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Saddened and Fustrated


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Shorty Story:


Me and my gf have been toguether for nearly three years. I have been able to achive more in less than two years than I have in nine in my previous marriage. Now I have a home (even though I rent) stability, friends, etc. I am very happy.


However, my gf doesn't seem to be able to hold on to a job. We are in a pretty bad financial situation, I only get pad $220 every week (after child support deduction) and its not really cutting it... even though I have a good job with a good hourly pay.


There has been times we practially go hungry because we don't have enough money (I have to save money for rent, bills, etc) my gf was unemployed for about a year before finding a job, she did, and it helped us GREATLY, but that only lasted a MONTH.


Now we are back to the same %#$@ ever since she quit her job (she didn't like it) I do not see any interest on her part to find a job... and to make things worst she does not do any house chores (I do most of the house chores) and stays on the PC all day long (even after I get home from work - that pisses me off) I have talked to her in the past, but it seems she does not care about our situation.


This is affecting me... to the point I am in a bad mood almost all the time. Sometimes I do not even want to be bothered by her. Sometimes I feel like telling her to leave, but I know she loves me, and it breaks my heart knowing that she will be heart broken.


Im about to talk to her, but I can't find the right moment, or how to approach her without her getting all 'defensive' and/or 'offended.' This will be one final chance, or our relationship will be done. I do not know how would she want a family (baby) being in such bad financial shape. I have gone through this before (many hardships - my daughter had practially nothing, not even a stable home) and I'm not going through this again.

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She sounds a lot like my ex wife. She worked a total of 6 weeks in the 2 years we were together. She was at home all day, and spent the entire day on the computer, didn't do any chores, didn't cook, didn't clean, and wouldn't work. Tried talking to her, tried counciling, but nothing made any differance. I think you need to have a big discussion with her. If she isn't willing to change, my best advice would be to end the relationship, because it won't get any better.

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Wow you have taken some amazing steps to change your life! Congratulations, you should be proud of yourself!!!


Yes it is time for the 'Come to Jesus' talk. She quit because she 'didn't like' her job? Oh lord. Is she a teenager or something living with Mom and Dad or a grown up?


If this person doesn't want to work and just wants to be taken care of, you can't change that.


Remember this -- love is actions. If a person loves you, they act in a certain way to support that love. They want to form a partnership with you, they want to support you and do their part because they don't want to take advantage of you. They don't want to see you stressed out and starving.


What she is doing is not love. I'm not sure what it is, but I do not believe that it is love. So she does not really love you, but she is definitely using you.

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smilingturnip has a great point. I'm not sure it's love but it's kind of harsh to say she is "using" you. To be nice, i'll say she is needy, like a child. In that case, you have to ask yourself, do I want another child, or do I want a woman to share my life with?


Believe me, you definitely need to have a talk with her. You don't EVER EVER want to jepordize what you have earned and worked for for the sake of another human being who will bring you right down. If you topple, how will any of you survive?


Your personal values and what you have become come first. She needs to respect that and she's not. She's disrespecting it.

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