desert_rose26 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 If you guys have followed my recent threads, this is about a guy that I texted and asked him out which he agreed and said that he would let me know when he would have a day off because he was going to be out of town for 7 days. After I replied with a "That's great, have a safe trip" text message to him...now the ball is in his court. It's exactly 7 days (I know he gets back today)...so I'm getting the feeling like he may have forgotten or just changed his mind...or maybe I should give him more time before I assume anything? If so, how long? And are text messages reliable and what if he sent it but I never received it? Then what do I do? I'm trying to forget about it but I can't...if I get rejected, it would suck a lot because it was my first time asking a guy out. How long should I wait before I assume I'm rejected? And if he doesn't text me back, should I send a text or forget him? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 didn't you say that you were physically attracted to him. If he did reject you, who cares? There are bigger and better fish in the sea. Don't let this ruin your stride. Link to comment
TonySlim Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 i would definitely give him a little more time. If i were your situation...i would wait atleast a few more days then txt the person and say something that has nothing to do with the date and wait to see if they bring it up themselves Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Sorry- I think it's safe to assume he's not ithat nterested or not that available - if he wanted to see you he would have made a plan for after he returned, so as not to risk you getting too busy or being too open to meeting others. Or, at least he would have told you the specific day he would call you in order to make plans. Please don't take it personally. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 He just got back if anything let him relax, unpack, unwind! Give it a couple more days=] Just don't be sitting around your phone all day waiting, and waiting. & don't respond the second you get it, lol. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Sorry- I think it's safe to assume he's not ithat nterested or not that available - if he wanted to see you he would have made a plan for after he returned, so as not to risk you getting too busy or being too open to meeting others. Or, at least he would have told you the specific day he would call you in order to make plans. Please don't take it personally. or that. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 ok, fine. who cares if he rejects me...I can take it like a man lol..it will be his lost. he doesn't seem like the aggressive type though. And yeah, he probably hasn't even had time to relax yet. So I'll just stop thinking about it. But it's hard... I mean...if he wasn't interested in me, then he could have ignored the text message because I mentioned that I wasn't even sure if I was texting the correct number. He would be a total jerk for agreeing and not following through though wouldn't you think? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 ok, fine. who cares if he rejects me...I can take it like a man lol..it will be his lost. he doesn't seem like the aggressive type though. And yeah, he probably hasn't even had time to relax yet. So I'll just stop thinking about it. But it's hard... I mean...if he wasn't interested in me, then he could have ignored the text message because I mentioned that I wasn't even sure if I was texting the correct number. He would be a total jerk for agreeing and not following through though wouldn't you think? If he calls, great. If he doesn't, who cares? Keep your head high and move on to the next guy! Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Yeah...but it's hard for me to find guys I'm interested in dating. Not a lot of people are on my wavelength. That's why I got my hopes up. It'll be a very long time before I find anyone I'm interested in. I hope that's understandable and it's true. Link to comment
Creative Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 It's interesting how once you invested your emotion into the person you asked out, the slightest action/inaction can change how you feel. On the other hand, if you ask a male friend out, say, because you're bored, you won't feel rejected at all if he doesn't call a day after his vacation. I'm sure if he knew how you'll be hurt like this, he wouldn't be so careless as to not contact you - interested or not. I mean, as long as you don't often bump into him, it's not as big a problem as it seems. Good luck with finding the right guy. Link to comment
ejwisher Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 I hear ya on the hard to find someone on yer wave length bit , id say give it a day or three , if he was gone 7 days he sure has a bit to catch up on. Yes waiting sucks I have that problem sometimes. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 ok, fine. who cares if he rejects me...I can take it like a man lol..it will be his lost. he doesn't seem like the aggressive type though. And yeah, he probably hasn't even had time to relax yet. So I'll just stop thinking about it. But it's hard... I mean...if he wasn't interested in me, then he could have ignored the text message because I mentioned that I wasn't even sure if I was texting the correct number. He would be a total jerk for agreeing and not following through though wouldn't you think? No - he gave you a noncommital answer to your invitation so not following through would just mean that he hasn't had a day off (or that could have been his "out"). I don't mean to be harsh but what is he supposed to do, call you and check in and say "I haven't had a day off yet and probably won't for awhile, just didn't want to be rude and not call." Sounds kind of unnecessary to me. He probably had some interest in you - which is why I responded with "not THAT into you." I don't think it's the least bit aggressive to respond to a woman's date invitation with "I would love to, I am back in a week, I will call you right after I return/let's do something the Sunday after I return". You were the more "aggressive" one here - he didn't need to initiate anything except maybe time and place or a suggestion. Again I don't mean to be harsh but if you have that mindset, it could affect your view of other men, make you cynical, which would be a shame. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 whoa whoa. he had a 7 day trip and it's the 7th day and you heard nothing? calm down. i'd say after 10 days or something write him off. honestly, you should have no emotional attachment to this guy anyways. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 wait 2 to 3 days. travel sometimes makes it so that texts or calls dont go through. also depends on your phone provider. lol. sometimes when im expecting a text, if i havent recycled the power on my phone for a while i do so. this may help for your phone to re receive messages. Link to comment
allypally Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Don't chase him, let him come your way. He knows you're interested so thats enough for now. You need to know whether his is interested in you too, bearing in mind you asked him out. So you should really let him come your way, otherwise you'll never know whether it is a mutual thing. Hope it goes well! Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 I agree with all of what you guys have said. I am not going to chase him. I've done enough. And I agree, he deserves more time. I'm not sure if I would ever put myself out there like this again. Rejection hurts. I've learned my lesson..I should have tried to be more open when I had the chance instead of what I'm doing now...which is a waste of time. Gosh, this sucks... EDIT: On second thought, I think I DO have a right to think he is a jerk if he doesn't reply. If someone asked me out, I wouldn't AGREE and then leave them hanging. That is irresponsible and immature. I value my time and also value other people's time. So yes - if he agreed to it, the least he could do is follow through. If he didn't want to, he should not have agreed. On the other hand, if he changed his mind, I guess he's a poor decision maker. Link to comment
Creative Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 EDIT: On second thought, I think I DO have a right to think he is a jerk if he doesn't reply. If someone asked me out, I wouldn't AGREE and then leave them hanging. That is irresponsible and immature. I value my time and also value other people's time. So yes - if he agreed to it, the least he could do is follow through. If he didn't want to, he should not have agreed. On the other hand, if he changed his mind, I guess he's a poor decision maker. Some people are just like that. Try not to blame him because I think he really doesn't know you're weighting the interaction that heavily. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I don't think he agreed to go out with you - he gave you a vague/noncommittal answer. I agree that if he said "yes I would like to go out with you" followed by a specific day or "I will call you on ____ day to make firm plans" then that would be rude. All he agreed to do was to let you know when he had a day off - which is almost meaningless since you don't know what he means exactly by "day off". Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 Creative: yes, I am weighting it much to heavily...I wasn't in the beginning...but I got caught up in my thoughts. Batya: he actually texted "are you the girl that was at ___? Sure, I'll let you know when blah blah blah...you can always text me" So yeah, I DO think he agreed...and I don't get it..."you can always text me"???? why would I want to text him? All I did was ask him out.. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 To me it's not a real plan until there's a time and place or at least "ok Saturday night sounds great, I'll call you Friday to confirm time and place", especially when it comes to first dates, but obviously you're entitled to your opinion. I think you may be overanalyzing why he invited you to text him - he might just write that in all his texts/emails. Link to comment
Weeblie Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Geez louise! Why not give him a couple of days to get settled and contact him again? From what I understand...you just met this guy, right? Plus you've hardly ever spoken to him, right? Why would you expect him to have you on the top of his priorities? I'd hardly call this a rejection so much as you were probably forgotten. And I'd hardly think him a jerk for not viewing this as intensely as you did. So...ask him out again! If he's all wishy washy, move on! If he's excited...great! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 If he could forget her asking him out, she has her answer. Yes, vacation tends to be a mind eraser about "back home" but if someone I was "that" into asked me out, I'd either make specific plans for when I got back or make it very clear that I would love to go and I would call on x day as soon as I returned. And I definitely wouldn't forget. Now, if he has only mediocre interest, that could become stronger, but asking him out again is going to decrease, not increase, the interest. The problem here is that since she likes him, she understandably read into his vague "sure see ya sometime when I have the day off" to mean that he accepted her invitation. And she definitely shouldn't take it personally. Link to comment
Creative Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Creative: yes, I am weighting it much to heavily...I wasn't in the beginning...but I got caught up in my thoughts. Batya: he actually texted "are you the girl that was at ___? Sure, I'll let you know when blah blah blah...you can always text me" So yeah, I DO think he agreed...and I don't get it..."you can always text me"???? why would I want to text him? All I did was ask him out.. Yeah, i get caught up in my thoughts at times too, especially when they seem to show no interest and I had slight interest. He's just taking it slow. Some people just don't 'date' in quite the same way. But I mean we're interpreting from a sentence he texted here, so it's hard to tell where he's coming from. I guess he may be expecting you to do the work. Perhaps he believes that once he comes back from vacation, you'll automatically text him and ask him for a date... or something like that. If that's the case, then maybe he's the type of guys girls would flock to, and he's just expecting girls to do all the work. It is you who first initiated, so the dynamic here is that you'll continue to be the initiator since he has no reason to be one. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 That is true but she already asked him out and the ball is in his court, whether or not she chooses to be the initiator. Great point that a woman who asks a man out has to be ready to continue to be the initiator throughout and to be comfortable with the man not stepping up to the plate and asking her out. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 I agree, if he forgot, then that means he's not interested in me enough. And if he expects ME to be the Initiator AGAIN, then he's also not interested in me enough. I don't agree that if a woman asks a man out, that she should prepare herself to continue to be the initiator. When I asked him out, I thought I was giving him an invitation to date me. I think both people should take turns initiating..that's the only way the boat will float. Also Creative pointed out that he just might be one of those guys where girls flock to. Well, I have a gut feeling you're right on that one. The weirdest thing is that when I read his response, my first impression was that he may have received lots of text messages from girls asking him out. The way he wrote it sounds almost routine if you know what I mean. Like "you can always text me"..that's weird...I think he's asking for me to remind him or take the reigns or something...like he doesn't really care. I definitely would NOT contact him again. Sort of arrogant really. But I know a guy his age wouldn't easily forget something like this. Down to two possibilities: 1. too busy/no convenient time or 2. never had the heart Link to comment
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