nicschic Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Me and my fiance have both been thinking about maybe trying a threesome... I was just wondering if it would mess up anything between us.. we have discussed it throughly and neither one of us thinks it will mess anything up. Has anyone else tried a threesome while in a relationship? Link to comment
Loki71 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I have tried once but none of us were in a relationship. I can tell you from all the research I have done on this issue most relationships fail after words. All involved will change after words. I suggest you all do the same research as I did. Very few couples last from what I have found. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 def doesnt sound like a good idea, when youre in a rel... unless you really dont care about the rel... prob will arise from it... theres no way would i ever share my wife or gf with anyother guy... if it ever came to that point there obviously something wrong in our rel or i am not doing my job right... to satisfy her sexualy... Link to comment
nicschic Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 WE love to try new stuff and we have some friends that have had threesomes and are still together to this day.. I just don't know.. I'm actually the one who brought it up.. and he def satisfys me.. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 You are opening a tiny crack in the couple when you do this... opening up to the possibility that fidelity is not a cornerstone of the relationship, which can put a lot of stress and cause problems with trust and boundaries. So what if you do this and start to feel jealous? Or your partner decides if threesomes are OK, then they should be able to see another person on the side if they want too. And what if one of you develops a crush on the third party, or starts to prefer sex with new people rather than the partner? It adds a layer of complexity and complication. Some couples do become swingers and do OK, but they usually are well established couples and have strict guidelines about what is OK, and agree to only swing together and not separately. Link to comment
AtMyWitsEnd Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 WE love to try new stuff and we have some friends that have had threesomes and are still together to this day.. I just don't know.. I'm actually the one who brought it up.. and he def satisfys me.. Herein lies the problem: if you have a 3some with another female and your man pays more attention to her, you will get jealous and suspicious. And if the other party is a man and you pay more attention to him, your bf will become jealous and suspicious. Being adventurous isn't the problem--it's the psychological damage it does to the trust in your relationship. I am friends with several couples who are "swingers." For some of them, it seems to work--but in those same relationships where it seems to "work," I can identify to you the one-half of the couple who has lower or no self esteem who just sort of "goes along" with what's happening but secretly resents it on some level. I would advise against it. I have had threesomes a handful of times. In every situation, it ended up damaging a friendship or destroying a relationship. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 My understanding is that threesomes are fun in fantasyland, and harmful in real life. I agree with BeStrongBeHappy, that would definitely open a can of worms. Those things are best experienced when you are *not* in a relationship. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 best to keep a fanasy just that a fantasy.... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 It really depends on the couple and what their beliefs are about monogamy, sex, etc. If one person is hesitant or has to be convinced, chances are it is not a good idea. However, I don't think it necessarily means the beginning of the end of a relationship. I know plenty of people who have all sorts of different rules for their own relationships. What works for some doesn't work for others. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Keep it in fantasy land or you will not have a fiance for long. Link to comment
rosephase Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I've done it. And will do it again. It takes a lot of talk. And you have to deal with the fact that while it might be fun someone might get hurt. But people get hurt in relationships all the time for all sorts of reasons. It’s the ridiculous emphasis our society puts on sex that makes it feel like a life or death situation. If you and your partner have a good grip on what sex means to you and are willing to talk and work things thru I would say go for it. It can be really amazing, fun and sexy as hell. Link to comment
rosephase Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Herein lies the problem: if you have a 3some with another female and your man pays more attention to her, you will get jealous and suspicious. And if the other party is a man and you pay more attention to him, your bf will become jealous and suspicious. Being adventurous isn't the problem--it's the psychological damage it does to the trust in your relationship. I am friends with several couples who are "swingers." For some of them, it seems to work--but in those same relationships where it seems to "work," I can identify to you the one-half of the couple who has lower or no self esteem who just sort of "goes along" with what's happening but secretly resents it on some level. I would advise against it. I have had threesomes a handful of times. In every situation, it ended up damaging a friendship or destroying a relationship. Not everyone who has more of an open relationship is like this. Even if you think you can see it in your friends. The world is full of people who work in different ways. I know a lot of couples that have poly relationship, three ways, orgies and the like and have loving wonderful committed relationships. A lot of people can't picture that, or don't want that at all. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 i would only do it if i had no attachment to either girl. Link to comment
schizo Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I just wanted to share with you some insite from someone who has actually HAD a threesome. I've been with my bf for almost three years now. We love each other very much, and he is GREAT in bed. We decided to try out a threesome because we both thought it would be fun. We went thru with it, with a mutual friend who is a male. It was AWESOME, and we have done it a few other times since. It has NOT affected out relationship badly in any way. But, that's because we talked about it A LOT first, to make sure everyone was comfortable and sure about wanting to do this. We are also very trusting of each other. To be able to pull off a threesome, you need to have a very strong and trusting relationship. Don't do it if you're having any sort of "problems" and think a threesome is going to fix them or something. And make sure that everyone involved knows that it is ok to stop at anytime anyone is feeling uncomfortable. It's risky, but if you think you can handle it, go for it, because it is really great. Link to comment
Divine_Malice Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 I mean why be in a relationship at all? You are adding drama to something that shouldn't be. All you need to worry about is if he liked her a little bit more or vise versa. You would be letting something slip in there. What if he wants to continue it or vise versa way after you want to. Its just something I would never do. Its a chance I wouldn't take. I find it rather pointless to be in something serious like being engage to do this, what's the point? but this is just my opinion. I mean who knows how it will work with you. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 I mean why be in a relationship at all? There are a ton of reasons to be in a relationship that are not related to one-on-one sex, only. For those with a kinkier outlook on life, a threesome is not an invitation to jealousy and problems. For couples who are very secure in each other sexually, it's not really that much of an issue. I've never had a threesome, but I know plenty of people who have, in the context of a serious and otherwise monogamous relationship. It's not that big of a deal to the less conservative. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Even tho you will find a few posts from people who did this successfully I can tell you that for the most part they don't end well. Usually one or both parties in a relationship are not equipped to handle the heavy duty emotions that goes along with seeing their partner have sex with another person. They think they are in the talking and fantasy stage, but saying and doing are two different thigns. Be very careful. I had a friend who did this and she said she broke down crying hysterically during the middle of it. It is a very precarious ground to walk on. More power to those it works well for but i have to chime in with a voice of reason here to say that most people are not able to. Sure SOME can, but some people also are able to walk on broken glass without cutting their feet. The rest of us get cut up. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 If either party has gotten jealous in the past or if either person is insecure, then a threesome will only damage your relationship. If you both can enjoy the experience as just an experience then your relationship will be able to deal with having a threesome. Link to comment
Dr Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Ideal fantasy: Yes. Would I do it in real life?: No, not while I'm in a relationship. Sure I'd be game if all 3 of us were single but I'd never want to get involved or be involved in a relationship. 3somes in my opinion are for FUN only between friends. Link to comment
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