Boyfriend's obsession is KILLING our relationship!

[gypsywanderer]

My boyfriend is absolutely obsessed with video games, and it's getting to the point where I feel he'd rather be around them than me. I work nights and he works days, so as it is, we virtually have no time to spend together. So, rather than even attempting a conversation with me in the 3 hours I have between waking up and going to work, (he gets home an hour before I wake up), he would rather look up the value of his video game collection on ebay, or look for more games to purchase online, or make lists of all his completed boxed games so he knows still how many thousands of dollars he will need to spend on more games.... the list goes on. But yeah, I could be awake for an hour, and rather than say hello to me, he will sit in front of the tv zoned out playing a game. Not that I want him to spend all his time with me, no. I would just appreciate it if he could hold an adult conversation with me that doesn't involve the words "nes", 'mario', 'console', 'sega', etc... Because pretty much the only stuff he says to me involves some aspect of a video game, whether it's a recent "deal of a purchase" he made, or something he saw at a game store, or something he recently played. I have tried so hard to be a supportive girlfriend. I have lent a listening ear when he goes on and on about video games. I have spent every weekend we have off together going to yardsales with him so he can obsessively hunt for more video games and consoles. I have even offered to play games with him to which he replies, "eh...maybe". Usually, he would rather take on a scantily clad female character and play by himself. When I ask him why he does this, he gets all defensive and says "it's for the better game play". Yeah...right. I myself didn't grow up playing video games and never got into them. In fact, I'd rather live my life outside the console, being an active 20 something who would like to enjoy the adventures that can best be experienced outside my doorstep. So, at any rate, I approached him with my feelings yesterday when he spent 3 hours playing yet again as another sleezy female character in some stupid kungfu style game. When he saw me about to leave, that's when he decided to pause his game so he could "see me off' i guess...maybe he wanted to masterbate to his character after i left. So, when I said something about his obsession, he got all defensive. I don't know what else to do. I merely suggested that we spend more time together than the 2 seconds before i have to walk out the door to work my 12 hour night shift. He actually cried and called me a jerk when I suggested that he take some time away from his games so we can interract. You would think that he was being asked to give up his one true love for a foul peasant girl. Well, that's how I feel anyway. I feel unloved and feel like i'm not worthy of his "collections". He also has a 50,000 card collection he recently acquired. I offered to help him sort them the other day, but when I went to help take some plastic shrinkwrap off a small bunch of them, he YANKED them out of my hands and said...NO NO Let ME do IT....freaking out like i was about to cut his finger off. I just walked away after that. It's not like sorting his stupid cards was something i yearned to do...i just wanted to spend time with him because i actually care about him. well, apparently he doesn't give 2 craps about me as his inanimate junk is more important. i don't know. am i being irrational? what should i do?

[Loki71]

I am so very sorry you are falling into this mess. As a WoW gamer I know all to much about this. Online gamming almost ruined my marriage. The only thing you can do is sit him down and tell him how you feel and tell him if he can't make time for you then it has to be either you or the games but he can't have both. I know easier said then done but it is something that must be done.

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

You're not being irrational whatsoever, I think instead of trying to "talk" to him... put your foot down and be firm. He's taking you for granted and it's only a matter of time before you get to your breaking point. I'm sorry to hear the circumstances your in, but you need to just walk in there, switch the console off and be firm with him. Its not fair on you.

[a_lifters_life]

I know how you feel. I used to be a gamer . Just like texan said - its the GAMES or YOU . Not both.

[Supa_gurl]

Believe me....they don't know what they've got until it is gone. My husband became engrossed in gaming. It affected our family. It wasn't until our marriage started to fall apart that he realized he had to cut back. I hope it doesn't come to this with your BF because it is a long hard road back to reality. Good luck

[Artillero]

He doesn't have to cut completely, he just need to find a balance. As a PC gamer (WoW to be extact) I balance out my priorities. I do my house chores, and spend time with my gf before going on the pc. Sometimes I play few hours (while gf watches tv) but I make up for it on the weekends, we go out for movies, dinner, or partying with friends.

[Loki71]

He doesn't have to cut completely, he just need to find a balance. As a PC gamer (WoW to be extact) I balance out my priorities. I do my house chores, and spend time with my gf before going on the pc. Sometimes I play few hours (while gf watches tv) but I make up for it on the weekends, we go out for movies, dinner, or partying with friends.

 

 

If he is like me it wouldn't last. For me I tried the limits and they lasted for awhile but it didn't take long before I started playing more and more. I know if I log in I am there for at least 2 hours. So now I just don't log in. losing my famaily over a game is just not worth it. But like him I am addicted to gaming and like any other addict you can't control yourself and just do a little, it has to be either non or all.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It's like drinking or anything else... he's become an addict and his world has shrunk to become all about his habit/obsession.

 

You are totally in the right here. I'd tell him you want a boyfriend who is not a games addict, and to have a normal life going out, socializing, etc., and that sitting around watching him play video games and doing activities related to video games has turned into a crashing bore for you.

 

He needs to recognize he has a problem, and start dealing with it, or you need to go find a boyfriend who is not a games addict.

[Artillero]

If he is like me it wouldn't last. For me I tried the limits and they lasted for awhile but it didn't take long before I started playing more and more. I know if I log in I am there for at least 2 hours. So now I just don't log in. losing my famaily over a game is just not worth it. But like him I am addicted to gaming and like any other addict you can't control yourself and just do a little, it has to be either non or all.

 

Don't get me wrong, I was a pc game addict (sometimes I did not sleep at all) but I think because I was depressed (my marriage was going down hill - not because of computer games) but later on I realized, you can still game, and spend sometime with the family and get chores done prior. Its all about self discipline.

[Loki71]

but later on I realized, you can still game, and spend sometime with the family and get chores done prior. Its all about self discipline.

 

 

I agree it can be done. It's just very hard for some. I still play just not every day and I make myself log off after only an hour or two. I will not do any group events if they take more than my limit.

[Seraphim]

I would walk out and when he gets a life and his head together maybe I would talk to him.

[DeviousDevil]

When I entered into my first proper relationship, I pretty much stopped playing computer games, just far more interesting and hell, less time consuming!

 

I guess after 22 years of gaming, I felt ready to give something else a go.

 

Hehe.

[gypsywanderer]

Thanks for the wonderful support and feedback. It is much appreciated. We had another falling out yesterday, then he said he wasn't going to have anything to do with games any more...etc.... Which is going to the extreme. I told him that I don't want that--I know how much he cares about his games and bc I love him, I must also give him that space with his games. I just told him that all I wanted was a nice "how was your day" conversation to acknowledge the fact that we are aware of the other being alive. So we'll see how it goes....

[d24]

I used to be a 6hrs a night gamer, now I make sure I'm with my gf at least 4hrs, and treat myself to a couple hours every other day despite her still trying to drag me away from it. I don't think she comprehends that sometimes I just want to immerse myself and play for a couple of hours.

 

My relationship has got a lot better and I know she's a lot happier. But I'll be honest sometimes I resent how she wont let me have my own time to do what I want anymore - which leads to the whole "me or the game" ultimatum which is getting really lame.

 

I've cut my addiction from around 35-50hrs a week to around 10, and apparently that's still not good enough. some girls use that ultimatum too much and you need to find a happy medium. if she tries to cut it down from 10 i have no doubt that i will resent her for it

[Artillero]

She needs to learn how to compromise. I'm pretty sure she gets her 'alone' time.. so why don't you? I find it very manipulating and selffish the fact that some women practially do not allow their bf to game. 2 hours a day (10 hours a week) is more than acceptable.

 

Sometime we men have to be strong and stand up to what is really fair. In your particular case, I think is more than fair 2 hours a day.