I think I may have been rejected?

[Batya33]

Oh - so if a man asks you out for a first date you think you need to ask him out for the second date? Or is it just if you ask out for the first date, as the woman, then it is the man's turn? Just trying to understand.

 

My suggestion - the next time you ask a man out do it in person or over the phone, not by text which is open to a lot of misinterpretation.

[desert_rose26]

Yeah, texting is misleading. I think he was 50/50. Plus, it only took him a few minutes to reply. He probably gets these kind of texts from girls ALL the time. Crap. If I was desperate, I would text "hey, how's it going?" in the next few weeks. I will probably never be comfortable around him if I do that.

 

If a guy I liked asked me out..I'd like to be the one to ask him out next time just to show him I'm interested too. I don't see this as a rule but just something that can happen naturally with relationships.

 

I'm going to take this as a lesson learned.

[Batya33]

Oh, ok. I usually let the man do more of the asking in the very beginning as they seem to be much more comfortable with it (based on my collective experiences not just my own). To each her own.....

 

If a man asked me out by text I wouldn't take it as seriously as if he put in the effort to call me and ask me out for a proper date.

[desert_rose26]

Hmmmm....so maybe if I called then he would have taken it more seriously then? I think texting a guy out is pretty direct for a girl already though (for me anyways)..but I guess if a guy texted me, I wouldn't take it seriously either.

 

Also, yeah...you're right, I think it's better to let the guy do the asking in the beginning so they enjoy the chase. I guess whatever feels natural to the relationship would be good but always leave them coming back for more.

 

I'll say it again...rejection sucks. I won't be asking any guys out for a looong time.

[Batya33]

I asked out several guys, sometimes was rejected right away, sometimes after a date or two - it's not the best feeling but it wasn't the biggest deal for me either since I felt the same way if a man asked me out but then didn't call for another date.

 

If a woman decides to ask a man out I don't think that different rules apply as in "well if a woman texts that's pretty direct" - just like I don't go for the woman who says to the man "well if you ask me out I'll say yes". If you're going to do it (sounds like you are not but if) then why do it differently.

 

I don't think a man needs to "chase" you. I do think most adult men are more comfortable doing more of the asking in the beginning, including the first date.

[Creative]

I agree, if he forgot, then that means he's not interested in me enough. And if he expects ME to be the Initiator AGAIN, then he's also not interested in me enough.

 

I definitely would NOT contact him again. Sort of arrogant really. But I know a guy his age wouldn't easily forget something like this. Down to two possibilities: 1. too busy/no convenient time or 2. never had the heart

 

that's not that bad. Of course, I'm not trying to not acknowledge the rejection pain you may be feeling.

 

But sometimes, others have it worse.

Here's a story.

A guy took the courage to chat with a pretty girl on the bus while his acquaintance are there. Things seems to be progressing. Then the next thing you know, the two acquaintance talk behind the guy's back and acted differently the next day. He gets the look, and then they feel extremely uncomfortable talking to the guy. At the same time, they want to know the girl, so unwillingly, they asked for her name. The guy of course, couldn't do much about the acquaintance's hatred for him. However, it was progressing well with the girl, but time was limited and he had to try to keep in touch and asked her for contact. Next thing you know, she's not chatting with him much anymore and things just went downhill from there for the guy knew he was rejected. 2 years later, he saw the 2 acquaintance on separate occasions and they laugh at the fact that he got rejected. Not that it really mattered, but it definitely didn't feel good for him.

 

For you, he's just a guy whom you'll never see around. If you think that's a big blow, you should really see how some girls reject the guys.

Then the guys need to get up from the rejection and keep on getting hurt, and at the same time, he have to act like nothing happened.

[desert_rose26]

Yeah, I guess it's not too bad. Thanks for sharing that story. I know I'll never see him again which is a great great great thing. It's his loss...he overlooked me. lol.

[desert_rose26]

UPDATE: he texted yesterday and the message was "so what school do you go to" and then I told him I graduated at this school. I didn't write what year though. AND then now he texted back saying "so then you should be at least 22. I finished school 7 years ago. I might be too old to hang out with you."

 

What is his problem? And what do I text back and should I even text back? btw you guys know my age..so should I tell him my age?

 

should I text "oh I'm 24, I assume you're 30. No big deal, I understand."

 

??

[Batya33]

I suppose you could send him a factual text stating your age and that's it. Me, personally, I wouldn't find that a charming approach.

[desert_rose26]

batya, just to clarify, when you said "..I wouldn't find that a charming approach" what did you mean?

[Batya33]

I wouldn't find that approach consistent with a gentleman who wanted to date a lady.

[desert_rose26]

Yup, I realize that he does not want to date me. Whatever the case, I think it's cowardly of him to use the age excuse after all this time..

 

I'm dying to write back : "i'm 24. if that's too young for you, it's your loss." LOL.

 

Instead I'll write this: "actually I'm 24. but it's ok, I understand."

[Batya33]

I don't think it's cowardly, just socially awkward - very often when someone wishes to decline a first date, they make up a reason so as to save the other person's feelings. He was out of town for quite awhile, right?

[desert_rose26]

yeah he was out of town...and he said he would let me know when he got back...so now it's back...and asking how old i am.

 

btw, I texted asking how old he is and told him my age...and added that if age is a factor for him then I would understand.

[desert_rose26]

He just replied "I thought you were around 20. I'm 30 if you don't mind."

 

I don't mind but what do you guys think?

[Batya33]

If you still want to "hang out" with him, then text back, write "I don't mind. When is a good time for us to talk by phone?" And then have a phone conversation to make plans.

[desert_rose26]

ok...but shouldn't He be the one asking that? All I have to do is tell him that I don't mind...and shouldn't he take care of the rest??

[Batya33]

ok...but shouldn't He be the one asking that? All I have to do is tell him that I don't mind...and shouldn't he take care of the rest??

 

No, because you asked him out on a date and thereforee it's up to you to follow up and make and confirm a plan. I would expect the same if he had asked you out on a date.

[desert_rose26]

Well, I didn't ask..and I just sent the message. thanks for helping me.

[Batya33]

You're welcome. From your first post:

 

"If you guys have followed my recent threads, this is about a guy that I texted and asked him out which he agreed"

 

that's where I got that you "asked him out".

[desert_rose26]

opps...my last post I meant "I didn't ask" as in I didn't ask him when to talk on the phone to plan a date. sorry..anyhow, I just told him that I don't mind his age and that's it. And then he wrote something like "so maybe we could go out ___blah blah blah"

 

He didn't give me a specific day. so I asked what day...and then he gave an explanation about how he hasn't had a break yet and will CALL me to tell me when he knows.

 

The story so far is: I asked him out - he agreed - I waited for response, thought I was rejected - then he initiates contact and is worried about my age - we agreed age no problem - then he initiates a vague time - I asked for specific day - tells me he will call when he knows when his day off is and that he HASN'T had a day off since - I write back and say great, just call me when u know - now ball is in his court again.

 

What is this guy thinking? I'm getting this feeling like he is unenthusiastic about me and doesn''t wanna waste his time. But will meet me just to be NICE. Does that sound about right to you? Who the heck would do that? btw texting is frustrating because I don't know the emotions expressed...and the words on the phone are so flat..

 

Shouldn't he be more enthusiastic about a young girl wanting to meet him? GEEZ. I mean, 24 and 30 ain't that wide of a gap..it's just on the line.

[Batya33]

I think unfortunately he's not ""that" into you and that is why he is not willing to make a specific plan with you.

[zenbabyk]

I think maybe he doesn't want to text you back right away because he doesn't want to look too needy. I would wait a couple days. DON'T text him again. If the text happened to be lost, then things happen for a reason.

 

I know it sucks when you start to fall for someone and almost always you get high hopes. Just be calm about it, and if and when he is ready he will come to you.

[desert_rose26]

I think unfortunately he's not ""that" into you and that is why he is not willing to make a specific plan with you.

 

yeah, but also remember the fact that he didn't really see who I am and we didn't really even talk...I gave off negative energy (something that I've realized I've always done) I'm the one who saw how his personality is like and I'm the one who sat back and evaluated his person. on the other hand, he didn't get a chance to even look at me to be quite honest...I was just a body in the big group of people..hidden. Now, I'm not making excuses to make myself feel better but it is a fact. Another fact is that I might not have stuck out for him because he wasn't really attracted to me...but then again, I wasn't really putting myself out there either...I was avoiding and hiding. All he has is a fuzzy image of me right now...maybe THAT"S why he's hesitant.

 

He remembers me as a kid..only 20 and why would a 30 year old man want to date a kid...it's self explanatory.

 

I just hope he will give me a chance...if he doesn't dig me, then great - it wasn't meant to be..I just want to see.. At least I had a chance u know? At least he did follow up with me so far...I'll give him a benefit of a doubt.

 

I'm not going to ask a guy out again...instead, I'll give them the chance of asking me out. AFter this experience...don't wanna be put in the initiator position again.

[Batya33]

All I meant was that at this time, he is not that into you. Obviously that could change. I've certainly had different interest levels in the same person at different times of my life or upon getting to know the person.