On Auto pilot

[Dr]

Marton,

 

Break contact with his family. Do you actually think they'd tell you if he has found another woman? Almost certainly not. Thats IF they even knew/know.

 

By default he is their family so they're going to watch his back and defend him. Not you!

 

Unfortunately you've come out of this far worse than he has. I didn't mean to upset you with my theory about another woman BUT I wouldn't lie either. Unfortunately you just have to (as said before) do your best to get over him. Contacting his family won't help you to do that. It will only drag things out longer.

 

As I've said above or on another page, you wouldn't let a friend keep doing this to their self would you? - So stop doing it to yourself.

 

I might be wrong about the other woman.. but either way you're probably not going to find out - So why are you worrying? - What can you do what ever you find out? - Nothing.

 

This man has wasted your time. Do yourself a favour: Try to move on and forget him (I've already given you a tip for that).

 

I know its hard, you don't want to etc, but trying to get to the bottom of it (half of which I feel I've explained) and trying to keep contact isn't going to fix anything for you (granted it would be nice for a miracle but thats highly doubtful).

 

NO CONTACT Marton. Thats the only way forward for you. Making contact will achieve nothing but more pain, confusion, questions, need for answers etc. This isn't a mathematical puzzle that needs to be solved, it was a relationship - which he has ended.

 

No contact, try to forget, get on with life and move on. You WILL meet another great person one day who will really appreciate you and love you to bits.

[Marton04]

I am and I will be ceasing all contact with his family - I can't keep doing this to myself. I feel so much right now that I feel like I'm suffocating. All these thoughts, theories - I've got to get rid of them. I don't want to be in the mourning period because why should I be if he isn't?

 

I know.. after doing txting his mum, I realized that no matter how wrong or hurtful his actions were to me, his family is always going to support him and his decision - no matter what a bastard he was for doing it.

 

It's true, I wouldn't let a friend keep doing this to themselves but somehow I do because I don't feel much about myself at the moment. I always put others first before me and this is something that I MUST work on.

 

I know I can't do anything about the situation which is the most frustrating, painful thing ever. To lose control and give them total control over it.. that is what pisses me off so much.

 

This "boy" you mean has wasted my time. I haven't written in my journal for days because I thought I was doing ok with the NC thing (stupidly hopeful) but now all hope has died. I will write a letter to him to tell him everything - whether or not I end up giving it to him in the future but for my own sanity, I need to write out my thoughts and feelings.

 

A miracle never happens - as much as I wished for it, deep down in my heart I somehow knew it wasn't not going to happen and I'm just clinging onto an invisible piece of string which he has already cut.

 

I know Dr - you spell it out and it sounds so simple and easy written out like that but when the heart is involved and broken and crushed, it's very hard to mend it as quickly as you would like it to. I wish so badly for me to be over him - I don't want to be on this emotional rollercoaster anymore - for all the crying and mourning that I'm doing, I'm sure he's "pining" away for me in the bars (NOT!)

 

I really really hope I meet the right man for me who will treat me kindly and look after me and love me honestly. No mind games, no nothing - just love. I can't see it in the near future because I am not the person I want to be right now and that is a broken person. It will take me a long time to mend and feel good about myself again. He truly has taken the life out of me.

[journogirl]

u will get there

concentrate ion YOU and making yourself feel good-its such a cliche but when u learn to love yourself and are at peace with yourself great things will come your way

 

i am far from being there but i know one day i will be-i hope so anyway

 

recognising this is the first step

 

big hugs marton xx

[Marton04]

It's all such a cliche isn't it Journogirl? Learn to love yourself before you can start to love another, you'll be stronger, time heals etc etc.. I'm sure we've heard it all before but it's so friggin' hard. We have to somehow maintain our sanit and thereforee can't dwell on the ifs, buts, whys (I say this all with the heaviest of hearts).

 

I txted his mum for the last time to apologize to her saying i hope she didn't think i meant to direct it at her but I was angry and I guess she was the closest thing to him for me to lash out at. But I did apologize and said I will miss her and hoped her well.

 

Now I am going to fill up my diary with words of sadness, anger, guilt - all of the above.

 

I hope you're doing better than I am xo

[Dr]

Hang in there Marton, you'll be ok

[Marton04]

thanks Dr - I know i will be. Some days are just harder than others

[Marton04]

Hi all,

 

Just wanted to update you on how I feel - pretty crap actually. Some days I'm ok but the last 2 days, I've been really really down. I know I shouldn't care how he feels and I shouldn't hope for him to contact me but I do. I think what is getting me sad is the fact that I really don't think he will. I don't know if he misses me or thinks about me or anything and that unknown feeling is killing me. I'm on 8 days NC and it gets harder and harder for me, not easier. This time last week we were speaking every second of the day and now it's gone from that to nothing overnight.

[journogirl]

Hey marton-i am very much in the same boat as you at the moment!

 

it has now been 3 weeks since my boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me

 

i am still in incredible pain-been trying to keep busy and do everything i can see different friends,treat myself kindly,maintain NC (even tho we have exchanged a few emails about financial matters)

 

however i still feel AWFUL- i know he wasnt right for me and did and said bad stuff but i miss him so much it hurts

 

i miss seeing him in the evenings and cuddling on the sofa watching tv, i miss going for dinner with him, i miss sundays spent together, i miss him calling me several times a day, i miss his texts, i miss our laughing together, i miss going to sleep with him and holding eachother and i miss waking up together.

 

how are you meant to go cold turkey after 2 and a half years of togetherness? how is that possible? it is so hard and i am struggling and in so so much pain still.

 

we were meant to be going away together for 2 weeks next week and im besdie myself-it was a trip we planned together and we were so excited.

 

i found out this weekend he is moving away and im devastated

 

if im doing everything right WHY is this still so hard and why is it so painful? are you feeling the same at all? xx

[Dr]

The longer you're together the harder a split becomes.

 

I'm in my 4th year with my GF. We tried to split once and found it impossible to stay apart on the 4th or 5th day... but that was us.

 

In your case your man has made it clear its over. It will be hard and it will get harder to keep the NC rule. Until it suddenly becomes normal - Thats when it will become easier.

 

Hang in there

[journogirl]

i hope it starts to feel normal soon

everything reminds me of him-i guess i have to create a new normality as hard as that is

x

[Marton04]

Hi Journogirl,

 

I feel EXACTLY the same. Everything that you miss about your b/f, I miss too. It's that feeling of loneliness that not even your friends can help you out with. It pains me so much for him to just dismiss our 2 year relationship like that and I want so much to take it out on him - the anger, the hurt, everything but I can't so I have to stay silent. Is he thinking "I'm glad she's moved on" or is he thinking "I miss her but can't contact her because I'm scared of how she would react" or "thank god I'm out"... all these things I think about, it's like rubbing salt into a wound.. the more I think, the more it hurts.

 

We need to try and help each other out with this because we're both hurting and in the same boat

[journogirl]

i know its so hard i feel worse than i did when i first happened-how is that possible!?!

 

xx

[Marton04]

It's possible Journogirl.... I don't know when we'll even start to remotely feel ok with it all.

 

For some strange unknown reason, I was thinking of him today and thinking that we were still together. That I was going to go home to him and talk to him as normal. I have no idea what triggered that thought but it hit me hard again when I knew it wasn't true. I thought all of this was a bad nightmare!

 

I feel for you too xx

[tina-rocks]

:sad:

 

Hi,

 

Just reading through posts and feeling so sad for us all.

[Marton04]

so do I Tina - it's sad that we all need to be on here because we're all hurting

[journogirl]

i jsut dont knwo how to feel better i am doing everything i can but im still in so much pain

trying to be positive, busy with friends, trying to do new things, throwing myself in to work

so why do i still hurt so bad

i miss him so so much x

[Marton04]

I'm so with you Journogirl - I think i'm at a stage now where I don't cry but just in numb mode (though that can change in a day or so). I just think that he's not there, that he's gone away and can't contact me and that's it. I don't want to believe that it's forever but it might be

 

We hurt because unfortunately or fortunately (you choose), we love too much. We devoted our lives to this person and feel betrayed that they could do this to us. I hate him yet love him at the same time. I hate that!

[journogirl]

i know i put SO Much of my heart and soul in to the relationship

i would have done anything for him and he just couldnt do the same...i have lost so much- self esteem wise, money wise and in all areas

 

its heartbreaking

 

i just cant imagine being with anyone else though

 

hate to sound so low

its so unlike me am normally the life and soul!

x

 

[Marton04]

Yeah.. it's like we've lost so much yet they haven't. They can just cut off all ties and move on with their lives like 2 years or whatever meant absolutely nothing to them.

 

I just had another horrible thought hit me - that thought that it's actually over. The thought of him maybe having slept with some random person for whatever reason, the thought of him enjoying life while I'm here depressed and mourning over him.

 

I want so much to be angry and I'm hoping to move to that stage VERY soon because I can't go on like this anymore. Too much useless grieving for nothing!

[journogirl]

i know! i so want to get to the angry stage but i am still in the tearful ,tender, upset stage

 

even though hes being an idiot about money im still not mad at him

 

it makes me sounds so weak and stupid-im so not in all other areas of my life im pretty strong and confident but with this situation i just feel like im sinking and i cant get myself better

xx

[Marton04]

You don't sound weak or stupid at all Journogirl... you sound like someone who's heart has been broken. You sound like me

[journogirl]

i think im starting to piss people off

people expect me to feel better but i dont and i cant make myself

friends are getting frustrated i can tell

x

[Marton04]

I'm the same - i've tried not to talk about it with my friends now.. i keep it bottled up which is not great so i write it all down in my journal.

 

But you can always vent here!!

[journogirl]

yes its helping being on here

having a bad day again today i always feel empty and horrible all through the morning until about 3pm then i start to feel a bit more positive then it all goes downhill again around 10pm at night

 

still waking with cold sweats-not sleeping properly

going away next week with my mum

will miss the forum and your support!

xx

[Marton04]

I really hope you have a good time away with your mum Journogirl - easy to say, hard to do I know. Enjoy her company and try if you can to push him to the back of your mind while you're there. I wish I had things to do but it's a chore trying to find things to fill in my time - it's too exhausting. I just want to stay home in bed all day watching tv!! xx