Marton04 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Hi all, I'm going to apologize first up because I'll be ranting alot!! Writing on this forum is a new and strange concept for me but I guess because I've never experience such pain before. My ex broke up with me 4 days ago and I am completely devastated!! I had a boyfriend 4 days ago and now I have nothing and it was so out of the blue (for me anyway). We had a small fight which snowballed into something bigger - how he doesn't feel there's passion in our relationship anymore (we had been together 2 years and we hadn't been intimate in probably about 3 or so weeks but that's due to a medical thing I had going so it wasn't like I didn't want to.. But anyway.. never in my wildest dreams did I think he would break up with (AGAIN!). Yes, this has happened before - see the thing is, he's younger than me - I'm 32, he's 26 (yes, he's younger but not a teenager!!) Anyway, we are 2 different people, he likes to go out to the bars, i'm more of a homebody and we've had issues with it in the past but I thought we were working on that - you see.. in the past, he used to drink alot and get blind drunk, ignore me and go off with his friends when I went out with him. He realized he had a problem and has been drinking lighter beers and been pretty good. thereforee we were going to start introducing me to going out with him again so we could both have a good time, even though I don't drink. I think for me, that's a hard thing - I feel like a social outcast these days because I don't drink which I shouldn't feel but it's what people do these days - go to bars and drink and he said he didn't want me doing it just for him - he wanted me to want to do it. He compared us to his mum and dad who are divorced and one of the reasons being was because she was a homebody and his dad likes to go out and he said we were going to end up like them. Anyway, he said that we don't have anything in common because of that and pretty much said his heart wasn't in the relationship anymore. That's news to me since that night, i went out with his family for dinner, we just came back from a trip to the US and it was fantastic - no fights, came back saying we were stronger than ever! And yeah so he said he was fooling himself and me into believing those things!! It hurts so much. He says he loves me, that i'm a beautiful person and misses me greatly but can't be in a relationship with me anymore, he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore (that one killed me) and yeah, when this happened last time, he said "give me time and space" but this time he said time and space won't help and he has never before said he didn't want to be in a relationship with me or wasn't in love with me anymore! A month ago was our 2 year anniversary and he wrote things in the card like "i know we have our differences but i know i want to spend the rest of my life with you - i'm so in love with you etc etc" - I asked him what if he was lying when he said he wrote those things and he said he wanted to believe them and that his feelings changed in a month - is that possible?? His personality is that he is a big sh*t talker - lots of words, beautiful words for me to believe but in the end, they were all fake. And no actions to match the words. Everyone keeps telling me he just doesn't know what he wants but I thought he wanted me. I had no idea that he was feeling these things - he would one day say he wanted to marry me and want me to have his kids and then he'll retract a few weeks later ... he pretty much has messed with my mind. I've made him out to sound terrible but he was a sweet guy and I loved him (too much) and I thought he was going to be the one. And the sad thing is... i wouldn't be strong enough to say no if he wanted to come back (which i highly doubt). Being at work helps but then again, we used to email all the time and it's sooooo.. hard trying to refrain from emailing. Today I rang his work twice and then hung up on him - couldn't help myself. The nights are worst - i try and go to sleep as late as possible so i don't lie there thinking - my mind is my worse enemy. I was madly in love with this guy and I'm not a perfect person - i have my many flaws and many of them, I realize now - that I tried to change him (i know.. .a big no no in a relationship) and i guess I wanted the male version of myself - if i bought him a present, i expected one in return, if i'm lovey dovey towards him, i expect that in return too - all those things i realize about myself but it's too late now. I just feel like i don't have closure or anything right now because he pretty much made up his mind and then left me hanging. I want so much to say plenty to him and people say give it a few weeks but I don't want to hope. I did hope and then he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I'm finding it so hard to cope - especially when you've done everything with them for the last 2 years - going to the gym, supermarkets - it makes me sad because I picture him there all the time! I know everyone's been saying to me - it gets better with time, you'll be stronger in the end, just keep yourself occupied but that's my problem - i'm finding too much time on my hands and not much to fill it in. I've been ringing up everyone and the sucky thing is, I have to organize my weekends during the week - i used to love weekends, now I detest them and want to go back to work - so sad. When I was with him, i pretty much didn't have a life outside from him. I would occasionally go out with my friends but i don't have the one g/f who I could rely on to go out whenever. I would always have to plan things whereas his friends were always available for a drink with him. I think if i had a close g/f or 2, I wouldn't have relied on him so much and now he's gone, i don't know what to do with myself! Anyway, that's my MASSIVE rant - i just needed to get it out. If anyone has thoughts or whatever, please feel free... Link to comment
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