SATC - helpful?

[brizzle]

This is probably just for the ladies, but who knows!

The current ex I still love with all my heart has been my off and on boyfriend for years. We love eachother very much, I believe, but it's just not the right time to be together right now.

For a long time I've been watching Sex and the City when I'm feeling down. It helps to know that Carrie has suffered heartbreak and gone on bad dates and through out all of it, she ends up with the man her heart was truly for.

But it also makes me realize that a person can love another person and have other relationships, and it doesn't mean that they love their soul mate any less...it just wasn't the right time.

Now, personally, having lived a lot of what she has gone through, and having seen a lot of people go through what she has gone through, I feel like there is a lot of validity in the series...

For me personally, it makes me feel a lot better in letting go and dating others (with a distant hope that the one will make his way back without me in his life). It shows that life does continue with or without that true mate, and you just have to keep going with it. It also helps me to see that staying in contact with that S.O sometimes isn't the best way to do things and that even if they are with someone else, it doesn't mean its the end. I find a lot of solace in watching it, myself.

I was just wondering what others thoughts are on this: Some people say its bad - that it keeps you in a state of depression or false hope. Has it helped you through rough times? Just interested to see if anyone else finds comfort or not in the series that has become much like a best friend/visual bible of sorts.

[morgane]

yes, i love sex and the city. One of my favorite show of all time

[jenny_mcs]

Wow, yes, absolutely. I love this series, and I think it has some really inspiring messages about knowing/loving yourself and the importance of friendship. I definitely turn to this series like a warm blanket when I am feeling down- it’s very comforting.

 

But I just went back and re-read your previous threads about your ex, and it makes me uneasy that you are getting some hope about your situation by comparing it to Carrie’s. I mean, they filmed like 3 or 4 other endings to the series, and the creator/producer has said in interviews that although other endings were more realistic, the ending we got was the one that audiences wanted.

 

Because realistically, the situation you are in does not turn out well. He won’t commit and is dating other women. It sucks, but the reality of the situation is that most of the time this will not have a fairy tale ending. I mean, I screamed as loud as the next gal when in the final ep Carrie was walking down the street and got a call on her cell from “John” …but the stuff I have seen played out in real life are much closer to Charlotte (thinks she’s found the One, he’s a dud, and finds love in an unlikely place), or Miranda (love slowly builds up, over time, and it’s not with the guy you pictured yourself with).

 

So if you are using SATC as a comfort and a guide, do what Carrie did. Completely cut ALL ties. Realize that’s it’s never going to happen. Open yourself to truly being interested in other men. If you’re lonely, turn to your friends. And most importantly, love and accept yourself. Because for me, the biggest message of the whole series was Carrie’s final sentence

 

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

 

Hang in there, it will get better if you take the steps forward and away from this push-pull relationship w/ your "Mr. Big".

[pinkelephant]

i love SATC, but i don't use it for hope. i understand why you would, but really mr big was such a jack*** i wouldn't have gone back to him. i think she should've gone for someone else. =(

[legallady1]

it helps me through the day to know of will be on every night I need to really get the complete set LOL

[legallady1]

i love SATC, but i don't use it for hope. i understand why you would, but really mr big was such a jack*** i wouldn't have gone back to him. i think she should've gone for someone else. =(

 

but everytime she was with someone else she missed him so you can't help who you fall in love with

[browneyedgirl36]

i love SATC, but i don't use it for hope. i understand why you would, but really mr big was such a jack*** i wouldn't have gone back to him. i think she should've gone for someone else. =(

 

Same here. I don't watch the show a ton, BUT, I did see the recent film, and honestly, I was rooting for it to have an entirely different ending. I won't give it away for those who haven't seen it, but I was really, really rooting for Carrie to move on and be OK without "Mr. Big." A few weeks after I saw the film, I saw the episode where Carrie meets Big for lunch, and he announces that he's marrying someone else. Carrie's reaction was SO painful to watch -- so REAL -- ugh. I was in a similar situation to her not long ago, and while my reaction was a lot more subdued than hers (I was at work, and I couldn't really show my feelings so overtly), inside I really WANTED to start yelling at him and then storm out the door!

 

I can totally see why someone might find hope in movies like this one, but I think it's important to be realistic, too, and realize that a relationship that keeps ending and re-starting is generally NOT going to end up working out.

 

The best thing to do, as others have suggested, is to get out there, live your life, and move forward. If he comes back, he comes back, and you can decide then what you'll do. If not, well...you will have moved forward, without him, and you'll have built a great life for yourself.

[pinkelephant]

but everytime she was with someone else she missed him so you can't help who you fall in love with

 

 

i was in love with a guy who treated me like crap.

at one point, he hurted me so much that i just stopped loving him.

i don't understand how someone can love a person who is so ugly, y'know? it takes awhile but i think it should sink in eventually.

 

 

her ending was fairy tale at best. men like that don't change.

 

 

now look at samantha. she is happy alone. i love that.

[pumpkinmoon]

It was kinda the opposite for me. I absolutely LOVE SATC but when my break up happened I couldn't watch it at all I think it was because of the relationships that go on in there really, and I certainly couldn't watch couples on TV for months after because I would just get upset.

 

I did think about it though and thought that if Carrie could get through her break up with Aiden so well then maybe I could do the same. But after all, it is just a TV show and not real life

[Daria_Lane]

Lol if you go according to SATC. We should ALL pray for a man like Aiden NOT Big.

[Batya33]

I love SATC but took it with a grain of salt. I didn't believe that the ending (with her and Big together) was a helpful guide to relationships for many reasons. I simply didn't buy Big's several excuses for not being with her when he had the opportunities. On the other hand, I was inspired by Miranda and Steve, deciding to make a go of it and really surviving through the hard times together.

[pumpkinmoon]

Lol if you go according to SATC. We should ALL pray for a man like Aiden NOT Big.

 

I know lol. I used to think of my ex as my Aiden lol. Carrie was mental for letting him go!!!

[Daria_Lane]

I love SATC but took it with a grain of salt. I didn't believe that the ending (with her and Big together) was a helpful guide to relationships for many reasons. I simply didn't buy Big's several excuses for not being with her when he had the opportunities. On the other hand, I was inspired by Miranda and Steve, deciding to make a go of it and really surviving through the hard times together.

 

 

I agree. which is why the ending of the money annoyed me, ONCE AGAIN he had an excuse for his behavior and like a mindless slave Carrie thought it as being "reasonable"

[brizzle]

" So if you are using SATC as a comfort and a guide, do what Carrie did. Completely cut ALL ties. Realize that’s it’s never going to happen. Open yourself to truly being interested in other men. If you’re lonely, turn to your friends. And most importantly, love and accept yourself. Because for me, the biggest message of the whole series was Carrie’s final sentence

 

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

 

Hang in there, it will get better if you take the steps forward and away from this push-pull relationship w/ your "Mr. Big". "

 

(this was a quote from earlier in the thread...I screwed up the coding)

 

Thank you so much for this. It is the most important part I need to remember. I have read about REAL couples who have done this and end up happier together...realizing that life without eachother is not worth it and learning new things about themselves and relationships while apart...but I think right now I just need to assume nothing will ever come of us again. It's "easy" to be friends...that is until you find out that "he" is moving on with some else, and progressing quickly at that. It's nothing that any woman (or man) should be made to endure just for the sake of a second chance. The pain is not worth it. Because what grows from it is resentment. I'd rather walk away from him with love than resentment or anger, and I'm afraid that some resentment has already evolved in my heart due to his uncertainty and confusion. So this is definitely time to walk away.

 

I'm planning to take this time for myself, and date casually. I'll expect bad dates, and I'll expect good ones that turn bad, and I'll expect good ones, and I'll expect my ex never to call (I've laid down a six month NC rule for him and I, and I told him the only reason he can call is if he is coming back to me). Some may say that it is negative to expect the worst, but if you always expect the worst in these types of situations, you can also plan for the best.

[bfla]

My ex saw SATC movie real soon after we broke up, and started putting that forever mine quote all over her stuff. Man was that ripping me up.

 

Haha...