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Please help. Feeling confused and lost.


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If you read my post history you'll realise that my relationship is a bit of a disaster, but I was willing to give it one last try.


I'm feeling incredibly confused and alone right now, and I'd appreciate any advice.


My girlfriend and I have been back together since the beginning of July (after the umpteenth breakup initiated by her). I'm never needy when she leaves me, I just let it be and move on. I think she hates that and ends up wanting me back.


After some advice on her, I took hold of our relationship and told her in no uncertain tones that I wanted to be with her. I basically took the lead, and it worked really well. I felt really strong, and even when she was pushing for a fight I managed to avoid it.


I saw her the weekend before last, and she said she had a great time, told me she loved me... But since then (we live 2 hours away from each other), she's been getting more and more distant. Here are some things that are confusing and hurting me:

  • When we're apart (or together) she rarely tells me she loves me (even if I say it to her).. I know she doesn't show affection often, but it seems to get less and less. She talked to me last time we were together and told me she worried she was too quiet for me. I told her it's what you do rather than what you say, but that can be difficult when we're apart.


  • She's stopped calling me. I always call her, and mostly I'm met with an indifferent and negative individual on the end of the line who randomly accuses me of stuff (such as suggesting she had caught me out in a lie when I didn't understand a question she has asked). I'm not a good phone person, and I've told her that, but why stop calling me? It never mattered before.


  • When we got back together she wanted me to move in with her, or move to her city. Now when I say I'm job hunting she is indifferent about me moving there and tells me I must do what is right for me.

  • As I posted in my last post, she's playing games like not texting me back for 18 odd hours. It's emotionally exhausting.


  • And she's lying about not texting me. Last week I texted to say good night and she never replied. She texted in the morning to say she'd already fallen asleep, but what she doesn't realise is that I have a tracker on my blog and I could see she was using her phone to read my blog for 20 mins after she would have received the text message.


I've realised she's the only negative thing in my life, and I'm a very positive person. She's bringing me down with her games. I feel like everything is a play for power and it makes my head hurt. I do not want to get sucked into her games either! All I want is a little give and take. A little affection. When we're together our relationship is lovely (although if I think about it, I run around after her, and spend all weekend looking after her, and we usually do what she wants), but if this is how it's going to be when we're apart, I just can't stomach it anymore. I don't want to move to her city because I'm really not sure if she's showing me her true self...


Do you think it's time for me to break this off for good? I'd like to think I could talk to her, but she'll lose it with me completely, and I can't face it. I'm sick of this weight around my neck...


If I do break it off, I can't face another volley of verbal abuse down the telephone line. It takes days and days to recover from...


Please help, I'm feeling lost.

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That doesn't sound very good.


1. Either she is trying to protect herself from the possibility of getting hurt or


2. She isn't really sure whether she wants to be with you or not.


I would personally have to ask the question because it sounds to me like you are doing all the running and getting little back. Do you think you deserve this? Do you think you could give all you've got to someone that would appreciate you more? Are you afraid of being on your own which is why you haven't said anything?


If you look at the amount of times you have broken up are you trying so hard to make something work that maybe isn't meant to be?!


And I've just noticed that if she is going to "lose it with you" is that the kind of relationship you want anyway.

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Thank you for your reply... I would wager that it's the first - she's terrified of getting hurt again. I admit my foolishness has caused hurt in the past... And I've been hurt terribly also.


I've asked her outright if this is what she wants, and she has told me yes. When we're together, I don't doubt that she loves me. I just cannot fathom this distance when we're apart, this lack of communication. It makes me feel so hopeless.

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Have faith in the fact that she loves you and you love her, don't worry about things (Easier said than done i know) as I've found that as soon as you think the worse its a self fulfilling prophecy. Just reassure her that you won't hurt her, via text, e mail etc and that you are there, slowly her walls will come down x

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Dude ive seen people in your situation and let me tell you, its a battle you can't win. She is confused in her head not knowing what she wants and you sound like a smart positive type of person. Dont let her drag you down , ive been in a relationship like this and it takes a huge toll emotionally.


ITs not your fault, she is not ready for a mature relationship.

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I finally got the courage up last night to ask her if she was okay... (again there had been no contact during the day until she texted around 10pm to say goodnight, and that's literally all she said).


She texted back this morning to say she was ok, and ask how I was. I said I was fine, but that I was not really enjoying the distance between us that seems to appeared for no apparent reason.


Surprise, surprise, she hasn't bothered to reply to me.


I'm been up and down again for 5 days, I'm having nightmares, and I've stopped eating again. Everything is screaming at me to get out, get away, that this isn't healthy...


Would you consider it acceptable to text and say that this is causing me too much emotional discomfort, and that I'm so emotionally drained I am unable to participate in the relationship anymore? I'm terrified of speaking to her on the phone because she just tears me apart.


I just don't want to feel like this anymore. After all she promised. I feel like so much of a fool for taking her back again



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