Dont think Im marriage material

[Alpar80]

I just dont think I am cut to be a married man. Ive tried the books, tried listening, and tried working it out but just cannot seem to find the sweet spot. I havent been married much more than 6 months now and I have a kid with my wife. I just have this strong drive of leaving all the time, it is the type of person I am and have always been, I need my space alot and I find relief on the road. It seems that being married I am so restricted and choked out, I cant find happiness due to this and whenever she is around I feel that I am backed into a corner. I hate not having the freedom to do what I want to. Everytime this happens I lash out and tell her how I feel and how I dont want to be with her. She usually lays a guilt trip on me about the family and sooner or later I will come around, but I know this would happen again. Could it be that I am just not the type of man to settle down. Everyone I know was shocked when I got married, they were like I could never picture you "settling down", well the thing is I am not settled down and I think she is trying to tame me. I just feel that I am like a drifter and I cant be in one place. Sometimes I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. I know this cant go on, please help me figure this one out. Any guys facing the same probs? Is there a way to get your wifes to just let you do what you want? I feel like a 6 yr old sometimes always asking permission to do things!

[lillybee1982]

What kind of things do you want to do that you feel "she" is not letting you do? You have a kid with her, so I understand why she would want you to be around and be responsible. Also, how old are you? Because you still feel that you have not had a chance to be out there and do everything you wanted to.

 

Being married and with a kid does not stop you from being independent and it does not stop you from being who you are. But it does not allow for you to be all about yourself and only think about what you want.

 

I don't think she is trying to make you do anything that you did not decide in one way or another to do yourself.

 

But the bottom line is... if you do not want to be in a marriage whether a child is involved or not then don't make everyone's life miserable. If you really don’t want to be there, get out of it… but be a father that is actually there for their kid. Don't be a part-time dad even if you are not in the same home.

 

YOU decided to have a kid with her. No one forced you on top of her. YOU decided to be married.

 

You can't reverse having a kid... but don't keep your wife or your child in a home you don't want to be in, because in the end you will hurt everyone and yourself anyway. They both deserve better than that.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Some people are not suited for marriage. They are very independent and resent having to be accountable to someone else, or need a lot of personal space.

 

You could try to work it out with your wife where you have somewhere in the house that is your own retreat (an office or room), or else a day a week where you go off and do your own thing.

 

But I know someone who is like this and he has suprisingly been married 3 times... As soon as he gets married, he feels trapped and wants out and just doesn't like being part of the normal domestic scene that marriage brings, but keeps trying because he has children.

 

I'd suggest some personal counseling first to see if you can explore why you feel trapped and have these feelings. Sometimes the fear of being trapped is what is the problem, not the actual marriage itself, and once you overcome that fear you are fine.

 

But you could just be a loner who doesn't like commitment. Sometimes that can be worked around, and sometimes not, but going to counseling to explore that would probably be the best best.