Something is missing

[Frankly]

I have been in this relationship monogamously for 9 yrs..

A majority of it is fine... we get along, we don't fight much, we mostly like the same things, we hold similar values in most aspects of our lives.

 

One might ask... whats wrong?

 

Well something is wrong I dunno what but something is wrong ..

 

Tho the question has risen time after time, I do not feel like I can marry this person... something is fundamentally wrong with our relationship I am not satisfied completely. I do not feel "This is the one.. the one I want to marry"

 

But now with so much time invested and the fact that we live together I can't find a way out...

 

I find myself sprucing things up and doing different things in my current relationship in response to advances in women at work. My mate thinks I am doing it for her.

 

I am NOT a cheater but I am not satisfied with my relationship... when I tell my GF she reverts back to her old stand by.. "tell me what you want me to be or how you want me to change"...

 

I don't like telling her to change she is fine how she is.. I'm just not attracted to how she is....

[Jetta]

I'm just not attracted to how she is....

 

Then it's time you broke up with her. You're hanging onto her just until you meet someone better and have wasted 9 years of her life. The sad thing is you'll break up with her and miss that you were so compatible with someone.

[Karmageddon]

If you are not going to marry her, then you are just spending time with someone elses wife. It may be time to move on, since it appears you are wasting her time.

[lisa1126]

I just want to say that after spending 9 years even with someone you once had passionate, madly in love feelings, you will lose that attraction, that chemistry. It is a given. It is rare, very rare to be "in love" with someone for the rest of your life.

 

It sounds like you probably were once very much attracted to her, but not anymore. It appears to be a very normal course of event.

 

That is not to say that you should stay with her, but if you were already married and had kids, people are more likely to stay even when there aren't feelings, but since you guys are not married, it's much easier to leave this relationship.

[bulletproof]

Do you remember what it is that you used to be attracted to about your gf? When you started out, was it an intense/passionate relationship? How is your sex life? Was there ever a time when you thought you would marry this person?

 

I think nine years is a long time for anyone to sustain a relationship. It's expected that the newness and excitement will die down after that amount of time. However, if you have always been on the fence about it, then I would venture to say that will not change anytime soon and it's best to move on.

 

But if you are compatible for the most part, I would try really hard to make it work. You've been nine years out of dating and you might be surprised how hard it is to find someone like you describe.

[thejigsup]

I've been with my bf for nine years and the spark can fade, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't marry them! You will feel like that with everyone after nine years. It's normal. Love is not the heart flutter, love is staying together and being a team, raising kids, burying parents, becoming grandparents, buying homes and decorating them, seeing each other through illnesses and heartbreaks; These things are love.