sent it...and suggest that he might want to change his password as his email appears to have been hacked. That's what I'd do.... Damn fine piece of advice majord23. Link to comment
GettingThere Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 Simple solution. Log into his email and send a Spam email (with a dodgy link) to a few people in his list of contacts...including yourself. Then reply to the email (from your email address), asking why he sent it/or asking IF he sent it...and suggest that he might want to change his password as his email appears to have been hacked. That's what I'd do.... Funny you would suggest this, because it actually really happened. About 3 weeks after he walked, and we were NC, I was still dying to hear from him. An email popped up from him and it took me almost an hour to get up the nerve to open it. When I did, it was a spam thingy that got sent to everyone on his list. I fired back an email telling him that he just made my heart break again and demanded that he take me off his email list, his buddy lists, and block me on the dating sites. So I am already OFF his mailing list so it couldn't happen again. I was hoping then he would change his passwords after he spoke with AOL about having his address book hatched.. Nope. Dummy. And agree: It IS CRAZY, but it's real for me right now. And agree, I would never admit it to him because I know it's not only really wrong, but it's illegal. But thanks for the suggestions. *sigh* Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Yeah, this behavior has definitely got to stop- not only is an incredibly violating thing that you are doing to him, but it's obviously not going to help your own healing. This is what I would do- it involves telling a white lie, but I think that's preferable than continuing with your current behavior. I would send an email to him, but set up the email so his name is on the bcc line and he can't see who else you sent it to. Write the email as thogh you are writing it to several people. Say something like: "Hi- If you are getting this email then you are someone who has used my home PC in the last 6 months. I have discovered that my computer has a virus, and private information may have been sent to hackers. If you have used my computer to check email, do online banking, log onto message boards, forums, or anywhere that needs a password, I suggest that you immediately change your password information. I am not sure of the amount of information that was taken from my PC, but better safe than sorry." Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Take it as a learning experience and fight the urge. You DO have the power to change your behavior, especially since you know you do it on purpose. I don't mean to be harsh but I don't buy the "I do it when I'm at my lowest" excuse. We've ALL been through some rough times here, so take the high road and just stop checking his stuff. That being said, just send him an email stating: "I found your passwords on my computer so I suggest you change them all." That's it. Link to comment
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