j0shua Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 so, i am healing. some days are better than others. if you want the backstory here it is: ive felt so much better lately and tried to move on, but part of me still lingers on her and what she is doing. this last week she went on a trip to stay with the rock star guy she left me for, over the internet. she lied to her parents about where she was going, i had my daughter the whole week, and he bought her a plane ticket. she wouldnt even fly in a plane when we were married. i have assumed its been going on, i have assumed they were carrying on, but the affirmation of it today is really getting to me. of course i had to dig a little online and i should have left it alone, but i was hoping she went somewhere else, that this wasnt going anywhere, that things were not so bad. it hurts to be left when you have given your all to someone. i am not as famous as this guy, most of my time was devoted to the family. we are divorced (about 2 mos) and she can do what she wants, its not in my control. i am sort of beginning to casually date, but this still kills me. the jealousy, the sadness, the betrayal are really getting to me today. i could use some hugs and encouragement... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Aww hon.......Hugs.. Sometimes the best revenge is just to live a good life. She will probably find out later that rock star guy isn't as groovy as she once thought. Isn't that how it usually works? They think the grass is greener only to find a field of weeds! Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 "EX-W went to NJ to meet the guy she left me for" well...goody goody for her. You'll be ok. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Just think of it this way...her fling with Mr. Rock Star is very cliché. She is a groupie and he probably has others as well. She is going to get royally burned when he finally gets bored of her and kicks her to the curb. I know that it is not comfort to you at this point but you are indeed better off without her. She doesn't have both feet on the ground. I feel sorry for her children who have a terrible role model for a mother. Just keep trucking along...one day you will feel better and it won't hurt so much. You are taking the high road. Be the good role model for the children...they will appreciate it. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 New Jersey? I thought rock stars were supposed to take their ladies to Paris or Japan. New Jersey seems a bit... lame. But putting them down won't necessarily make you feel better, so I'll stop. Joshua, you are a good guy. Fame is fleeting- what's important is that you are there for your daughter. I know things are hard now, but they will get easier, I promise you that. You will wake up one day feeling pretty good and finally realizing that there are six billion people on the planet- surely there will be someone you can feel equally, if not more, loving towards. There is a certain amount of tunnel vision that accompanies a breakup. I know, because I've been there. Your ex and her fling are not incredibly perfect and happy, and you will not be alone forever (I don't know if these are your fears but they were mine when it happened in my life!). And take this as a wake-up call: no more internet research on her!! Cut yourself off. It's not worth it to find these things out. The less you know, the better! When you feel like researching, come here. We'll talk you out of it!! Link to comment
j0shua Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 thanks guys. yeah it is a cliche. a cliche that ended my marriage. its been going on so long though im afraid there are deeper emotions. i know fame is fleeting, i know he is an old guy. it still stings badly... im doing better than i thought i would, but i just had these hopes he would fade away, and i find out shes been up there twice. i know they slept together, i know she is in love with him. im wanting really badly to call her / txt her and give her hell about it. all that will do is give her power, make her feel validated, but theres some small chance it might make her feel bad as well.... i know i shouldnt..... aggh here comes the tailspin... Link to comment
cpujunkie Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Time to focus on yourself and making yourself happy. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Don't call! Don't text! It will likely not make her feel very bad at all, not the way you want it to. Think about it- if what she's done so far hasn't made her feel bad, do you think a call or text will? You are right when you say it will give her power. And I know you don't want that... Link to comment
j0shua Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 ive really been focusing on myself. playing music, flirting. most of the time im pretty good, but this has just been a slap in the face. i already txted (stupid stupid stupid stupid i know) i know it wont do any good. damn i hate her so much, but there are still memories of love/family/marriage haunting me... Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I keep screaming mentally at myself IT DOESN'T MATTER...when all my past hurts try creeping up. Because...really...it doesn't. I'm starting a better life RIGHT NOW. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Stop blaming yourself Joshua. Stop treating this divorce like it's a bad thing. Yes, you may have lost 4 years of your life. But you get the rest back. A divorce is far more desirable to facing off against a constant and ongoing affair. Far more valuable then letting your wife drag this piece of trash paramour in front of your daughter. You want revenge? Raise your daughter right. Raise your daughter proud. Work on yourself. Not every woman is going to do what your wife did. In fact, few actually do. The internet just makes a big deal out of the cases where women do this. Get on with your life. Go NC. Erase her. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 ive really been focusing on myself. playing music, flirting. most of the time im pretty good, but this has just been a slap in the face. i already txted (stupid stupid stupid stupid i know) i know it wont do any good. damn i hate her so much, but there are still memories of love/family/marriage haunting me... It's okay if there are still positive memories of love/family/marriage. Just accept that you will have those things again with someone else. Look forward to the day when you don't hate her or feel nostalgia about her, but instead simply feel neutral towards her. That day will come, just give it time. Link to comment
j0shua Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 i do the best i can with my daughter. this last week was the first whole week i have had her, so her momma could go off with this guy. i dont want to be a single parent. i dont want to have her all the time, i need to have my own life as well. already i am trying to build myself back up socially, mentally. i dont think i can just work and take care of my little girl constanlty, i will go crazy. but i am doing the best i can. today is just soooo bad. i keep thinking about her sleeping with him, being in love with him, him giving her everything that i couldnt, because i was wrapped up in working and thinking the marriage was a lifelong thing, not something where i constantly had to be on guard if someone 'more interesting' was going to come along. i know she is gone. i may only 'want her back' because someone else has her, but i feel so broken today. anxious, cant concentrate. its been months, and i was doing so much better. its just one of those days... Link to comment
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