i hate this!

[sta_aarr]

hi everyone. okay i'll try to keep this short. my ex and i were together for a year and we broke up a month and a half ago. we are both studying in the same university and when we broke up it was the end of the semester so we had a one month period of holiday. He's a foreign student, so when we broke up he left the country and i only found out through his best friend. We had a really ugly break up, it consisted of major arguing - name calling, harsh words, throwing things, hurtful comments etc. during this period we had no contact and we are still in no contact.

 

When we were together we were living together and his best friend was our housemate. i still had some of my clothes and belongings there and i never gotten around the courage to go back to the apartment and gather my things. i was devastated when we broke up as i felt like he robbed everything away from me and to go back to the place where we spent most of our time in... i just couldnt handle it.

 

anyways, one of my friend's handbag is in the apartment and she has been bugging me to get it back so yesterday i texted the housemate to ask him when it would be cool for me to drop by to get the bag n my remaining things and he tells me "what i remembered he (my ex) threw away everything but i will try to find for the bag in the storage"

 

i was so hurt and angry with that message. how cruel can he be to just throw away my things? he could at least have the decency to pass it to someone to give it back to me.

 

anyway, later at night, i get a call from my friend that wanted her bag back and she tells me that my ex is back and he called her and met up with her to give the bag back to her.

 

hearing this i was so shocked- i mean i knew he wud be back but i dont know how im going to handle going to university and seeing him. Bad enough i cant handle that , what if i have to see him with someone else? i'm so anxious about this whole thing that i am contemplating changing university but if i do so i would lose half a year. at the same time im thinking why should i waste time because of him? but i really dont know how to handle the situation of going back to university, seeing him and his friends, seeing him happy, seeing him with another girl. he really broke my heart to pieces and humiliated me. how can i handle this situation maturely? how can i prepare myself to stand tall when i see him and to show him im happy without him (eventhough i am not- im still devastated).

 

thanks to all who took their time reading n replying

[havefaith]

This is a tough situation, I'm in a similar one. My BF of 3 years and I broke up recently... it was a messy and tangled up break up because we aren't even truly broken up, I just can't seem to make that final cut. I know things won't change and I know I am better off finding someone else. It's a problem though because our school is small and we have many mutual friends... all of my guy friends live in the same hall that he does and I can't stand losing them.

 

The first few times you see the guy it will probably hurt a lot, you will probably want to break down. But, as much as I hate the saying, time heals all wounds. Each time you see him, it will get easier and easier. And I know you're worried about seeing him with a new girl, but don't waste energy worrying about that -- instead, concentrate on finding YOURSELF, and then finding yourself a new guy to be happy with on campus. Once you do that, the feelings of hurt and anxiety in seeing the old guy will slowly but surely fade. And then you'll wonder why it bothered you at all before.

 

Time heals all wounds, really. Keep movin' and be happy you left such a toxic relationship.

 

All the best,

havefaith