Im waiting Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 I apologize the length of this. My question is simple, what should I do and how should I continue? My girl is couple years older than me and we are approaching 30 in few years. I'm from Europe and she's from Asia. Money is not an issue as I'm not rich and she's not poor and not other way around ether. We are living in her country but now let me tell you my story... One day I met a beautiful, smart and funny woman. I got trapped, she was something I've been looking for a long time. I went out with her almost everyday. One day she told me that she might still love her old boyfriend from many years ago. She asked me "Can you wait me?". I've been looking for a girl like her for long time so I agree to wait. Nevertheless about facts that she didn't want me to be her boyfriend or share her current life with me, we kept going out sharing my friends and my life. We are not hiding our relationship from the world, just from the people near us, for strangers we look lovers. We spent lots of time together, we have been traveling together. I'm very patient guy so I wait and wait. I waited a month, I waited for three months. I hear her saying she loves me during sex but I won't say it back because I don't think she really meant that and if I say something I mean it. She doesn't tell me later anymore she loves me. A month from "I love you" she told me that "being with you feels like dream and if you don't want me I would still come to you", later on she denies to feel so anymore. I still kept my love not to be said as I don't let myself feel so because the secret situation. She had this sad face every now and then, very sad and I couldn't bear seeing her sad so I began to ask questions, questions she avoids and didn't want to hear. Finally she told me that she still has a boyfriend and "this our thing never happened". She tells me that the boy is her old schoolmate from many years ago and living in another city nearby. She has told me couple times before that she's going to that city but at this point she denied to go there because of her so called boyfriend. On the next day she told me that she didn't mean "this never happened" and she was just angry for me pressuring her with the questions. I wasn't crushed as I knew something is wrong and because before she asked me to wait as she still had feelings to her old friend. I suspected that there is a boyfriend but I can't understand what kind of boyfriend she could have because she was spending so much time with me. Now it's been about 4 months. We are still seeing each other like before and planning future. Now we are planning to go on a couple weeks trip to an another country. I still haven't met really any of her friends, I haven't seen her apartment and I'm afraid to ask questions. She tells me everything but not about her current life. I've told her that she is something I've been looking for a long time and every time she goes back to her home it hurts more and more. I still haven't told that I love her because I feel like she has to let me into her life first before I can fall in love with her but maybe she's waiting for me to love her before she's ready to open her life to me. I feel we are dying because of this. I believe there is something wrong but I don't know what it is. She doesn't want to me to ask questions, I'm hurting both of us if I'm asking questions. I'm hurting both of us if I'm not asking questions. I've begin to doubt the truth of her answers but not because she wants to deceive but because maybe she's afraid of something even that she denies that. I'm so confused and hurt because the secret situation and can only wait and wait. I could care less about if she's still occasionally seeing her "boyfriend" if there even is one as most of the the time she spends with me, she's spending days and sometimes nights with me. I'm sure sex feels good for both of us but it's just a very small part of our time and should not be the reason to be together. I've told her that I have to visit my country in the begin of next year and offered that she could take it as a holiday and come with me. I've made sure that being with me doesn't mean that she has to abandon her life and move to an another country. I don't know what should I do and how should I continue. I still have few months time before I have to do plans for the next year. Without her I would go back to my country but for her I would come back here. It's so early, we haven't been so long together, but I cannot make myself feel differently. We feel so happy together. No matter how naive I might be, I still keep believing there is a future for us but I don't know how to get over this. Writing this down gives me some comfort and I think I'll let my girl to read your answers as well. Link to comment
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