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Fridays the day!


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Hi All,


Its me once again! Friday is the day i'm going to see the lawyer to file for divorce. I'm afraid, nervous and a tiny bit relieved. I dont know what to expect when I go, so if anyone can give me some input there it would help!


Also, I was so afraid I was making the wrong decision, but my husband has been such a jerk that I feel a little relieved that I'm finally getting this over with. A little more advice I could use is how to get him to leave our home now. It is my house, in my name only. When we agreed to divorce we were both very upset(so i though) and i told him he could stay if he still helps out(bills & chores). Well needless to say he hasn't done a thing as far as chores and as far as bills.....he hasn't given me money in A MONTH!!!!!! So he is living like a champ right now! I cant tell him to go now cause I want some legal advice first, but when its time I want him out! What do I say?? I still fell bad even though he is totally screwing me over right now and it seems like he dont have a care in the world about it!


If you care to read my other posts....they explain all! Thanx for ANY help!

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Well your lawyer will start out getting a history from you. How long you were married, property that you own, marital assets, children, etc. Anything that you can gather for your lawyer will be helpful (tax returns, bank statements, household title, husbands pay stub, your pay stub, childrens social sec number, etc). Bring it all.


You should think through what your demands in the divorce will be. Will you seek spousal maintenance (alimony)? Do you have children? What should the custody arrangements be? How do you want the property divided (such as the house).


Can you get him to leave the house, well eventually yes. Although you say the house is completely in your name, that doesn't really mean much. In most states it is considered marital property. Which means that your husband is entitled to a share in the value of the house. Part of the divorce process will be to iron out how the property gets divided. The more that the two of you agree on , the easier and less expensive the divorce. If you start arguing over every peace of silverware - well then you can watch those lawyer bills go through the roof.


Your lawyer will then draft what is called a summons and petition. This lists out your demands. Then those are served on your husband which starts the actual divorce process. After that, it can go a lot of ways. Generally a court date is set to obtain what is called a temporary order. This will establish temporary custody if there are children, set spousal maintenance, identify any special procedures (like restraining orders and such). Once that is done, then over the next several months either the two of you can agree to a settlement - or you can't. If you can, then you will be done. If you can't, then it will go to trial and the court will decide. You can probably guess which one is more expensive.


This is a vastly simplified version of what will happen, but it will give you some idea of what to expect. Bring a list of questions for your attorney, and use their time wisely. They are expensive, but necessary.


I hope this helped you. And good luck!



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Hi DGirl,


My husband contacted a lawyer about divorce and we both went to see him. I was very nervous about the whole thing. The meeting consisted of listening to the lawyer explain the legal aspects of divorce, answering any questions we had about the process, and us answering questions about what we each wanted to do with our possessions.


The lawyer was very nice and relaxed, which helped me relax. He made it very clear that he was my husband's lawyer, but still asked each of us what we wanted from the divorce. He told us he would write up the divorce papers to include what we both agreed upon, I would be served with papers, and then we would go to court. I'm not sure what to expect when we go to court. The fee was $1,750.00 (my husband and I split it).


The legal part has been very simple since me and my husband aren't contesting anything or fighting for anything and there are no children involved.


I hope this has helped at least a little and that everything goes smoothly for you Friday.

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avman is correct - though as far as the house, if you owned it prior to your marriage, it should still be solely yours, and the same for any inheritences or things of that nature. Things bought while you guys were married will be split 50-50 in most states as community or marital property. Just make sure anything you had as a major asset before you got married, dig out the paperwork that demonstrates it clearly so it doesn't become an issue. I'd probably take the "obvious" things, like last 3 months of bank account statements, pay stubs, anything along that line you can think of - if you take too much, no biggie! and any questions that pop in your head during the day, write 'em down - if I don't I know I forget, even when I'm sure I won't!

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Hey Jordan,


Ya know what??? It went ok! My lawyer made it as painless as possible. I went friday, she explained the procedure, i gave my retainer, and they mailed a formal letter to my husband. He got the letter on sat and he just called her back today. He told her that he wants this to be as painless as possible but i dont know if i believe him. I bought our house before we were married and he moved in a painted and stuff so to him its like I owe hims something for that. And I dont think I do considereing i paid for the house. And yea he gave me money for bills when he lived there but thats like paying rent. And he hasn't helped me out with bills in 5 weeks now and he is still living there!! Thats not right!! But i know hes gonna want something from me! I dont want this to be an all out war and i can see that happening. I do still love him, but I feel like he is screwing me over now. He is always going out, partying and stuff.....and i'm breaking my back trying to pay bills that he aint helping me with! Not fair is it???

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No, that sure doesn't sound fair. But I'm guessing thats one of the reasons you want to divorce him


As far as him wanting something from you, yes that might happen. In most divorces, both sides end up compromising and doing something (or giving something) that they really didn't want to. And they do it for the sake of getting the divorce over with. Yes, you could fight it out to the death in court - but then the only winners are the lawyers. You have to weigh the cost of the thing in question vs the cost of a long protracted battle. It sucks, but thats the way it goes I'm afraid.


Start off by wanting the house 100%, and eventually offer a concession of some money to cover the effort he put into the place plus some of the appreciation of value. Then make sure you get something in return from him. Thats the way the game is played.


Good luck Dgirl. Please let us know if we can help you more with this.



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  • 2 weeks later...


I am so confussed! After being such a jerk for like 6 weeks now, he is being so nice! We actually had a conversation the other day. We are both upset because we spent the last 10 yrs together! We cried together we are on speaking terms now! He is still in the house but has an apt. he finally told me! He says he dont know why he cant let go yet! He told me he feels like this is a mistake and maybe we should hold off on the divorce and just separate for a while! As upset as I am thats is over, i think deep down inside i know it will be for the best! But I am so sad and he is making me more sad! Any help please!!! He is killing me!! I'm an emotional mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Its not uncommon during the divorce process to have second thoughts. After all, its a horribly emotional experience for both sides and there's always the sense of loss which nobody likes to experience.


If you know in your heart that its the right decision, then you don't have an obligation to stop the divorce. But if you aren't sure and you want time to consider then certainly you can suspend the divorce proceedings temporarily until you can make your decision.


Think it through. We can't tell you what the right choice is. Only you can make the decision.



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