The hurt is the same

[PushingDaisies]

Hi everyone I hope you are all well. Its been a while, life has been hectic!

 

I think its been about 4 months since my ex broke up with me. Im not where I was back then, I think I have come forwards. I dont cry every day at least. But the hurt is still there. We are friends of a kind. I am also friends with that girl. In a way.

 

I hang out with my ex quite a lot. We have been to the cinema, out for meals, shopping...its been a lot of fun. We still have a great time together, its like when we first went out. We kiss, cuddle etc. For all intents and purposes, we might as well be going out...except he doesnt want to.

 

 

Up until about 2 weeks ago we were sleeping together - I stopped that because I realised how awful it was, it made me feel so empty and sad and used. My ex was understanding. It led to a big conversation about what was going on between us etc.

 

He told me he thought he wasnt good enough for me, and that I had a lot of male friends/male interest and he didnt want to hold me back. He also said how he couldnt really afford to go places at the moment and couldnt afford petrol and stuff.

 

I take the pov that these are excuses; shouldnt it be my decision as to whether he is 'good enough' for me or not? I dont even think like that! I dont care about hanging out, or about not seeing each other much-I like spending time with him and i dont care what we do in that time. I kind of thought...if he really wanted to be with me he wouldnt worry about these things. So I think they are excuses; reasons not to be with me.

 

He asked me why I wanted to be with him so I asked him why not? He listed a bunch of reasons similar to the above and told me to answer so I told him why...like how he always respceted me, took care of me, we have so much fun, etc.

 

He told me he didnt know what he wanted. That was kind of the conclusion to the comnversation. He said we would always be more than 'just friends' and that I would always mean more to him than than just a friend...yeah til his next girlfriend

 

So now...we still kiss and cuddle. But thats it. I wish I knew what to do. Thing is, I want him back sooooo much. But I dont think it will happen. If he wanted to be with me he would be. Now he isnt even at the pub, he lives 40 mins away, so if I stopped seeing him, there wouldnt be a chance to 'start it up' again, like before.

 

What do I do? Is there any way of getting him back? Or should I cut all ties and hope to heal?

[Clabs]

Hi honey - nice to hear from you!

 

Well, I think you have to sit and think long and hard about all of this. You have laid your cards on the table to say you want a relationship with him and he has put his cards on the table and told you he doesn't. Those excuses of his do seem pretty lame to me.... how about you?

 

So - he has had virtually all the benefits of a relationship without having to commit to you - sounds like a good deal on his side.

 

There is no way of getting him back - you have proved this by trying virtually everything in the book - and it hasn't worked.

 

I guess you need to decide whether you want to carry this on or whether you want something more, something better. If it is the latter then you are never going to get over him while all this stuff is still going on.

 

I think you deserve much better, but only you can be true to yourself and answer this question.

 

Mark

[pace of ace]

This sounds very familiar to my situation. Broken up for 6 months, but still seeing each other sometimes, although not having sex, we do cuddle and kiss a little and act like we're still a couple. Is this stoping me healing? yes. Is it working in getting her back? no. Unfortunetely the only way any of our exes will want us back is if we leave the picture for a while and give them a true taste of life without us. I've known this for a long time but as such haven't been able to do it. After 7 days or so i give in and call her to say hi. Or she'll text me and i always reply. It's continuing my heartache and if it was going to get her back she'd be back by now.

 

It's like this really, if they haven't lost us (we're always there at the drop of a hat), why would they want or need us back? They still have us.

[GettingThere]

Seeing them keeps the pain going.

 

I made the mistake of going out with him as "buddies" about a month and a half after he broke us up. He made it painfully clear that friends was all he could be. It was that slap of rejection back in my face again.

 

Why would you want to feel that over and over again? Even a phone call from him a month later and I was back in the dumper. I think NC is the only way to heal.

 

I would like to believe there can be friendship when the healing is complete, but I'm certain even that will be possible.

 

i NEVER want to feel this heartbreak again. And it will end someday.