beingbrave Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 A friend of mine has a wedding to plan. There's just one thing getting in the way of her guest list. An old stagnant relationship between her and her sister. She told me not to use her real name on here, so I'll call her "Sue" and I'll call her sister "Pam". Sue is getting married next year. She is inviting all of her friends and family, with the exception of her sister Pam. She is really having a hard time putting her on the guest list. I keep on telling her that this is a once in a life time event, and that she should have ALL of her family there, no matter what! However, she feels that she shouldn't invite Pam because Pam owes her over $5,000. Sue lent Pam a loan about three years ago and Pam still hasn't paid it back. Sue feels betrayed by her sister, because she told her she would pay it back within one year of taking the loan. Instead, Pam disappeared for two years without a phone call, etc. Pam has been back for about a year now. Since then, Sue has kept herself distant from Pam. What should Sue do? What kind of advice can I give her? I personally don't care for Pam, but I think she should be there. They're sisters. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 A wedding day should be a happy day. If Pam's presense is going to cause Sue stress- then I don't think she should invite her. What does the rest of the family think? Link to comment
just M.E. Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Whether Sue invites Pam or not, I think she should clear the air with her and get Pam on a payment schedule, just to keep Pam accountable. If Pam never pays it back, then for Sue's own good she's going to have to come to terms with that. How do they deal with family holidays? The wedding is Sue's day, she gets to make her decisions on that but I agree it may haunt her later. She should invite Pam if it can the two can come to terms before the wedding and feel comfortable with each other, but not if it will ruin her day. Link to comment
beingbrave Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Most of her family thinks that she should invite her, because they are family. But her fiances family doesn't think she should invite her. Sue doesn't know what she wants. What's even worse is that she is being pressured by her family to invite her. Link to comment
beingbrave Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Whether Sue invites Pam or not, I think she should clear the air with her and get Pam on a payment schedule, just to keep Pam accountable. If Pam never pays it back, then for Sue's own good she's going to have to come to terms with that. How do they deal with family holidays? The wedding is Sue's day, she gets to make her decisions on that but I agree it may haunt her later. She should invite Pam if it can the two can come to terms before the wedding and feel comfortable with each other, but not if it will ruin her day. Pam has only been back in town for a year. She left when Sue gave her that money, which Sue thought she was going to use it for other things. As far as Sue getting Pam on a payment plan. That was there original plan, but Pam took off and ever since she has been in town, she hasn't mentioned it once to Sue. Sue is having a hardtime bring it up too, because that's her sister. Before all of this stuff happened, they were close. Sue is very hurt that Pam just up and left too! Not only because because Pam didn't pay her back, but because she left without contact. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 At one time she must have been very close with Pam, to lend her $5000.... Maybe she should talk with her to reconcile, have Pam start paying back what she owes, and then invite her to the wedding only if she is cooperative. Link to comment
DN Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 If she doesn't invite her then the one thing that people will be talking about, at the wedding and subsequently, is that Pam wasn't there. That means the wedding will be all about the person who wasn't invited and why. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Is money more important than people? I'm sorry that Pam hasn't paid it back but for goodness' sake, deal with it. In other words, don't take the seemingly easier and softer way out, which isn't easy and soft at all. Sue needs to take the initiative and talk to Pam about this, because it's causing Sue distress, and not just because of the wedding. I'm sure that she misses her relationship with her sister. Silently stewing while waiting for Pam to approach her is pointless and a waste of time and energy. If it's an issue for Sue, then Sue should deal with it actively, not passive aggressively withhold her all-important wedding invitation. Link to comment
SmittyGirl98 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 If she doesn't invite her then the one thing that people will be talking about, at the wedding and subsequently, is that Pam wasn't there. That means the wedding will be all about the person who wasn't invited and why. this is true. why not just invite her? sue might be so wrapped up in the happiness of that day, she mite not even notice pam there. I know that sounds far fetched but she will prob be so wrapped up in talkin with people she wants to, that pam mite just fade off in the background. it would make a bigger deal if she wasnt to invite her. and who knows, it mite actually make pam feel like crap she hasnt been paying, and sue was still a bigger person to invite her... that pam mite change her mind and do something bout the money. Link to comment
beingbrave Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Thank you everyone for the feedback. I told Sue about all of your feedback, positive and negative. The truth is, she doesn't really know what she wants to do yet. I'm not going to pressure her to make a decision either. She has to make that on her own. All I can do is support her and her decision. They are both 10-15 years older than me, so they have more experience than I will ever have. I just hope that whatever Sue does, she makes the right choice. It would definitely hurt Pam to not be invited and I know that Sue isn't that kind of person. I guess all we can do now is wait and see what she does. Either way, Sue is still my good friend and I will be behind her. Thanks for all of the feedback. A have wonderful day! Link to comment
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