I never felt like this before...

[fivespot]

You know, I didn't even feel this bad when we first broke up last october.

 

I've been in absolute no contact with her since March. She called a few times since then, but I ignored every call.

 

But as time has been going by, I thought for sure I'd start to feel better. All day at work, my mind is preoccupied with work stuff. But when I come home, it seems like all I do is dwell on how we aren't together, how we will never be together, and how I was wrong about everything.

 

I read the blogs of my friends on myspace...and how pretty much all of them are married by now. They have pictures and blogs saying how happy they are...that they've finally found "the one."

 

I feel like I've missed the train and it isn't coming back. I realize I can turn things around at any minute, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

 

I'm not sure I believe in soulmates, but if there ever was such a thing, my ex was the closest I think I've ever had to having one. I thought for sure she'd be back in my arms by now. And as the days go by, I'm beginning to see that maybe she is gone forever.

 

But I'm having a LOT of trouble accepting that. I can't believe it. I won't believe it!

 

I guess I'm not looking for advice...it just feels better to vent. If anyone would like to offer advice or even share some stories, I'm here to listen. I'm willing to do anything that will take my mind off of her...

[bijoux27]

She's only gone forever if you stay in no contact.

[fivespot]

It has to be that way. She dumped me. I spent a few months trying to be "just friends" and it was an impossibility. My feelings were and are still too strong for that. Even now if I found out she's with someone else, I think it would honestly kill me.

 

So no contact is the way it has to stay, unless she comes back to me.

[lapseinjudgement]

She's only gone forever if you stay in no contact.

 

Ehh just read your second post. Im sorry i know the feeling they want to cut you back to 'just friends' while you still love them with all of your heart. If anyone knows the secret to getting a love back please share...

[fivespot]

Ehh just read your second post. Im sorry i know the feeling they want to cut you back to 'just friends' while you still love them with all of your heart. If anyone knows the secret to getting a love back please share...

 

I've done everything humanly possible to try to revive this dead relationship.

 

I've written her poems, I bought her little things, I showed up at her doorstep with flowers, I slept in a chair overnight by her side when she was in the hosptial...all after she broke up with me.

 

I don't think there is a secret to getting a lost love back. I think the best you can hope for is that you at least did everything possible to make a lasting impression on her life.

 

Right before we stopped talking completely, I sent her a drunken text telling her how I wish she'd realize we're soulmates. She called right away, but completely dismissed the idea. "What can I say to something like that..." and "I'm not talking about this anymore..." was the way the conversation went if I remember correctly, though again, I was in a drunken stupor.

[lapseinjudgement]

yea life doesnt seem fair sometimes. Five years as ive stated numerous times on here.. haha but for those years i did everything for her and i really put my all in because i though (as did she for so long) that it was the 'one'. My friends tell me know that she probably just needs to take a break to be sure or some bull..poo like that.

In the meantime i sit, incredibly depressed most days missing the reason i got up in the morning, while she is trying to see whats what without me.

*sigh*

 

As far as the drunken txt. Hah i havnt done that thankfully. I waited until she made contact every time i have talked to her post breakup but i still figured out a way to make a fool out of myself.. go figure.

[Jetta]

So sorry but you have to move on. I just have a feeling she's going to marry someone else on you and you'll really be broken up if you don't let her go sooner. Something didn't click on her end, there's nothing you can do to change it now. She's gone. I'm sorry, it's hard to move on sometimes, but you have to.

[yellowknight]

Dude, I was in your exact same shoes two months ago. It DOES get better, but you have to make a decision to take care of yourself first. Yes, it's going to hurt, but that's your heart's way of getting rid of all the poison in your system, one excruciating bit at a time. Some days will be worse than others -- you'll feel fine with everything one minute, then everything comes crashing down the next. It's NORMAL.

 

I know it's hard, but you just gotta do your best to cut her out of your life completely right now. Keeping her in it is like leaving a nasty splinter inside a wound. It may hurt more to pull it out rather than leave it in, but in the long run, it helps you heal faster and prevents more serious problems down the road.

 

Don't sit at home wallowing in sorrow. Find some good friends and hang out or vent to them. Just get out of the house and make the time pass. Things will get better. Some days it may seem to get worse, but trust me when I say your heart is healing -- it's just recognizing that you're ready to dump more of your emotional junk at one time.

 

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[tina-rocks]

Hi,

 

I just read your post and I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know it's awful.

 

Not sure my advice will help but if you have a hobby or perhaps going for walks you could take yourself off and as my mum would say blow the cobwebs away.

 

Take care

 

Tina x

[Shattered21]

I have the exact same feeling... I was with my ex for about a year and he broke up with me about 5 months ago. We were doing long distance and resulted in some various fights. for the first 3 months I tried the friends thing, we were still distance and he barely called me. We would talk maybe every 2-3 weeks it was awakward and uncomfortable. I always wanted to finally relax, break the ice, and be back to us. But i was wakling on egg shells b/c all I wanted was him back.

i finally cut off all contact with him for the past 2 months. unfortunately these 2 months he is back home. It kills me that even though he is home now, I don't cross his mind and he isn't regreting anythiing. We saw each other once by accident, things were fine, and we actually had one great conversation on the phone, he called b/c he received an email about a plane ticket I purchased, it was sent to him instead of me. But it lead to great conversation. We haven't talked since

 

I still sit around and wonder if he will ever regret. If he saw me would that stir emotion and make him feel differently? I also know he most likely will be gone in a month. I guess i am in desperate mode thinking if anything would happen it would be this last month he is home.

 

I see what you type about your friends getting married and missing your chance and i feel the exact same way. I get all upset thinking of if I did that I would be endlessly happy. I don't have answers for you just the same questions. Is this really over? And do they ever regret? Sometimes i wonder if there is a time limit on when we need to face the facts. Its been 5 months with me, but with some contact and one bump in. Don't you think by now if he had a changei n heart he would know.