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Trying too hard?


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So I invited a friend to go see a musical with me on Sat nite and I think overall, we had a good time. However, I could feel that at times she seemed uneasy and after it was over at 11pm, she wanted to get home asap. I was mostly myself all night... joking, listening to her and being nice. I think she felt awkward because a) she thought that I was inviting her because someone else couldn't make it (I told her i had a list of ppl i was going to ask, she happened to be the first person on the list), b) front row orchestra is pretty darn expensive.


we use to be good pals, but had a falling out after i told her i liked her and we didn't talk for a few months. then i got her a b-day present back in june and now when we see each other, we just smile (i guess i call it smiling friends), but don't talk daily like we use to. i dunno... i don't want her to feel uneasy around me, just happy like she use to be all the time. i also felt sad when i dropped her off that i didn't get the same kind of "squeeze the breath out of me" hugs she use to give me. she just stepped out and let me know how to get back on the freeway. i just thought about my other friends that are girls and they always give me a hug when i drop them off, i assumed it would be the same. my unrealistic expectations...


anyways, i was thinking... i could a) write her something (see below), b) just keep being friendly, c) just leave her be and if she wants to talk, she knows where to find me.


"hey, hope you had fun on sat nite. i would have asked my bro or cousins to come to the musical, but i know how much you love phantom and knew you would have appreciated it most. sorry if i'm trying too hard to be your friend again. i just miss talking to my pal. (="


i figure if i do (a), it's just more drama... and i don't want to be in the drama club. but if i don't, then things will continue to be the status quo and that makes me sad.

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i think you might be trying too hard. considering you told her a few months back that you liked her, and she didn't return the feelings, that put the 'friendship' in a weird state.


and taking her to a musical, on a date night (sat), with expensive seats probably made her think you have some kind of motive behind it.


i think you should let things be and let the dust settle. just like how you can't make someone like/love you, you also can't make someone be your friend.


if she does want you as a friend, she'll contact you. until then, you're better off not trying to force the issue.

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I really think that you're not being completely honest with yourself regarding your "friend". First off, she's not your friend. She's your love-interest, an interest that appears to be unrequited. You say that you used to be "good pals" before you announced your affection for her, but it would seem to me that you're taking the "get in there as platonic friends and then hope for something more" approach.


I have to say that this tactic is almost always going to make your "pal" uncomfortable because it's so patently unclear what your intentions are. If you liked her all this time then why did you say nothing? The message to her is that you didn't feel that you were good enough somehow or deserving enough to win her affection. You couldn't just come right out and say it.


And now? You're hoping for that long, lasting hug goodbye at the door. Do you hope for this from your male pals after a night at the bar? I'm doubting so. There is nothing very "pal like" about that hug you were waiting for. You want the hug because you are crushing on your friend. It's not a hug that's about friendship, but rather about something way more then friends, and that's why she's uncomfortable giving it now.


I wish I could tell you that there's something you could do to make her comfortable around you again, and actually there is. Go date someone else. This will put her at ease around you beyond your wildest imagination.

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thx for the advice guys... no, she didn't respond to me at all. i'll leave her alone and let her do her own thing in life.




jettison, thx for your honest opinion... it's something i can admit to myself, but don't necessarily want to, to other people. part of the reason i invited her is just to see how she would act around me since we haven't hanged out in a longtime (couple months). she use to be kind of touchy-feely and i just wanted to see how she was now.


i figured if she gave me a positive vibe, then i would reciprocate, but i wouldn't force anything. yup, i still dig her, but i like to think that one of the things about becoming more mature and growing up is to be able to have friends that you use to like. and for the ones you still like, to be able to move on, let that die and meet other people? i'm still very naive when it comes to relationships.

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